Hello all.

I just got back from an AA/Alanon convention.  It was wonderful!  I've been to this convention every year since I've been sober, but this was my first time as a member of Alanon.  So I got to take in a little of both.  I also got to pick up some good literature while I was there, including Courage to Change and Blueprint for Progress.  (also a little pamphlet for parents of As)

In perusing through Courage to Change, I came across a reading about detaching with love and was thoroughly amazed at how simple it sounded and in reality how hard it is.  Especially after 18 years of living a completely different way.  So, just for today, I'm going to try to butt out a little bit of my son's misdeeds.  I'm going to let him face any consequences he needs to as they arise.  I'm going to try to be kind instead of harsh, constructive rather than destructive.   Just for today.

I suppose for a long time I've been worried that if he doesn't "turn out okay" it will have to have been my fault.  My mom kept telling me when I was pregnant with him that I'd better give him up for adoption or I was going to screw him up.  I think I believed that.  Not on the surface, but I know that I lived for a long time acting as if I believed it, trying to force him to act one way so that everyone (especially mom) would think I was doing a good job.  I didn't really care what was happen what happened on the INSIDE with him (or me, for that matter), but focused on any outward manifestations of behavior instead.  Not that behavior isn't important, but to squish out anything on the inside, disregarding it is unimportant, was so wrong.  I'm not beating myself up here, but I do have to look at my side of the street. 

There's nothing I can do about his side of the street at this point.  He is an adult.  But as for my side of the street, it is my responsibility, with the help of God, to keep that clean.

Thanks,

Karen (aka Frog Lady)