The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Most of us come here as a supplement to our local home group, the main intentention for online support. It was not intended to be the soul source of Alanon. It is important to get to local meetings for the human contact. To limit ourselves is doing ourselves a diservice.
Many who come to Al-Anon/Alateen are in despair, feeling hopeless, unable to believe that things can ever change. We want our lives to be different, but nothing we have done has brought about change. We all come to Al-Anon because we want and need help.
In Al-Anon and Alateen, members share their own experience, strength, and hope with each other. You will meet others who share your feelings and frustrations, if not your exact situation. We come together to learn a better way of life, to find happiness whether the alcoholic is still drinking or not.
****2 paragraphs from our WSO site****
Alanon takes a lot of hard work reading and getting to meetings, working with a sponsor, there is no quick fix. It is not just showing up in chat! It takes a lot of conscience effort, especially after step 4, keeping our side of the street clean, to do no harm and promptly admit our mistakes and short comings.
If we all work at just that last sentence this will be a much happier place. And we will find and keep our much needed Serenity.
Josey
__________________
Julianne - It's best to move on. You cannot look back in anger in life. It's too short
What great, thought provoking posts you have made lately.
You know, when I could not even move from the room this computer was in, it was a blessing to have this website to come to. But it was also MIP and a person that I met hear that encouraged me to get to a f2f meeting and that was when my recovery really began. You are right, it is a lot of hard work and some days I just do not have the energy, want to sit on my pity pot for a little while. But then something in me clicks and I realize that I do not have to stay there, I can actually get up and start moving. Usually I pop in here, read the posts, respond to some, perhaps pop into chat, but then move on.
I will forever be grateful to MIP and all that I receive here, but it is only one piece of my program, f2f meetings, sponsorship, service, daily reading, journaling, the steps, it is all a part of my recovery and they must each have there own space. The strength of your program is evident, it is by surrounding myself with people with a strong program that I am learning, so thank you for being here, for sharing your program and how it works for you.
After reading your post , I have a few questions that have crossed my mind , as some of it seems a bit confusing. I would like to better understand so that I can make better decisions on what to share here at MIP. Your posts starts with:
"Most of us come here as a "supplement" to our local home group, the main intention for online support. It was not intended to be the soul source of AlAnon.It is important to get to local meetings for the human contact.To limit ourselves is doing ourselves a disservice."
I think I'm wording this right, not certain, but here goes. Is this not a registered meeting group site that is considered a self supporting group ?
When I decided to seek out AlAnon, I had no transportation and am disabled. So I figured the next best thing was to look up in search for online groups. It gave me this one as one of many. I went over to read the home page to try to find the answer to help me clarify. In big it says:
" ALANON FAMILY GROUP " . And underneath it says, "AlAnon We hope you enjoy your visit with us and decide to allow us to become your "Online Home Group"
I couldn't find "SUPPLEMENTAL" anywhere on the page and am a bit confused to what you mean. Is this meant to be a site for most of the ones that are here and not all who come for group ? And thats how it is , for most ? If so , what do the rest of us do that need an online home group that can't get to f2f ?
What do you mean by doing ourself a dis-service by not going ? If a person can't find a way, should they not participate here as its only part ? Please help me understand as I don't want to be misled with my valuable need for recovery to not be in the right place to do it.
The only other thing I could find for info here was above the Main Page and it says:
"12 Step Meetings and general 12 Step SUPPORT CHAT"
Could you help me with a clearer explanation so I can decide my couse of action about how to do my recovery and where ?
Thanks, Blessings and Peace in Recovery.........................
__________________
I tell myself when times are rough, "this to shall pass!!!" Ask HP for guidance, if the door is open, and I know how to look, I will become aware! I also visit http://www.inspiringthots.net/ . Blessings , Your sister in Recovery
You have asked a question, "why r u here?" I will attempt an answer. I am here because I have been hurt and outraged by the alcoholic in my life. I am here because I need your support. I am here because I see others here who are hurt and needing a kind word. I am here because I feel that a lifetime of valuable experiences, albeit not with alcoholism, gives me a certain insight which I share with others. I am here because I find an understanding ear when I, myself, am feeling less than serene. I am here because I feel the need to stand up and speak the truth even when it hurts, because in the long run, truth hurts a lot less than denial.
