The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I just needed to share this experience. As sad as it is, I believe that my HP wanted me to learn from it. I went jogging yesterday (long run on Sunday). My dogs and the neighbor dog always go. They have such a great time exploring and chasing rabbits. There is a small part that is pretty close to the highway. I have tried to teach the dogs to stay close to me. The neighbor's dog doesn't listen very well. I have probably jogged this route 100 times with the dogs. The neighbor's dog wandered straight into the highway, didn't look, the truck never slowed down or honked, and hit the dog. The dog was blindsided and never saw it coming. Thank goodness she was killed instantly.
Right before the dog was hit, my mind was obsessing about my current situation with my AH. I was berating myself in my mind for not using this jogging time for meditation instead of obsessing. I asked my HP what was I suppose to do to stop this tape in my head. Just then the accident happened. I could see it coming and knew that I couldn't prevent it. I started to close my eyes and something said watch it Nancy. At first I thought killing that dog was a cruel way of my HP teaching me a lesson. Then I realized what the lesson was. That I was powerless to save the dog. I had tried many times to leave it behind at the house and tried many, many times to teach it to stay close. I also think that my HP was saying-Nancy, that if you continue to obsess and stay in your disease, you will not notice what is really going on and you will be blindsided by life. PAY ATTENTION!
So I am so thankful for my recovery program and the tools I have learned in Alanon. I called the owners and apologized. They were sad and very upset and a little angry at me (maybe thinking that I didn't do enough to prevent it). Without this program, I probably wouldn't have even apologized. And I would have taken in all those other emotions. I tried to be as supportive as I could and then let it go. I am ready to quit wasting time obsessing. I have alot of work do on myself. My AH's HP needs me to get out of the way so he can take care of my AH.
That was my defining moment. THanks for listening.
What a lesson!!! I am so happy that you heard your HP speaking to you. I guess He really needed to sock-it-to you to get your mind where He wanted it. He is so awesome in letting us hear him. It is something I am working very hard on now.
Wow-what a story! Why do we have to be so hard headed that it takes things like that for us to open our eyes? I say that only because I think I am one of those type people too. I have to be hit over the head repeatedly and most of the time painfully until it clicks!!!
I'm glad you got a defining moment and you are ok. from it! Now good luck in being able to put your program to use and learn and grow!
