The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The writer says that alcoholics drink because they are people that drink--it's not because of you or me. We cannot change this with guilt, shouting, begging, distracting, hiding money, bottles, or keys, lying, threatening, or reasoning. We didn't cause it, we cannot control it, and we sure as heck cannot cure it. We can struggle and lose, or accept we are powerless over alcohol and alcoholism. We can allow alanon to redirect our energy into recovering from this disease.
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I was stuck in the losing battle for many years. Some of my change efforts (a.k.a. controlling behaviors and trying to force solutions) included giving lists of meetings, alcohol counselors, and reading material, snooping and catching my A in lies, becoming incensed when my A was drinking and driving, using scare tactics, and with an alcohol therapist's approval, I drug tested my A for alcohol. I'm not proud of any of these behaviors, but prior to program and didn't know what else to do. Although my A resents my participation in alanon, this is one of the best decisions I've made in my life. I've traded in all those dysfunctional behaviors of mine for a much more sane existence.
Sometimes it seems so eerie to come here and the reading is exactly what I need.
Early this morning AH decided to drink and tell me(over& over) that it's my fault he does. At first I was gonna defend myself but decided not to. I know what the 3C's are. It doesn't really matter what he says or thinks. Instead I walked away and got busy doing other things.
