The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Todays reading is about our reactions to others and about understanding that we are responsible for our own happiness. The writer describes suffering in response to his/her partners alcoholic behavior. When the writer contacts his/her sponsor, the writer is told that a reaction that happens once is a fluke, twice a coincidence, and three times a pattern. What the writer took from this was if suffering as a reaction happens more than a few times, the only recourse is to change our OWN attitudes, behaviors and responses and stop expecting change from anyone else. Theres no need to suffer because of someone else when changes can be made within ourselves.
This writing reminds me of that definition of insanity as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. I think back to some of the times I felt incredulous at specific situations I was living in but had I been really honest with myself I would have seen that there were patterns in place. It is difficult to make changes within rather than wish people around us would change! How could I be playing a part in any type of problem?? It must be the people around me! The other side of this thinking are found in the last lines of todays reading: I can only change my responses. This sets me free to enjoy my own life.
There is frustration, resentment and disappointment wrapped up in trying to make other people change. There is independence, positivity and moving forward when changes are made within. The quotation from Al-Anon is for Adult Children of Alcoholics (p. 17) reminds us: If I am always reacting, then I am never free.
Thank you Mary for your service and the daily. Happy Sunday MIP.
I do recall the moment of complete acceptance that how I embraced and responded to the words and actions of others was unhealthy. After a lifelong pattern of being 'me', I realized that was truly not working for me on many levels. I desperately needed my sponsor to point out to me, with love, how utterly insane it was for me to personalize the words/actions of a diseased person. Even 'targeted' - when I considered the source, and the conditions, I came to realize my receptors were way off and I was the greatest source of my own discord.
This aligned with my realization that, for me, anger is not a primary emotion/reaction but instead secondary. Anger came about within me fast and furious as my defense mechanism to many things out of my control. As I practiced this program and explored more about me in step work, I found that anger was my reaction when I was full of fear, disappointed or sad.
I continue to practice on finding and keeping my joy. I spend my resources (time, energy, efforts) with people and activities that bring me joy. I no longer fight to be right, instead opting to just be and look for happiness. Progress, for me is a glorious gift and I have finally accepted that perfection is really over-rated and unrealistic.
Make it a great day MIP!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you Mary for your service and to Iamhere & Debbie for sharing in your strengths.
My! I guess my HP is working for me today!! I say that with a grin on my face, b/c this reading is exactly what I needed to hear. My sponsor has been dealing with the decline of her father, so has been kind of MIA as of late (understandably), so today's reading was the boost I really needed since I couldn't touch bases with her.
My Ex sent me a reading he recently had published in an AA pamphlet. He told me that it was emotional, but he hoped I would see the positive in it. The story was an everyday occurrence that made him realize that God had to "break him" to make him whole again, and how grateful he was for it. It was good... so I texted back, "It is positive for you. But it is very good, and very cool it got published! He replied that he was sorry I was so angry with him. I did not respond, as I didn't know what to say. Was my response angry? I didn't think so. It was just honest. Since it was getting late, I chose to utilize The Pause. Today I reread the text exchange. No, my response wasn't angry. I still believe it was honest. It pulls no punches about my feelings towards the demise of my union, but isn't mean-spirited to him. BUT... I realized I had two triggers pushing my buttons. 1. It bothered me that he was telling me how to feel (something he always did in our marriage) even before I read the piece & could react to it.
2. I still hold a great deal of anger about the outcome of my marriage/life with God. So this tale of how his life had to be broken by God for him to see his real purpose made me angry. What about my life? Our kid's life? Weren't we worthy of God's love? Why would God F-up our lives as well - just for you to see your "purpose?"
When I reread my text response in light of knowing those two buttons being pushed, I again think I did well. It is a positive read/experience for HIM... and as I told him, it could also be for many of those who have faced addiction, so it is very cool it was published. But my reality about this experience isn't positive... and I haven't evolved enough to be grateful for all that went down. I am a work in progress.
Today's reading helped me to reposition my thinking... I am responsible for my happiness. Not God, not my Ex. I can stay stuck in the "Why me" box, or I can break free and create a new version of happy. Just a little blip today... but more growth I believe.
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
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