how do you let go of the self-pity? - Al-Anon Family Group

Barbara · ~*Service Worker*~

how do you let go of the self-pity?

findingmyway · Veteran Member

I don't have an answer for you, but I understand how you feel. I spent all day yesterday at my own pity party. Today's a new day and I have a much better outlook. I guess we can only take it one day at a time and try to choose to be positive. Hang in there!

kspear · Veteran Member

In my experience, the best way, or at least the most effective way, for me to get rid of self pity is to be of service to someone else. If I am not focused on me in an unhealthy way, it's hard to feel sorry for myself.

I remember feeling very sorry for myself for not getting a promotion I really wanted and also somewhat resentful toward the person who did get it. My sponsor suggested I do something (covertly - not announcing how "wonderful" I was being) for this woman who got the job I wanted. This was in the winter. I started getting out of work as fast as possible at closing and rushing out to scrape off her car before she could see who did it. This helped me get out of the self pity of not having the job I wanted and also helped with the resentment.

Inventory also comes to mind. And praying, "God, take me out of the center of the universe". Those are what have helped me the most.

Karen

david62 · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Barbara,

I love what Karen had to say!

Something that always lifts me up is remembering that I am a beautiful child of god, and that while I may not get or have every thing I want from the world and people around me, that I am so blessed to have the things that I do. Making a gratitude list helps to focus on the positive in my life and makes it hard to feel sorry for myself. Also love to just go out and sit on my front porch, and listen to the doves cooing........makes my soul smile.

David

Dolphin123 · ~*Service Worker*~

Barbara,

I feel sorry for myself every once in a while. But then HP gives me a swiff kick in the butt, and I get over it. I work in an agency that helps people on TANF (Temporary Assistacne For Needy Families), state assistance, and I see people everyday who are so worse off than I am. And I tell them to live in the solution, not the problem, look at what you are doing vs. what you can't do, I ask them what is your part in a situation, let go of what you can't control. (LOL, I love my program, it has made me so much better at my job) So I am telling the people I work with this and I think to myself, well there you go you know what to do.

When I start to pity myself, I look to myself and ask myself, what am I doing for me? I get myself to another meeting, I call my sponsor (even if I am at work), I go for a walk, just a little gift to me and then I think about all the blessings I have.

Much Love,

Diva · ~*Service Worker*~

Sometime life hands us a bad deal Barbara. The trick is to take it in stride and learn and grow from it. Allowing ourselves to indulge in self-pity is a sure fire way to lose our grip on peace. I don't know how to tell you to end it. I am not qualified to even try. Take it day by day and try to focus on the positive. I wish you success and serenity. Diva

jrtjosey · ~*Service Worker*~

I was told to keep your bedroom very clean so the first thing you see is a neat room and shower, dress and makeup every day no matter how you feel. It works!! Get up everyday like you are expecting company.

Josey

-- Edited by jrtjosey at 23:10, 2006-05-03

roygbiv · Senior Member

It could have been worse. You could have gone on the cruise and spent the entire time sick with the Norwalk Virus chained to the toilet for a week in utter pain. In my opinion, you lucked out.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.