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Post Info TOPIC: I need so support


Senior Member

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Posts: 125
Date:
I need so support


Hi I am asking for some support, as I have recently found that Alcoholism has raised it's ugly head in one of my beloved Family members, and I am feeling  the effects of it all. It doesn't matter how long I have been in Al-Anon and working my program, it still hurts, a lot, and I find because I have the knowledge that I have with working my program for so long it can affect me more. I feel their pain, understanding the Powerless that I and others feel.

I do have a Sponsor within MIP, but they are unavailable for now for me, and I certainly don't want to start to feel alone, and carry.So that is why I am reaching out to you people as I know that you understand and would be here for me. 

When I heard about it from my Great Grand Daughter, I was devastated, she is only 15 and trying to deal with it alone. She has 2 younger Sisters, I told her she wasn't alone and I was here for her what ever. I knew that her Mother was in AA, but nothing else, I was told that she had busted and was struggling. I just listened to my Great Grand Daughter, as I could tell that she was stressed and didn't want to over load her with information about Alateen. I did ask her if she had someone to talk to, she said she did.

But afterwards I wanted to reach out to the other members of the Family, but I didn't know if I was doing the 'right' thing, in reaching out to the one who has the problem with Alcohol. I did reach out to reason it out with my Sponsor but they weren't available, so I left it for awhile, trying to let myself settle down emotionally, and then prayed, and listened to my heart, and sent them a Text just saying what I believed my HP wanted me to say. I thought to myself, that the person who has the problem coping with the active side of it, needs as much love and support that they can have. As they can be so alone and suffering as much as anyone. I didn't have a problem reaching out to the other members of the Family, and I found peace after I reached out to the my loved one who is battling the disease. oh, how much I hate this disease, that has/is destroying another beautiful Family.

So I have just reached out to the Mother and Father, sharing my love and caring with them, but also giving them some information to their son, who is trying to deal with all the issues. I told them about Al-Anon, getting some Local phone numbers, for where we live, also, this online program, and also some information to send to my Great Grand Daughter about Alateen, which I intend to send to her. Also, for them, as I can relate to what they are going through as well, being the Parents, and Grand Parents of.

I know that I have to look after myself as well, as it can rip my insides out, knowing of what they are going through, so much heartache. So that is why I am reaching out, and also, I contacted Al-Anon here in Australia, and got a local contact number for myself. But I love this MIP program as it and you guys have helped keep me together for so long, and I know you will be here for me.

Thank You For Being Here For Me,

Love WendyP.



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~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 2195
Date:

{{{Wendy}}}. I certainly relate to your sadness and feelings of hate towards alcoholism. Unfortunately I spent way too many years stuck in the abyss of bad, helpless feelings, and forgot about me in this process. I do now make suggestions once to suffering people, but then I have to let go and let God. Me being miserable does not help anyone. I am available if people need to talk or be listened to. But I cannot ruin my own serenity anymore if others do not want to get the help they need. We have a sayingprobably not an official slogan: Let go or be dragged! I have this on a magnet and I think it sums up things nicely. Take care of you. Embrace all the alanon you can take in. It is possible and likely that you can recover. We are powerless over others. Live and let live ODAT. Peace and love, Lyne

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Lyne



Senior Member

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Posts: 258
Date:

{{WendyP}}, I will echo what Lyne has written and add that although it is difficult to

experience and watch, absorbing and experiencing this pain is within your realm

to set aside with the sheer knowledge that you cannot control, cure or cause the

disease. It is very difficult, but necessary to take that step back and allow

other people to live their lives as they want.



__________________

"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it

does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown

Debbie



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 2713
Date:

((((WendyP))))

Letting you know you are not alone.

As an empath myself, I could imagine you absorbing this heartache for others. What has helped me is keeping The Three C's very close to me... sometimes carrying the saying in my pocket!



__________________

"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend

"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness."  Mary Oliver

 

 



Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 224
Date:

(((WendyP))) Sending you prayers during this agonizing period. Help is always here with MIP and when I tried members ' suggestions, I was astounded at the miracles that occurred from the least expected people at the least expected time.

