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Post Info TOPIC: Funny, but not really


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 2239
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Funny, but not really


Whats funny, but perhaps its more ironic, is that I can go for months in a mental state of letting go, live and let live, think, how important is it, etc. etc. etc.  Since Christmas Eve, when my As drinking was apparent and in my face, I have not been able to let it go.  So the question Im asking myself, after communicating with my sponsor, is, why do I want to, choose to, hold onto such unpleasant thinking???  The only one who can change in my control, is me.  Is is that my anger and resentment can be in check for so long, and then I feel so MAD at alcoholism?  Its ruined what could have been a wonderful relationship.  Ive stayed for many reasons, one being that my spouse would come to her senses and get help. NOPE.  Am I leaving after 30 yrs?  NOPE.  So starting at this moment I need to let go and let God, live and let live, choose serenity over anguish, and get a grip.  I am truly sick and tired of being sick and tired.  ODAT, or OHAT, or perhaps OMAT will work today.  Just for today.



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Lyne



~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 11512
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(((Lyne))) - I am a firm believer in 'more will be revealed'. For myself and my recovery, this has nothing to do with what others are doing - it has everything to do with my readiness for additional change, growth, improvement, etc.

There is no doubt that this disease thrown in my face is maddening and thoroughly disappointing. Yet, in spite of my gut reaction to this reality of the disease, I do believe deep down that the God of my understanding wants me to be happy, joyous and free. I know for myself I can't get 'there' when I'm allowing other people and their actions pull me in a direction contrary to my goals.

It is my mind and my disease that tells me caring for another = obsessing over them and wanting them to change. My sponsor and my recovery suggest that caring for another = taking goo care of me and letting them be to find their own journey.

Keep doing what you're doing and trust your program and growth. I for one am grateful the holiday season is over and am choosing joy for today. (((Hugs)))

__________________

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 



Senior Member

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Posts: 330
Date:

{{Lyne}}

It is even more difficult for me when the 'A' in my life tries to play me for a fool. I have to remember that

for all that I do to keep this relationship together, it is what I choose to do for me, so that I do not feel as

though I am owed anything and therefore disappointed by those times that are truly out of my control.

__________________

"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it

does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown

Debbie



Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 171
Date:

I'm sorry Lyne for the trouble you're experiencing with letting the disappointment go. I grew tired of getting stuck in the "if onlies" post holiday. I no longer wanted that lingering misery. I had to get to the root of my expectations and feelings of martyrdom. What if I gave up the dream of potential concerning others? What if I stopped defining the holidays and instead just put my Alanon program in front of me and treat holidays as a come as you are party? I'd grown tired of the cycle of unrealized expectations then the grieving post holiday. I realized I was either going to change my thinking, change plans or sometimes both. Acceptance of what is rather than how I would like things has come with surrendering before gathering with others, expressing gratitude to my hp for my life and those in it and keeping hp close all day. This way I stay mindful to keep responding rather than react. It has meant alot of refocusing and the Serenity Prayer at times in tense situations. It's meant letting go of the magical thing I once had that others would exhibit "good" behavior because it's a holiday. One memory from my growing up years was my mother warning my father, You'd better not ruin this holiday!" She didn't have a recovery program or belief in a higher power. I have both and for that I'm very grateful. Both have shown me that the only way out of my sadness, disappointment etc is to allow myself to feel the feelings to come through the other side and let go. Unlike my mom who didn't even know of Alanon's existence, as a recovering person I don't try to create "perfect" holidays in hopes of no one noticing the elephant in the middle of the room. Instead generosity of spirit is what I bring to the table, an effort to adjust my attitude and be my best self. I'm trying to be more grateful and separate my alcoholic family members from their disease, see the good they do with the same acceptability as I would if they were not alcoholic. Being loving doesn't mean I accept the drinking. It means because of recovery I've learned to work through my resentment of the outcomes of alcoholism while continuing to accept and love the alcoholics in my life. I like that Lincoln quote in one of our daily readers, "People are as happy as they make up their minds to be." It's a good one that's available to me 365 days a year. Happy New Year! TT

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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.

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