The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading encourages exploration of our intentions, particularly the gaps between intended and actual outcomes.
For a variety of reasons, it is possible that our intention in anything from offering kind encouragement, increasing productivity, offering kind assistance, to creating an enjoyable life for ourselves may not result in intended the outcomes.
Reminder: Intentions are often good, but do not always determine results. To close the gap, we can engage in honest evaluation of our true motive, plan to achieve, and method of execution.
"Let me first be sure what I intend and the reasons for my choice; this will guide my thoughts into constructive channels, and keep me from attempting the impractical or impossible." Celebra Tueli ------------------- My pre-recovery default is to blame others for a poor reception to my efforts rather than take the time to honestly assess my own efforts in the attempted endeavor. It is easier to do this, but looking for my role is what reveals room for spiritual improvement.
Currently I find that I have grown weary with certain topics or with dealing with particular people, and have relaxed my efforts to hold myself accountable. I find that internal feelings of justification and resentment can creep into my communications, poisoning my attempts at effective communication or reconciliation.
Honesty is challenging, but absolutely necessary, as I continue to work at keeping the focus on myself rather than yield to the temptation to blame others for not accepting my message or efforts.
Grateful for the needed reminder
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Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Thanks Paul for your service and wonderful ESH. I do ask myself at times: what is my goal? Often I can respond to others in a healthy, productive manner. But Im not perfect. Sometimes Im just too emotionally involved, too tired of the same old same old, or just too frustrated to respond in a better way. I strive to improve and use my tools. I listen to folks on the board and in my F2F. I try not to beat myself up if I cant do things in the best way. PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION.
Good morning, Paul and everyone. I love the title of this post! If I know the answer to which road is paved with good intentions (and I do know that!), do I win 400 Serenity Bucks?
Serenity Bucks are what I think of myself earning when I learn to moderate my expectations, be aware of my intentions, and try to be guided by the intentions that my loving higher power would want me to have. The more I do these things, the more Serenity Bucks are in my bank.
Thank you Paul for your service and the daily. At times, I view recovery similar to the 'chicken and the egg' - which came first? When I plan to be of service, I take the time to examine my motives simply because I was raised in a 'conditional' setting. We learned to keep score, expect something in return, etc.
I carried that with me for a long, long while and only in recovery discovered that it's not healthy for me. I need to act with the intentions of self-improvement or service to others. It is my expectations that get me in trouble over and over and over again. When I am trying to be of service and feel that sense of restlessness, irritability or discontent rising up within, it's beyond time for me to take a pause and regroup. The only way I truly know how to regroup is to step back to Step One - reminding myself that I truly am powerless and no words, deeds, actions, desire, will is going to change another person, place, thing or situation.
So, my days go best when I am of service with no agenda, expectations or hopeful motives of changing another. I have to remind myself to accept and love unconditionally and to use my boundaries and detachment to make my serenity my number one priority. While I don't fully understand exactly how any of this works deep within, I do know that I feel best about myself when I stay out of the pits, take the higher road, don't engage with drama/chaos and don't react as I used to.
For me, my situation and my recovery, that quote is spot on. If I find any adverse motive or intent, I try to reset levels and expectations within. This reading reminds me that recovery has given me endless tools to be the best version of me no matter what else is going on around me. (((Hugs))) to all!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
