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Post Info TOPIC: ODAT in alanon, Monday, 4/11, self-defeating attitudes


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Online
Posts: 2360
Date:
ODAT in alanon, Monday, 4/11, self-defeating attitudes


Monday's reading looks at why newcomers in program seem more eager to know why the alcoholic drinks, than why they allow another's compulsive drinking to affect them so destructively.  We need to accept that the alcoholic has an illness, and it's possible the family can help.  But primarily we must learn how to conquer our own self-defeating attitudes.

Quote:  Let me free myself from the illusion that I can do anything directly to conquer the disease from which the alcoholic suffers.  I need not suffer from another's illness, if only I am willing to accept help for myself.  This indirectly helps the alcoholic.  

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

The words that mean something to me here are:  I need not suffer from another's illness.  I am married to and live with an active alcoholic.  Much of the time I have good boundaries, I am detached with love, and I can do my life with some peace and joy.  But recently I got caught up in the sadness that nothing is going to change.  I gave up trying to fix my A quite some time ago.  But after 30 years, I got stuck in the ideas of what could have been, and it took me several weeks to get back to the focus on me, where it belongs.  I would think I know better than to suffer from someone else's disease.  But this is exactly the reason I must keep coming back, because back slides do happen.  And although I have much progress as I look back over time, there will never be perfection.



__________________

Lyne



Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 476
Date:

Thank you so much Lyne for your service and honest ESH.

I believe that you are not alone on the fact that getting stuck periodically, for me, is quite normal.

The program, when I work it, helps to guide me back on track for sure!!! I have said, once before,

that AH once said to me that he thought I was insensitive, but I realize that it was a statement to

manipulate me into arguments. That statement also gave me some validation that I am on the

right track. I do grieve though for a more loving and peaceful relationship, but am so grateful that

I have Al-Anon/MIP and my HP to guide me to my own inner peace.

__________________

"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it

does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown

Debbie

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