The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
In today's C2C, the author reflects on how alcohol-related troubles can be like an avalanche. A mound of snow cannot grow indefinitely taller without falling down. Similarly, an alcoholic's mountain of troubles will eventually come crashing down. Through Al-Anon, the author learned to stop throwing themselves in front of the avalanche or feverishly shoveling more snow onto the leaning pile. They have found that the most helpful course of action is to stay out of the way. Allowing the painful results of an alcoholic's own actions to be the alcoholics to bear keeps the author from getting in the way of the alcoholic's chance to want a better life.
Today's Reminder: I will take care to avoid building an avalanche of my own. Am I heaping up resentments, excuses, and regrets that have the potential to destroy me? I don't have to be buried under them before I address my own problems. I can begin today.
Today's Quote: "The suffering you are trying to ease...may be the very thing needed to bring the alcoholic to a realization of the seriousness of the situations." So You Love an Alcoholic
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Not adding more snow to the avalanche is something I tried hard to learn early in my Al-Anon program. I was eager for my alcoholic wife to hit bottom and decide to make a change for the better. I resisted most of the time, but sometimes I'm not sure if natural consequences were so natural, lol! Now, I'm much better at staying on my side of the street, and letting my wife take care of her own problems without my feedback or suggestions. I fear sometimes that I'm keeping her from finding recovery, because there are things I manage to make my life more comfortable. Take paying bills. I pay the bills so they get paid. I then do not have to worry about the power being turned off or the mortgage not getting paid. But, by doing this, my wife doesn't experience the results of her spending habits. Like so may things, there is no easy answer. For today, I've decided to do what I need to do so that my life is comfortable, and not worry about what it might take for my wife to become ready for recovery. She isn't drinking (my boundary - I will not live with someone who is using), but she isn't engaging in recovery either. I've got to let that be hers to deal with, and stay out of it. As much as I'd like her to go to meetings, there is nothing I can do to make her ready to attend them. Instead, I can focus on myself and what I am doing, attending my meetings, and working my program.
I hope you make today a great day!
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Good Day Skorpi and DM2021. I'm making it a great day indeed by doing what I can to make myself comfortable. Self care has kept me so busy that I have little time/energy to shovel! As for "mind my own business ", it gets easier when I use program tools. I used to argue within myself that program members are nuts. Don't they know my sanity, financial stability, joy...is at stake here? blah, blah, blah...Needless to say, when I got out of the way, healing flowed my way. The greatest shift has been in what I perceived to be "the problem was...WRONG. I don't know how or why Alanon works, all I care about is it does. Thank you for your service which aids in my recovery. Tomorrow is my birthday and yes, it will be happy. :)
Thank you, Skorpi, and all who have shared. When I was living with alcoholism and its effects, I certainly felt that I was drowning under an avalanche. But as I tried to put up little walls to stop or re-direct the avalanche --- the avalanche always won. I couldn't stop gravity.
Imperfectly, I did try to take care of myself -- getting some physical distance from the alcoholic -- and I finally became desperate enough to ask for and accept help, especially the fellowship of Al-Anon. I had to take care of things around the house mostly on my own because he had become incapable. I arranged things that he previously would have handled, like getting a new heating system installed. Although it was a hassle, I became more capable.
Today I try to make decisions based on what is best for my safety and well-being.
Thanks Skorpi for your service and for all the above ESH. I can say I was buried in avalanches for a number of years, but hardly at all now! I know to stay away when I see the snow and ice coming. Thanks to program I've learned to seek shelter from harmful events most of the time. Progress not perfection!
