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Post Info TOPIC: ODAT, Monday, 11/8, self-love vs love of self


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 2195
Date:
ODAT, Monday, 11/8, self-love vs love of self


This reading describes what healthy love is and is not.  Self-love can be the source of hostility, arrogance, a big ego, narrow mindedness, and closed to feeling for others.  Love of self:  love thy neighbor as thyself.  We can love and help others when we are at peace with ourselves.  False humility exaggerates our own importance.  True humility accepts us as we really are.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

In this journey learning from alanon about alcoholism, I can see the self I used to be, and its not a pretty picture.  I had judgement and criticism for my A.  I remember making a list that had an A.A. schedule, books to read,  and suggestions for an alcohol counselor.  In the past I even tried to drug test her for alcohol.  Even though that was with the counselors approval, Im not proud that I did it.  And absolutely nothing got solved.

Im the same person I used to be but with a bunch of different behaviors:  Ive stopped trying to force solutions, Ive stopped prying into her schedule and activities, on good days (which are many), I accept Im married to my second alcoholic.  But my change of heart, combined with her attendance in another program, has had some positive results.  We are definitely going in a forward direction.  Ive believed in treating others as I want to be treated for many years.  Perhaps Im better at practicing that now. 



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Lyne



Senior Member

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Posts: 258
Date:

Thank you so much Lyne for your service, todays reading and heart felt ESH.

Your ESH resonates with me because I feel the same way you do about the progress made,

because of working the Al-Anon program. I no longer resent that case of beer in his office

closet or the numerous little whiskey bottles in the trash can (can hear them when I move

the can). I have come to accept that it is none of my business and since I have accepted

that fact my demeanor and attitude towards AH is much more amiable. We get along much

better and I am treated (when he is not drinking) much better. When he is drinking he is

arrogant and nasty, but then I have learned to not get involved in his air space (so to speak)

so that there is not any negative interaction. Sounds kind of sad, but it really isn't, it is a

way of life that I do not have any problem with, because I have my serenity. Thank you

Al-Anon.

__________________

"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it

does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown

Debbie



Senior Member

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Posts: 224
Date:

Good Day. Thank you Lyne for your service/ESH. Both shares resonated with me and I shudder at some of my past attitudes/actions. Oh well. My husband asked me to accompany him to an appointment tomorrow and my response was" Yes". FULL STOP. I did not drone on and on about the changes I would have to make in my schedule in order to accommodate him. And, I didn't act like I expect a ticker tape parade and medal for being such a supportive partner. Yeesh. AlAnon teaches me to change without feeling ashamed and I get to laugh at myself in the process. Have a great day.

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~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 1317
Date:

 

When I first read and considered both definitions it drove me nuts cause I didn't see much difference so therefore I left it waaaaaay alone.  In the meantime I have had help from the fellowship on the definition and after a Thursday night meeting I followed a member who shared and example of how she cared for her alcoholic husband when he passed out at the front door of their home when he came home blitz.  She opened the door put a blanket over his body, closed the door and went inside.  I had heard a few similar responses in the past so asked her for her personal definition of love.  She replied, "Love is the complete and total acceptance of every other person for exactly who they are".  I was astounded that the definition didn't even include "the alcoholic" and it caused me to rethink my old way of thinking.  Absolutely the alcoholic and "We" all must be met with the spirit of love...entirely. 

Try that mind set and behavior and see how it works out with your Al-Anon character.  smilewinkbiggrin 



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Jerry F
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