One or two of you have complained that my responses are sometimes boldly to the point. If something I say can begin a thought process otherwise not considered, I feel I have succeeded.
D53 it is also a means to fill a gap in your situation, but just because you can't get to real meeetings doesn't mean you don't need to work your tail off and find a sponsor.
There is nothing like a good old face to face meeting if you can get a ride.
Josey
__________________
Julianne - It's best to move on. You cannot look back in anger in life. It's too short
I'm here because it is one more way for me to recover. I am here to learn, heal and grow. I don't use MIP as my main al-anon source. I go to my F2F meetings and do service work there. I use my phone list, have a sponsor, and do my readings.
I've actually felt guilty because I often jump on line at the end of the MIP meetings or when they are just concluding (which is unavoidable due to my schedule). Does this make me less than an a memeber here, I don't think so. I hope I give as much as I get, which happens to be a lot. I read more than I write on the posting board, but what a fantastic way to get insight. It's my goal that when I do post it's not all about my A, because this program is not about my A, it's about me.
((((D53)))) -- I totally understand your questions. I think that the main point was that F2F meetings give more than on-line ones just for the fact that there is personal contact. Words are expressed and the "tone" isn't misinterperted like it can be on-line. For "most" it is possible to get to F2F meetings. I feel for you that f2f meeting are not possible because of your situation, I do know you are not a lone in this. It is not impossible to work this program without f2f meetings, for me personally it would be a lot harder. But when the desire is there it surely isn't impossible. (((((lots of hugs to you)))))
(((Diva))) -- Bold is good LOL , for me anyhow! All I can say here is that we get what we need when we're ready. I've often thought about experiences where I've been told things I just wasn't ready to hear/accept. It was great that it was said though, and eventually when I was ready, I could accept it.
I came here in 2000 becuz my A husband had gone crazy from a brain tumor removal and left.
Being left alone and homeless I had to live in my barn and rent my house. I went to f 2 f meetings but there were kids there that were disruptive. I also did not feel safe sharing with them there. I tired another group and the same kids were there too!!!
Found out the disability I have, I rarely leave home. So this home here became my lifeline. I read every thing I could get my hands on and stayed in the chat room for hours with a great group of friends, who sadly are no longer here except for TT, GG and Abbyal.
D5 you have a disability that prevents you from getting to meetings. I sure understand that one. It is not just a ride ya need, I know. So yes you can mature, and grow right here, doing your work to learn skills.
This spot and all its wonderful members changed my life in every way. Not just the A thing either. I handle everything different.
I really did not have a specific sponsor, but yet there were people who I could go to on here. Besides this site, their are sites to work on depression or ptsd.
Here we get the "true" inside of someone, no pretense of how someone dresses or how they look. Just pure spirt from a person. For me it is easier to see what someone is really like becuz it is their inside on the outside.
Don't think becuz you cannot get to a f 2 f you won't get the great skills alanon offers.
Everyone learns differently. When I was in college we had what is called Independant study. You develop your own curriculum and research and present it to a professor. I did so many of my credits this way becuz I had trouble being in classrooms. (hurting)
Actually learned more going at my own speed. Taught myself algebra with a high school student tutor! Took me longer but I sure "got" it better.
So I have high hope you can glean the best of the best here at mip. I sure did and do.
I think jrtjosey was speaking about the majority of the people, encouraging them to go to face to face meetings if possible. We know there are people that cannot get to f2f and find MIP their soul source of recovery, God bless em :)
But, there are those that need encouragement to step outside their isolated boxes and their excuses and be pushed a bit. Many that were so frightened to go to f2f later return and post with full hearts and say how wonderful their meetings are and how they are grateful that they were encouraged to go. There are exceptions to everything. If this is your only means of recovery, then by all means take what you can from it. The "online home group" statement means simply what it says...online, not necessarily your ONLY home group. Again, if your situation is that you are unable to leave your home, MIP is wonderful.
We find sometimes that when there is trouble at f2f's meetings, the trouble lies within ourselves (not referring to you debilynn or anyone else in particular). Some hear some things they don't like, take it personally and don't go back. We come to Alanon sick, too sick to make a judgement on one or two meetings. That is why it is suggested to try several and try different ones. My personal opinion is that a good f2f will speed recovery when the person feels loved and understood, makes friends with the people there along with the numerous social events. For me, I feel I can get much more involved which in turn aids in my recovery.