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Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 147
Date:

Wendy, So sorry you are experiencing this once again with a close family member. Glad you reached out after extending lots of love and support to family to ask for what you deserve - some unconditional love and support from your recovery family. I, too am very grateful for MIP. I have so many in recovery to whom I can turn for support. Sponsors can't always be there. Grateful for every member. Keep hopeful, keep sharing, keep coming back. Hope your loved ones embrace recovery. ((hugs))) TT

__________________

Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.



Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 125
Date:

Hi, thank you all so very much for your sharings, it has helped me so much just to know that I am not alone and that I can talk to other people who understand what I am going through and how I feel about it all.

For me learning what I have In Al-Anon, I know what to do, how to do it, but when it comes time to use it,/work it that is the hard thing for me. It is the feelings  that come with it with it all. At the moment, I know in my heart, and mind that I have done everything that I can possible do, by giving out the information to my loved ones, but it is the dread that I feel in the pit of my stomache, that I am trying to work through. I am the type of person that feels others pain, and whether I like it or not, I walk beside them as they go through it.

I use to do it with my 3 Adult Children when I was very early in recovery, I have learnt for a long time of how to keep it manageable, but I am powerless to remove it. Because I care and love them, I know it is their journey, but it still hurts to see them going through it. What helps me when I am in pain over someone else, is that I read a passage in 'In All Our Affairs, saying that there are times when I have to hurt through a situation, and when this happens, the choice is not whether  to hurt or not to hurt, but what to do while I am Hurting". It helps me not feel guilty that I am hurting, as I can put a lot of pressure on my self,thinking that because I have Al-Anon, I shouldn't be feeling like I am.

It actually helps me take the pressure of myself, knowing and believing that I can work through the pain and put it in perspective. Knowing this too will pass. I don't have a switch that I can turn off, so I don't feel. I can be really hard on myself, so I am teaching myself that I am a Human Being with feelings. I know that I will work through this and find Peace with it, but I am being kind to myself and allowing it to take time.

Once again, thank you for being here for me, and for listening,

Love WendyP.



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Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 147
Date:

Thank you (((Wendy))) for this second sharing and how you use the program when going through these feelings. Today is my brother's b'day and we've been estranged almost a year now. His choice not mine. He's still drinking. Something very small happened between us earlier this year and he has chosen to make it larger than life and has blocked me. I sent him a card with a warm sentiment just the same. It hurts but all I can do as you mention is feel the feelings and let go as best I can. I said a prayer for him this morning and for my bf's dau and her new baby. She texted a pic but has not responded to her dad's phone calls or texts. Alcoholism and it's behaviors.. sigh  Anyway, I will be doing a little extra program reading today and try to be gentle with myself today and my loving sober partner who is experiencing family hurts as well. Take extra good care of yourself and thanks for being real. ((hugs)) TT



__________________

Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.



Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 125
Date:

Hi Tired Tonight, well today I am thinking of you and how you are feeling, I am so sorry for where you are, and I can certainly relate to your feelings. I have mentioned before that my 2 Adult Children has shut me out their lives, My daughter is the one who is battling brain cancer, I am shut out of how she is doing etc I have sent messages to her letting her know that I am here  her, I was told second hand by a stranger. I am hoping to find out how she is doing on Sunday, by someone who knows someone. The only contact I have with my son is through his Mobile, for now he hasn't blocked me, for that I am truly thankful. I have said to myself, if that happens, I will know that I have to really let go. I challenged him and his partner for the way they were treating and bringing up my 3 Grand Children, they broke their spirits, with their behaviour. I have been punished since then, I haven't seen my 3 Grand Children for nearly 8 years, and we live in the same Town. It hurts, my saving grace is I know who I am dealing with, and what I am dealing with.

Like as I know, I am Powerless, I do ring him on all their Birthdays, even though I know the kids probably don't get the messages, but I knew I reach out, like you did, and then let Go and Let God. For me these affects are ongoing. My saving grace is my Faith and My love of the Al-Anon Program. I have to work hard at it, but I value my Serenity. With my family, I pay the price for my recovery. I thank God that I can talk to people like yourself, as it helps me not bottle things up, I have to get them out.

Love WendyP.



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Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 147
Date:

Thank you Wendy. You're so right. We can only take actions towards family that feel right for us and let go. ((hugs)) TT

__________________

Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.

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