My AH took me out Friday night because I had a pretty crummy couple of days and he was feeling sorry for me.  So it started out by going to view the body of an acquaintance of his--drinking buddy--drank and took pills and that pretty much did him in.  Anyway, so we go out to eat, he complains about the food, makes fun of just about everyone we see.  I try to ignore it and just say "I can't take you anywhere can I?" after he spits out his food because he didn't like the taste.  So we go to the movies where we start talking waiting for the movie to begin.  I told him I knew what was going on--that he is pretty much using on a daily basis.  He acted like he didn't know what I was talking about.  I said you don't find it strange that you keep finding your "crack" cans in different places than where you left them?  I told him I wasn't mad, just scared and hurt.  He just tried to laugh it off, like well I'm not spending my whole paycheck, so it's not that bad. (Which o.k. great, it's not the whole paycheck, but it's only going to get worse.)  I didn't say anything else about, because I didn't want to fight, I just wanted him to know that I cared and was concerned and I loved him and I really wish he wanted to fight the addiction again.  He acted fine the rest of the night went o.k.

Saturday he worked for a couple of hours and then decided he wanted to go to a chicken fight.  I wanted to spend time with him and said I'd go with him.  So as he is driving my car out of town, he asks me if I'll run in the beer store by our house and get him a six pack.  I say no.  So he "laughs" it off and we continue on.  Ten minutes later we are getting closer to another beer store and he asks if he can go in and buy a beer--I again say no.  I didn't want him drinking and drivinb my car, I also know that if he started, he wouldn't stop with one and by the end of the chicken fight he would have been torn up.  So he decided it wasn't worth it and was going to turn around because he didn't want to argue and fight all day.  Then he stops at the beer store and tells me to go in and buy him some cigarettes and a Dr. Pepper.  So I do (kind of afraid he was going to leave me there), then got back in the care where he announces he changed his mind and we were going to the chicken fight.  Nothing else is said--I'm wondering all the way if I am going to have to get the keys away from him and leave him at the fights because I just didn't want to put up with another drunken episode--there were enough people there that he knew I wasn't afraid about him finding a ride home--how he might behave when he got home, but not how he would get home.  Anyway nothing happened all went well.  We got home and had a nice night.

Sunday rolls around.  He had told me he wanted to go to church with me.  So when I wake him up, he drags and is grouchy and well doesn't really want to go--so wants to make it miserable.

So then I have to listen to him gripe about church and all of that and how he wants me to stop singing with the band, because they don't appreciate me, I'm not getting to sing solo enough, it takes too much of my time, blah, blah, blah.  This is the first thing I have really done for myself.  I am back singing after 11 years and it feels GREAT!!! I do not want to quit.  I don't think he really wants me too, he just wants to complain I think!

Then that afternoon one of the men I think he gets his drugs from came out to the house--he had invited him to go fishing at my dad's pond.  I was not happy and if my dad knew who this man was he would be furious!  Then to top off the evening another drunk buddy stops by the house--I was gone, but arrived in time to see my husband finish off a drink out of his own cup, then he threw the cup down.  I picked it up--it had been beer.  So I went inside cleaned out the cup.  Watched tv--so then he is trying to justify drinking-well it was just half of the other guys beer, it's just no big deal, he wasn't drunk, blah, blah, blah.  I just looked at him and said I am not fighting with you, I am not arguing with you, you know why I am upset, you know what I think.  I didn't say anything else about it.  I got ready for bed and went to bed.  When he came in he thanked me for taking him to church.

Oh I made him upset because I wouldn't kiss him, but I said I didn't want to kiss him because I hated the taste of beer.

So who knows what I will find when I get home!  I haven't thought about it much until now.  It's getting to be that time and I don't want the kids to see him drunk--it's been a long time and I think it would upset his daughter.

Anyway just getting it out before I have to go.  I hope everyone else is doing o.k.

Thanks,

Dawn