The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My a had informed me about a month ago that he was moving out (see my old posts). He told me that I was the reason he was using and had to get away from me. I didn't believe that for a minute, I know better. But he pointed out some things I do that make him mad. I sat down and took a look at myself and saw that he was right in some respects. I worked on changing the things about me that I felt could use a change. I did it for me, not him.
Anyway, I have felt better about myself since I changed a few things and I'm more aware of my actions and how they affect others. These last 4 weeks have actually been pretty great. He seemed to notice my change and we started to work together around the house and it was great. He even decided over the weekend to stay since he liked the changes in me (I do too!). But I'm pretty undecided about him staying. Yes, it would be better for the kids, etc, but I don't know how much more I can take. After we talked this weekend, he had planned on cashing in some money he has to pay off his huge debt but found out yesterday he can't get the money. And that was the end of his 4 weeks of being clean, that's a long time for him. Not that I didn't think it would happen again, I'm not stupid.
My question is this, I've always let go and let God. I always seemed to get by before, why is this still going on? I sometimes think this is a big test, but it never seems to end. What do you think God is planning for all of us on this board? We all seem to be in the same boat, just in different places in the journey. Any random thoughts would be helpful.
I am glad some of the chaos is going away for you.
Letting go and letting God... well, since I am new at this I have noticed one thing. I can let go of other peoples junk and let God much better than I can let go of anything that's mine and let God help me. *g*
At many points in my life, including right this second, I wonder if some of the things that happen around me are Gods way of saying "If I have to tell you one more time I'm gonna ..."
I am just very hard headed... just ask anyone.
Your question... why is this still going on? For me "it" changes every day. For a long time I didn't understand there was an "it", or what the implications of that were. Sure didn't think "it" was in my house. So, coming here I know more of what I am dealing with. I can make better decissions, and I am doing a better job of taking stock of my own actions and feelings (just like you are). That helps us be better, for ourselves and our household (just like you shared).
That is huge progress! Does that mean you want to do that forever... not my call. I think even after you make that decission either way, you have started down a path that you won't want to get off of.
I have heard before that people get a little better or a little worse every day reguardless of what you do. Nothing really stays the same. My goal in this program is to get a little better every day. Does that mean "it" goes away someday? Don't know? Even if I stop living with my A... I work with some, I see A's in socal events, sporting events... heck everyone I know drinks.
Seem to be rambling now... but I pray that you find the answers you are looking for. I am praying for that for me anyway, I will add you in. <grinning>
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
I sometimes think of it not only as a big test, but also a life lesson. As you said, we are all in different places in the journey.
It is my belief that if we don't learn the lessons, they continue to happen and come back until we do learn them. Thus, some people staying stuck on the same issues for years, unresolved. The pity pot gets bigger and bigger until they fall in and flail in the water.
When we don't learn, issues are presented to us over and over. Some people feel like the universe is against them (why me,poor me syndrome), I choose to feel like it is giving me chance after chance and opprtunity after oppportunity. To me, it's kind of like a smack upside the head by HP, Karma, the laws of nature..whatever.
If I don't recognize I've been smacked, I will stay right where I've always been or fall down further from so many smacks. I'm a big advocate of move on, deal with it, get over it, learn from it.
My Sponsor has the same mentality, it is why I chose her. She's a "Git-r-done" type of woman. She has taught me to look at what rears it's head in my life and ask myself ..Why is this being brought to me (sometimes, again)? What do I need to learn from this experience? Sometimes I can't figure it out right away, sometimes I later have an "Aha moment", in any case it's much more healing then to risk that I stay where I was.
I believe changing ourselves and recognition has a ripple affect on everything else. I also believe if we ar dissatisfied with ourselves, we don't recognize the good things in life when they enter. Everyone has to learn his/her particular lessons. I think if one is in a really negative situation with someone that doesn't want to change, we need to move away from that person, either physically or mentally...
**these are my opinions, take what you like and leave the rest**
Christy
-- Edited by Christy at 11:08, 2006-05-02
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Very thoughtful post. My sober AH moved out a year ago saying he didn't want to be married. No divorce papers yet. I am like you in that there are things that I need to change regardless. It is a lifelong process. I am in this Alanon recovery program and I have changed. I am not willing to take on that our marriage is over just because of me. He wants to give into his addictions. After 32 years of marriage I think that that is a huge price to pay. I just think that life is tough for all of us and alcoholism/addictions are part of it. We all need to listen to our HP and be in some kind of spiritual program. For myself I think that there are many more challenges to come. I hope to be a healthy person and much stronger and find my inner happiness and peace.
I feel the same way so often lately. Why???Why??? Why??? Not just with a but with other situations as well. I wonder just what am I suppose to be getting from it all. I am so afraid I'm going to miss it--and yes, the cycle will continue on and on and on. I like eveyone's posts. I know we learn and grow. I know that is a good thing. I don't want to remain the same, sometimes I just wish there was an easier way--maybe for others it is easier, maybe I am just to hard headed otherwise. I don't know, but I guess we just keep trekking until we get that "aha" moment!!!
