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Post Info TOPIC: C2C 13th November - First Things First


Senior Member

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C2C 13th November - First Things First


In today's reading, the author talks about things being urgent, but rarely important and things that are important being rarely urgent, which feeds into a cycle of getting caught up in trivia which appears urgent, but then not having the time for the more important stuff.  In essence, "First things first" helps us to remember that maintaining serenity has a high priority.

The author describes being in a dark room where their Higher Power is the only source of light, and is their best hope of navigating around the room, which would otherwise be slow, confusing and possibly painful.  So their priority is to focus on that light.

Today's Reminder - As I think about what to do with this day, I will set some time aside for what is really important.  I will put first things first today.

"Let us spend one day deliberately as Nature, and not be thrown off the track by every nutshell and mosquito's wing that falls off the rails." Henry David Thoreau

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When I was living with my active AH, I found myself spending alot of time 'moving away' from the pain.  I did things which would otherwise be enjoyful, but because it was done as an escape from the pain and chaos it rarely brought me any serenity.  My focus was all on either stopping him drinking or getting away from the chaos - so the focus was all on alcohol.

It was only through Al-Anon that I learned to keep the focus on me and put myself first - where I did have control.  The old adage of putting on your own oxygen mask first before trying to help others was very true.   So my focus became having and then maintaining my own serenity.  It wasn't easy.  I tried many things - some worked better than others, but I imagined myself like a rocket going towards the Moon.  Sometime I would be on course, sometimes I wouldn't - but I learned from the times I drifted off course and did something different and saw how that went.  Over time I made steady progress in the right direction.

As I have shared before, my serenity only really came about when I made the decision to physically separate from my husband.  We have 4 children involved and it was just too challenging to stay in the same house as someone who was drunk every day and for most of the day from 10am every morning.  This gave me the space to do the deepest work on myself - where I wasn't hypervigilant and worried about the emotional safety of the children.  For me this is First Things First.

Today, I try every day to work a little bit more on myself.  It might be revisiting Step 4 as more and more revelations are revealed - or it might be just taking the time to enjoy and be grateful for the here and now.  



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~*Service Worker*~

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Thanks BT for your service and share. I liked the analogy of being in a rocket and not sure which course might occur. I was anxious and unsettled for most of my life. First things first is a great slogan. And planning our activities is something we can have control of much of the time. What I try to do is handle any unpleasantness fairly early in the day. Then it's not hanging around bugging me--calling an insurance company for ex. That can be a frustrating and tedious job. That helps me relax and enjoy the better parts of the day.

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Lyne



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Thank you bettertomorrow for your service and to you and lyne for your shares. It's been easier to maintain my sanity and serenity when I apply the slogan First Things First. I, also like to get unpleasant tasks out of the way so thoughts of those things won't take up worry space in my head as I go through the rest of my day. A good analogy might be the when I was a child completing my homework freed me to then go out and play. I also find when trying to accomplish large tasks, it's best to break them down into smaller ones and give myself breaks and not have unreasonable expectations of myself. This is a One Day at a Time program and a gentle one so I do what I can and then allow for balance in my day to enjoy myself. As much as I enjoyed the Thoreau quote about focus, it's something to celebrate when I can have a day like that and everything just falls into place. Life is filled with interruptions to best laid plans. This is where acceptance of myself as a work in progress can be so important. Maybe my hp has other plans for my day than I do. Maybe it's something better than I can imagine. This is why although I may give priority to certain things because they are important to my day to day life, I try to stay open to where my higher power is leading me throughout my day. There may be an unexpected call from another Alanon or invitation from a friend to get together. Someone may ask my help with something. I look for quality over quantity when addressing day to day responsibilities. What I've found works for me is to not get lost in avoidance or procrastination. Yes, there are things I don't like to do that others really enjoy doing and vice versa. Yes, if absolutely necessary I can adjust my thinking and do these things but asking for help also has been something that I will do now since Alanon. Particularly, when it comes to things getting done in the home. It's easier to get things done when responsibilities are shared. There is less chance of becoming overwhelmed for me these days because I ask for and accept help from others. I've found at times trading responsibilities is a great way of getting things done that I might otherwise leave undone. I might do something for my partner that he dislikes doing in exchange for him doing something for me that I would otherwise avoid because it either doesn't come easy to me or I just don't enjoy it. This helps in balancing the load of responsibilities for each of us. It can also open the door to learning new quicker, easier and less messy ways of accomplishing something. This is where HOW can be so useful. I don't have to know how to do everything or do everything on my own. I can be Honest about that. I can be Open to seeking outside help, learning a new and perhaps better way of doing something and Willing to try suggestions of others to accomplish the task as well as let go and let others help me with a task for which they have a special talent and accept that help and the outcome with gratitude. TT



-- Edited by tiredtonite on Saturday 13th of November 2021 11:38:29 AM

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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.



Senior Member

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Good Morning and thank you for the shares on this topic. Started the day with construction noise (neighbour renovating)-really? on a Saturday at 7:00 a.m.? grrr... Next cable outage-hubby not happy. Damn thing is working now and he's watching a cheesy rom.com (a genre I dislike with an actor I loathe)...Alanon taught me to get busy to get better so I'm cleaning while listening to music... counting my blessings. Tomorrow I plan to go to the gym/shopping and indulge watching the NFL. So grateful to have MIP as a refueling station. Have a great day.

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Senior Member

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Posts: 258
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Good Sunday morning to everyone and thank you so much for today's reading and everyone's service.

I do agree about giving the alcoholism to much of my time and do love the "oxygen mask" analogy to

bring home the fact that I need to take care of me first in order to actively and productively move

forward in my own recovery!!! Am working on how my opinions about certain aspects of my relation-

ship with AH sometimes controls the amount of time I hold onto my grudges and am reading in the

C2C that when I hold the opinion that I know everything (when that actually is impossible) that

it contributes to the grudge. When I accept that it is not possible to know everything there is to

know, when formulating an opinion about someone else concerning a difficult situation then it is

definitely a cue for me to hand it over to my HP (hence that light you were talking about BT).

{{HUGS}}

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"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it

does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown

Debbie

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