The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I've been reading, but have not had a chance to post in a while. This time of year is so busy.
My eight year old is recieving his Communion on Saturday, my 19 year old is playing for the State Junior College tennis title on Saturday, and my 15 year old is playing in a softball tournament also on Saturday. I need two more of me to be everywhere.
They are all excited, and it should be a great weekend for all of them.
My Husband (A) is getting through this by just staying drunk. He is still not working, and his unemployment ran out. He doesn't seem to care. The kids and I will be fine, as I got a very nice raise, and that should carry us. He is angry, because, I refuse to give him any money.
I made the mistake of butting into his stuff. I sent a whole bunch of his resume's out to different jobs. My thinking was that the kids and I could use the money from him working. I do get angry at him not contributing. A whole bunch of companies have called about his resume. I have given them his mothers number. They then call back and say no one is answering the phone and he doesn't answer his cell. I asked him about it and he told me that he doesn't want to talk on the phone to them. I then asked well then how can they reach you. His answer was, if they want me bad enough, they will find a way to offer me a job.
He insists he wants to work, but is doing everything possible to not do it.
We had a long talk last week and it was useless. He kept insisting the same old things. He says he wants this marriage, but feels that I am the problem. He says I emasulate him, by not letting the kids drive in the car with him. He says he is not an alcoholic, he just drinks a bit too much. He says his health shouldn't be an issue as we will all eventually die anyway. He says he likes working, but will not take just any job. He insists that he supports the kids just fine. I did ask with what, and he said that since I work, that is him supporting them as well.
He made one very good point, he said he is not the one that changed, that I did. I told him he is right, that I grew up and became my own person. He is just angry that I will not cater to him or his Mother any longer. He looked at it as negative, I see it as positive.
I told him that he cannot have the best of all worlds. That he cannot live as his Mothers baby and think the kids and I will accept the scraps he throws us.
I told him I will not make excuses for his drinking. I said you can call yourself whatever you want. I know you are an alcoholic. I told him that id he does not go to work and help support these kids voluntarily then I will have to ask the courts to force him to. He said I was threatening him and I told him , that I was just stating a fact.
I told him the kids are not to be alone with him, are not to drive with him, and he is not to come here without calling first. I told him if he wishes to call and say goodnight to them he may call at 8PM, that I will not accomodate him by keeping the little ones up later. I also said that if I answer and find he has been drinking I wil say goodnight and hang up. The kids have said they do not want to talk to him when he is drinking. I told him that unitl he is working I will drop off the mortgage bill and the electric and gas bill at his Mothers, and I expect them to be paid. If she wants to provide for him, she can pay those bills. I also told him I would not be putting any money in our checking account or paying any charge card in his name. I have opened my own account and he may pay his own charges or have his Mother do it.
He complained that I was being controlling. I told him he has choices, he just needs to make them. I said if he does not like my rules then he may take me to family court and they will deal with it, as well as child support.
I then told him I love him and that the kids and I are doing what we need to. That we would still love for him to be part of this family, but he is the one who needs to decide to do it.
I have put things in place that no drastic decisions need to be made right now. The kids are thriving and I am happy, (tired but happy).
HP keeps providing for us, and I know that no matter what my husband does, we will be fine.
Tonight the kids and I are plantic flowers, so the gardens will look nice for pictures this weekend. My Mom and Dad are flying in tomorrow to celebrate with us.
It should be a great weekend. For the fist time in a long time I am not worried that he will ruin it for any of us. It is sad, but he no longer has the power to.
Jeannie that was so powerful I think you really are SUPERWOMAN. You should be so proud of yourself. You are not controlling your A at all but taking control of your own life there is a big difference. You sound really upbeat and happy as well. It makes me smile to realise how far you have come. Remember the little triangle that his mother used to be able to create? Well you have even beaten that. Enjoy your time with the kids. Luv Leo xx
Congratulations! You sound happy and determined! You clearly stated your expectations and let him know you love him. I am so proud and actually am in a bit of awe!! You are definitely an encouragement to others.
Enjoy your weekend with your parents. You must be so proud of your boys!! This weekend sounds busy, but like a wonderful time!
Jeannie how do you do it??? I am so glad you are such a good mom. It is so much fun isn't it? This time will go too fast as it is.
So proud of you. This post sounds so strong but lighthearted.
You goof, I know ya know better than to send out resumes. lol But I sure understand what made ya do it. I remember telling people oh yea my A can fix that for you.
Well he would not show up, or show up and screw it up. I don't know what made me think he could do anything anymore. Now i know for sure. The first clue was putting up a gate and making it so it would not open...ding ding ding. sigh
I am working on his Social Security disability though. go to the attorney the fifteenth. I will control it. He cannot do it. It is so sad how retarded he is. This is the brain tumor removal retarded.
Live and learn eh? Well maybe his parents will not appreciate it when he is asking them for money all the time. He may start hocking everything too.
Good for you!!! Not giving him money is the best thing for him. Hopefully he will get more miserable.
You have a good week end, can I come??? lol I could bring a pig or a dog or a goat or Barlow the turkey?? FeeFee is on eggs. so she will have to sit this out. hahahahaha sit this out....get it???
lol Keep those kiddos busy. I keep trying to get people to come to eden. come here with kids and go camping and play with the animals, go swimming, lotsa cool places here....
