The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have learned something in my daily readings and thought I would share it. I tend to over analize every situation. I will think about something all the time until I have basically picked it to pieces. I need to learn to accept things are just as they are and not be so critical on every subject. Before this program I could only see the negitive side of things. I forgot how important it was to see both sides. I created too much stress in my thinking. It was very narrow minded. It was closed thinking on my part. A few days ago. I realized how much my over all out look had really started to change and I was noticing it in my daily routine. Caught myself smiling and laughing more. At peace with myself and with the world around me. My son has even seen a change in me. Which is wonderful in itself. But the change I feel in myself is amazing. It is a wonderful journey. Not sure who told me this in one of my other posts in a reply but they said it is a journey and discovery. They are so right. With everyday something new is learned.
My son for the first time went to a meeting online. He loved it. I told him, that if he wanted to go back he could. He said yep mom. He and I talked a little. But I told him it is like when he goes to therapy just be honest. I am not going to ask about it. Tell me only what you want to share. He smiled real big. So for the first time in along time I could tell in his eyes it meant alot to him. He has been threw alot. Sometimes I have to remember I am not the only one struggling with this. But I know just like me his HP is with him too.
((((((((((((all))))))))))))))))))
PS read somewhere in a post or a reply about alanon kid friendly meetings going to check into that one for him and I would love to find this in a f2f. Thanks for the information on that.
One day at a time, One step at a time,
angeleyes
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I believe in my HP to show me the way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Awesome (((angeleyes))) - always so nice to read a share about the positive things Al-Anon has done for someone! Could really relate to the "smiling and laughing" - I hadn't even noticed that those were missing from my life until I came to this room and one day found myself having a real good belly laugh in chat, then it struck me, "my goodness I haven't laughed in months and months!" Great to hear your son is interested in meetings too! Good for him! Thanks for your share!
Luv, Kis
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Let your light shine in the darkness. "I can't just bring my mind to meetings...I must also bring my heart."
Check for Alateen in your area. The support your son will find there could be as life changing as Alanon is for you. Also, if your state has not had its annual conference, this might be a great place to start with your son. I took my sons with me to my first conference. It was great for them to be involved at whatever level they are comfortable. Your f2f meetings should have information about Alateen, conferences and even literature for Alateen. There is also literature available here for alateen, check out the family-teens link on the main page.
I could so relate to your post! I too used to have critical/negative thinking and would over-analyze. I thought these characteristics had developed as a direct result from living with the inevitable crises experienced whilst living with an alcoholic. I too learnt a lot about myself from reading the literature and listening/sharing in meetings. I realised that my critical thinking began in my family of origin and had become a habit. I also realised that most of my family were quick to point out negatives and rarely expressed something positive, unless it was positive disdain lol. I realised that though I sounded critical, this wasn't actually how I felt but was in fact a learned behaviour. It was an existing character defect and living with alcoholism had only magnified it to uncomfortable proportions. Al-Anon gave me the tools to change the behaviour and replace it with something more healthy. I particularly applied the slogan 'THINK'. I would ask myself before I spoke, "Is it Thoughtful, Honest, Intelligent, Necessary and Kind?" I learnt that just because I had a thought in my head, it didn't have to come out of my mouth! lol I used to pause and question "Do I need to respond to this? If so, when and how?" Before Al-Anon I didn't realise I had choices and used to react there and then. All that was required of me to achieve serenity and inner peace was to remain open-minded and be willing to change...wow!
With regard to analysing I found two things very useful as they were simple and easy for me to remember. 1. "Analysis is paralysis". After I had finished picking something down to it's bare bones I rarely felt better and often was more confused and just as helpless. It was actually better for me if I could accept my powerlessness and 'Let Go and Let God'. 2. A Zen proverb quoted underneath the 'Todays Reminder' in one of our daily readers: "If you understand, things are as they are. If you do not understand, things are as they are." This also served to remind me of my powerlessness, to be accepting and to keep the focus on myself.
As I began to change and in my opinion improve, I also noticed changes in my family. At first I experienced considerable resistance to the changes in me and some actively (but I suspect unknowingly) tried to repress it. It became even more necessary for me to be consistent and maintain my boundaries. Today I can see that they didn't want me 'rocking the boat' as they were comfortable in their dysfunction. Change was scary to them. My focus was my recovery; the change and growth were for me and about me. In time, I could see 'attraction rather than promotion' at work. I wasn't ramming my program down peoples throats but 'good stuff' just seemed to rub off on them. I rejoice when I see the positive changes but know that it is not my 'job' to change anyone other than myself. Thereby, I learned humility and gratitude.
Thank you so much for sharing your growth with us, you're doing so well. You have an awareness already and it sounds to me like your putting into practice 'Change your thinking and change your world'. It is a real privilege to see the program working in another. I'm happy for your son also. That big smile and shining eyes say so much! As mentioned by confused, ask about Alateen. Here in the UK it is from age 12. If your son is younger than this you may still find the Alateen literature useful. It is written by teenagers for teenagers. I also hope that if he is too young for Alateen you can find the child-friendly meetings. If your unable to attend meetings at this time try phoning your General Service Office and they may be able to provide the information on Alateen meetings and literature.
Once again, I wish you well on your continued journey of recovery and discovery. Please keep sharing 'your little treasures' with us, it's so heartwarming and uplifting. x Maria x
x Maria x