The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Todays reading is a focus on finding love we are seeking- within ourselves. The writer describes going from an alcoholic home hoping to feel love and then transferring that expectation of love to an alcoholic boyfriend. The writer lived for his love and kept wanting and expecting changes in his behavior. There is a sentence here that defines how many of us have been stuck: As long as I clung to my hope that he would love me the way I wanted to be loved, I remained a prisoner of alcoholism.
After coming to Alanon, the writer began to see how much of her energy had been spent waiting for changes in others in order to be happy. She finally realized she couldnt control or change other people, and felt free. She started to find the person within who was seeking love and acceptance and gave that to herself.
I think many of us have been conditioned to believe that our lives and happiness are dependent on others. One of the concepts of alanon which has been so helpful for me is to put the focus on self. What can I do to make change in my life? What is out of my control? Many of us have believed if we are not in partnership with another person there must be something lacking (or wrong); what I have started to understand is that a partnership wont be healthy unless we are in good relationship with ourselves. The quotation from Courage to Change (p107) reminds us: The only person who can love me the way I want to be loved is me.