Thanks jose for this post Christy
__________________
If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
I guess some times the way things are worded can be misleading , especially if not addressed and someone may assume the wrong thing. Like when said "It was not intended to be the soul source of alanon" Isn't alanon=alanon, online or not. When I had a car and during the times I used to go to alot of f2f, I could tell the difference in a group that was healing and growing from one that got stuck in a same place and not going anywhere with recovery. It was very draining to be held back and no one to relate to. At that time I lived in a place with tons of f2f all over the place. A good f2f may help a person feel loved and understood. Why should online be different from that ?
Maybe I dont get it, from what you say. If a person comes here in crisis, are they supposed to always be redirected to f2f as if support isnt here for that ? Just because their face cant be seen ? Isnt that all the more reason to learn to or be able to talk to someone in need.
In thinking we are all to be concidered, all circumstances too come here. I guess it felt a bit partial the way I thought I understood the way it was said. No insults were intended and I appreciate the clarifications. I may ask more at a later time.
Thanks to all Appreciate the responses on this Peace and Blessings
__________________
I tell myself when times are rough, "this to shall pass!!!" Ask HP for guidance, if the door is open, and I know how to look, I will become aware! I also visit http://www.inspiringthots.net/ . Blessings , Your sister in Recovery
Any good composition teacher worth his salt will tell you that a person's inner most thoughts will be written and not spoken. We only have to organize them on paper. Yes, chat room and board provide a healthy addition to program.
Of course, it's best to do everything, it always is! But for those of us who can't, know that this place and chatroom helps.
The healing process will take longer perhaps, if means are fewer. In the meantime, welcome!
Who is anyone to judge anyone in this program anyway? I sense judgment going on here and that is what alanon IS NOT ABOUT. Our HP/higher power guides us and reveals things to us in his/her own time. It is no ones else's business who has a sponsor or what step anyone is on or if they go to f2f meetings how often or how many. People need to quit asking about other's program issues and focus on their own recovery. No one has the right to make any judgment on who is working their program in any type of manner, hard or easy or right or wrong.
I use to share such things as what step I was on or who was my sponsor and I refuse to do that anymore. WE are all equals here and our personal work is our business. I got tired of the how can you be on step such and such when it took me a year to finish one step? Or, how can that person be a sponsor when they haven't finished their step 4 yet?
People who live in glass houses should not throw stones. I see some stone throwing above. WE are all equals here. That is one thing that attracted me to this program that we are equals and all of us work our own program in our own HP/higher powers timing and way. He even is able to find the right sponsor when and in his own timing. I have learned invaluable lessons and information in all places including "chat" here. That is my experience. Maybe someone's HP/higher power wants to work with them more in chat than elsewhere? That is no one esle's business and not for anyone to judge.
I also have not come across the word supplement in any of my alanon reading. I would be curious on John/Webmaster's take on this post since he is the founder of this site and put together alot of the wording that makes up the pages to this site. Let's get back to welcoming people unconditionally and respecting their pain. Let thier Higher Power do what is needed in their life and not try to substitute lecturing as the given alanon word. cdb xoxoxoxoxo
As my post said the first three paragraphs were copied from the WSO site!!
In discussing online recovery, It was not intended to be the soul source of Alanon.Not my words WSO!!!
My intention was to get the new people to meetings
QTIP - Quit taking it Personally.
A heart felt share, has been attacked, and no longer has meaning. Please keep any personal questions/comments about my shares in PM as not to disrupt the whole message board.
Josey
-- Edited by jrtjosey at 21:55, 2006-05-01
__________________
Julianne - It's best to move on. You cannot look back in anger in life. It's too short
As to the aspect of whether innermost thoughts can be expressed best in writing or in person - probably it's different for different people. Pesonally, I find I need my f2f to 'keep it real'. It is all too easy to sound pretty good online, when I can go back, edit, polish, highlight this, gloss over that.... When I have to look the people I am talking to in the eye, though, it is a lot harder to sell a load of anything!
