The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Todays reading is about learning to detach with love. It is about accepting other people and situations for who and what they are, rather than hanging expectations (and disappointments) on them. The writer describes one of her familys coping methods with alcoholism: treating certain members of the family as outcasts. The writer began to examine her role in this practice, and found that she had, at different times, been the judge, the one who was being outcast, or part of the group excluding one of the others. Over time she started to accept the people around her as children of God. There may be defects and shortcomings but it wasnt up to her to fix or change them. She began to make friendships within her family based on who she and her family members were. In choosing to detach with love, the outcome is described in a sentence that is my favorite of the page: I am learning to live my relationships in the present rather than spend my energy hoping for a better past.
Todays reading is a reminder to me about the gentleness of this program. While I have every right to make decisions about what I want and dont want in my life, I cant make changes in other people and have no right to try. This page is a reminder to me that there are layers of interactions between people. The thought for the day describes how we are able to see artwork (a statue) differently depending on where we are standing- our perceptions of other people may be affected if we look from a different angle as well.
Happy Sunday MIP. Thank you Mary for your service and the daily. I've missed everyone and will not even try to catch up! I've been to AZ and back to KS, and all is as well as can be expected.
When I think about detaching with love, I feel grateful that who I am and how I am has changed over time. I no longer believe that what's happening around me or to me is the fault of another or this disease. It just is. I've had to truly learn to let go and let God in all aspects of my life and trust that who's in my life and what's going on is exactly how it's supposed to be for my journey and my growth.
While I often do not like or understand what's going on or why others are doing what they're doing, I have been more willing to just accept as is. Accepting that I and all others are flawed and perfectly imperfect has brought me to a place where I don't have to judge or toss blame before I detach. I can just simply step away from the cause/effect and let it go.
Making a choice each day to preserve my power, my peace and my joy no matter what the day brings makes a huge difference in my recovery and my life. 'Bless Them, Change Me' has remained an important tool in my relationships and my journey.
Enjoy the day all - off to golf shortly! I'm back to 2 leagues, golf and volunteering in-between. I saw some tulips poking through this morning which made my heart smile. It's good to be home and to welcome spring! Love and light to all!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Happy Spring to those in the Northern Hemisphere. I am grateful for the eternal spring within my being since Al-Anon entered my world. Thank you Mary for your service and all the shares. I am presently applying " not doing for others what they can do for themselves ". My spouse had his appointment Friday and it was a great relief to learn the results are not a huge concern-it's due to a common side effect of his meds. Instructions were given to increase exercise and improve diet. I joked that the hard part is going to be keeping me from nagging him to no end and he found that funny! Thank you MIP/Al-Anon for giving me tools to stay in my lane and lend support/encouragement only when asked. Definitely will check my motives-I at times slip without realizing it and love the "bless them, change me." Looking forward to painting project I paused in the fall... Have a super Sunday.
Thank you Mary for your service and ESH. I also thank those who have posted, as I can learn from y'all as well!
I am learning to detach with love, and I get better at it everyday as I practice the Al-Anon way the best I can. I say that, b/c I don't always agree with Al-Anon. Case in point: Expectations. I cannot "get over" the idea that when you enter into a marriage, it comes with certain basic expectations. I highlighted "basic" b/c since being in program, I have learned that I can have greatly exaggerated expectations - this is rooted in my desire for perfectionism (in myself only - I figure if I can do it, then anyone can). I feel when you join yourself with another in a marriage contract, there are emotional and societal expectations intrinsically linked to that contract. The key -- as a part of that union, is to keep them basic. When your other half cannot meet those in any way, shape or form, then that is when one must choose what is most important to be healthy. I could not always keep changing to meet the needs of the addicted... that is where I lost myself. Once I lost myself, that is when it all began falling apart.
Today, I am healthier b/c I am loving my Ex from afar. At times, it has highlighted just how different we have grown over the years. In no way would I "choose" him now. We are just too different. But with the help of Al-Anon, I can have compassion for him, This ends up really being a good thing for my kid. They have a relationship now b/c of how I handled the separation, divorce, and continued minimal contact. I completely owe that to my Al-Anon work & my sponsor, as they helped me deal with all the anger and sorrow I had.
It's nice to read all your plans for a wonderful Sunday! Stay safe!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Thank you Mary for your service and share. And thanks for everyones share so helpful!
Detachment with love and acceptance. I found myself having a particular struggle with these. I am feeling reactive to loved ones this week. It doesn't feel good to keep the focus on the negative as the resentment grows. I tapped pause before I spiraled. I don't know exactly what inspired me to get so worked up... but I can see that I'm feeling more out of control than usual as I am purging my house and getting ready to sell and move. The purging stirs past memories that had been buried. I'm taking more breaks and slowing myself down a little. Much of the problem is also my "perfectionism" which is in full bloom... I don't have to do things perfectly and things don't have to be perfect for me to be happy.
... turning towards my program to root myself in serenity.
But I do try to be compassionate, but
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