The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
In today's reading, the author shares that there are times when everything the alcoholic in their life does irritates them. It seems that the alcoholic even pours the breakfast cereal wrong! The author uses this as an opportunity to reflect on what is going on internally. Is there a review at work, another stressor, or an unresolved resentment from the past? In such times, connecting with an Al-Anon friend can help, making a call, attending a meeting, these things can help the author figure out why they are really irritated.
Today's Reminder: It can be almost as hard for me to give up criticizing as it is for the alcoholic to give up drinking -sometimes it seems so necessary! But though criticism and negative thinking can serve as a steam valve for my pain, they never solve my problems, only distract me from them. In the end, I only avoid getting to know myself.
Today's Quote: "A man can detect a speck in another's hair, but can't see the flies on his own nose." Mendele Mocher Seforim
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Today's reading reminds me of something I hear often at meetings - whenever we point a finger at others, at least three are pointing back at us. I used to get caught up in critical, negative thinking, spinning around and around my resentments about what my AW was not doing to help our family situation. My life because a lot easier when I just accepted that she wasn't going to do anything to make our family situation better. This way, I could focus on myself and what I was doing, and manage things in a way that worked for me. Now, I welcome critical thoughts as an opportunity to do more self-work. Is the check-out clerk annoying? Did someone at a meeting bother me? Great! I Can reflect on what it was about what happened that was bothersome to me, and then do an inventory on that characteristic and myself. Perhaps I will find something unresolved that I can give a bit more attention.
I hope you make the last Wednesday of the year a good one!
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Thank you Skorpi for your service and share. This reading is perfect timing for me, as Xmas was difficult, and our program reminds me of so many things: live and let live, let go and let God, I am powerless, I can hate the illness not the person, etc. Im detached with kindness with the most recent reality check. Keep the focus on me and my dog!
Good Morning Skorpi and Lyne. Thank you for your service and shares which enhance my growth. At first I used to drone on and on about my spouse's shortcomings until Step 4 entered my world. Yikes. I discovered I was in many instances worse in thoughts, actions and deeds. Furthermore, my sponsor encouraged me to "walk gently in the lives of others because not all wounds are visible." Now I try not to inventory him and/or I delve deeper into why I am disturbed by X, Y or Z. It's been quite the eye opener discovering what lies beneath. This has forced me to work harder at changing me. It has been a humbling experience which has resulted in improved relations with my loved ones. Have a pleasant day.
{{{Skorpi and friends,}}} thank you for starting off my morning with this great topic.
I can relate to feeling constantly irritated by the alcoholic -- and then irritated by almost anything in my environment, because in those days I was constantly stressed and had no tools to bring me back to serenity.
I am so grateful for all of the tools, slogans, and program friends I have gained since then which are helping me heal.
Thank you Skorpi for your service and the daily. I am amazed how easy it is for that obsessive, stinking thinking can return when I least expect it. I am so grateful that this program has taught me that at any point I am disturbed by another person, place or thing there is something within me that needs attention/work/prayer.
While living with active disease, it can be so, so easy for me to shift my focus back to 'them' instead of me. I find this more common when I am stressed or busy with RL issues. I am truly grateful for a variety of program friends and a sponsor who remind me where my focus should be. We have a choice each day whether we want to be happy or not, and I truly prefer my joy over anything else.
Practice and progress are great goals for me and when I embrace this program upon awakening and stick close to it/tools during the day, most of the time, I can do the next right thing for me/my recovery. Truly grateful - and feel blessed most of the time!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Oh boy this is really hitting home for me today. Yesterday I found myself repeating under my breath over and over keep the focus on me. We suffered a great personal loss in our lives recently and his compensation has been (predictably) to sink deeper into drink. Of course I know hes hurting too, but everything he does and says is an irritant because I am grieving virtually alone. My detachment skills are rudimentary but I did manage to separate myself to another room and tell myself to focus on me and what I want. The hugs and comfort I crave arent there, but the conscious detachment did help. A little. Thanks to you all for the reminders.