I find this place valuable, and use it as a big part of my program. However, I think that if it were ALL my program, I would not be doing the hard work, and making the growth, that I need to. It is just too easy here, for me. No one is going to ask the hard questions; I could get away with "I'll work on the steps tomorrow", forever.
That said, as I have a fairly serious hearing problem, this site is sometimes a godsend. I will have gone to a f2f, and although felt the energy and support in the room, didn't actually hear one word that was shared. Then I can come here and read a few posts, and a few responses, and the two together make for some valuable learning.
The point I think jtj was making, and it is a good one, is that this program requires some effort from us, if it is to do us some good. Most of us need that f2f contact, and the reading of cal, to get us out of our ruts, and into growth gear.
Josey, I did not see your posts being attacked at all! I thought it was a wonderful question and it brought up some great discussion.
I do totally agree about meetings Face to Face. I really loved going. But found myself so into watching the kids I could not concentrate. Gads put me in a room with a baby and toddlers and twelve year olds and I am going to watch them. I love kids. But grinding celery and cheese into the carpet, and throwing toys... lol the mom would be snacking and disruptive too. lol
OH gads NO I take no offense. My main goal is to make it clear that we are blessed with a site that can help us to grow in ways we may not have otherwise. If we cannot get to meetings, then it really is possible to work a program online.
I do know how we will isolate as the disease does that to us. True eh?
Anyway I thought it was a great growing experience Josey. We only mature when things are tough. The world is full of controversy and we learn by getting thru it.
I am glad you shared what you did and what everyone else did too. I don't feel it hurt anything. I respect you a lot and am glad you are here.
You said what was on my mind. I do not see an attack here either although when I spoke of throwing stones I was talking about my "experience" which helped make me stronger and thus gave me hope. It is hard for some people to understand what it is like for others to be disabled and not be able to go out of the house much or attend F2F meetings. None of us live in the other person's shoes. I feel blessed that I found this online site since it was litterally my life line for me as of about 3 years ago. I also do not see any disruption on the board and am grateful to have this board as a great learning and sharing tool. I am sorry if my post offended anyone as what I wrote was not meant to do that. Again in alanon, Take what you like and leave the rest. your friend in recovery, cdb xoxoxoxo
First of all jr what a wonderful question to put forth to the board. I come here to supplement my face to face alanon meetings which I have attended faithfully now for over 6 years once a week. My analagy on this is if I dont eat enough vegies and fruit, I can take a vitamin supplement, lol. I first came to alanon because I thought I would find a way to "fix" my alcoholic in my life, my husband. I came to alanon because I was full of dispair, and disfunction, depressed, and mostly insane trying to control my husbands drinking. I came to find relief, and found that I was not alone in this. Wonderful people sitting around a table , or on couches, that nodded and smiled when I shared, and felt my pain, and mostly understood what I was feeling , when others who have never lived with alcoholism didnt.
It also got me out of the house, didnt let me sit at home and let my mind festering with thoughts and craziness, slowly drive me to the brink. It broke me from my own isolation from family and friends, and it got me to a place where I could interact with people again, something humans need. It made me look at my life in a realistic way, and put my own life into perspective on where I was going without me knowing. It made me think rationally again, take ahold of "MY" life and start doing things I had put on the shelf because of my A. It made me struggle to live again the way I want to live and try not let anyone detour me from my life. Made me use the principles of alanon not only with the A's in my life but in all aspects of my life including non-A's.
I come to alanon for myself, I am not perfect, or have I acquired all the alanon principles, I work on it one day at a time. I dont come to alanon anymore to fix anyone else, but fix myself , my character defects, my self esteem , my self worth, and mainly feel better about life in general. There are many times when I dont want to go , am too tired, too lazy, or whats the use...however I will say, once I get there I am glad I went as there is something I always hear that I need to hear, or I can help another by sharing to let them know they are not alone. And when I leave I leave with strength and hope to face the next week. If you can get your body to go to an alanon meeting, hopefully your mind will follow! thanks again jr
........
..........
, for me anyhow! All I can say here is that we get what we need when we're ready. I've often thought about experiences where I've been told things I just wasn't ready to hear/accept. It was great that it was said though, and eventually when I was ready, I could accept it. 
thanks again jr