The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading speaks about physical violence. Some alcoholics become abusive, especially when they drink. The author shares that Al-Anon gives no advice regarding relationships. It is up to each Al-Anon member to decide for themselves when to continue a relationship and when to end a relationship when they are ready. However, Al-Anon dies emphasize our individual responsibility to take care of ourselves. If we know that physical violence is a part of our reality, it is our responsibility to take steps to protect ourselves. We may arrange a safe place to go when we need it, we may make sure that car keys and money are in easy access for ourselves. We may seek counseling, and we may speak to police officers about our options.
The author reminds us that no one has the right to physically abuse anyone else under any circumstances. We can look at our own behavior and ask ourselves if we are contributing to the problem by provoking someone who is drunk. We can work to change our behavior if we are, BUT WE DO NOT CAUSE ANOTHER TO BE VIOLENT OR ABUSIVE. (emphasis is mine)
Today's Reminder: I don't have the power to change another person. If I am dealing with violence, I must be the one who changes. I'll start by being honest about what it going on.
Today's Quote: "There is hope, there is help, and I have an unalienable right to human dignity." ...In All Our Affairs
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I like today's reading a lot. Although physical violence was not part of my story, emotional abuse was, and sometimes still is. Al-Anon helped me understand that I was not causing the abuse, that I did not deserve to be treated that way, and that it was up to me to change and take steps to protect myself. I am still working on setting boundaries and processing things as they happen. As I Spend more time in the program and get healthier little by little, I am better able to identify unacceptable and abusive behavior, and make decisions to protect myself from it.
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Thank you Skorpi for your service, but especially for your share... as emotional abuse isn't addressed per se, but can be just as damaging if not more so. The key I believe, is Al-Anon's emphasis on 'being honest about what is going on.' Al-Anon gently helps the member see beyond their denial, so that they can move to a healthier environment.
Grateful member,
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Skorpi and PnP, thank you so much for sharing on the topic of violence. This is a big one for me. Based on my experience, I feel so strongly that no one (including me!) should ever feel unsafe in their home.
I am grateful that Al-Anon addresses this, in this Courage to Change reading and also in one of the front pages of "How Al-Anon Works."
What I have learned is that, although I did not cause the violent or unsafe situation, it is up to me to take the first step -- both as Step One of our program, and also literally. I needed to take steps, and sometimes the first one seems impossible because of my own beliefs. Thankfully, I have taken those steps and now am blessed with a safe and serene home -- and a safe and serene mind.
I am a former active Behavioral Health Therapist that practiced on many levels from family and adolescent group and individual. Alcoholism is a violent disease mind, body, spirit and emotions. The behaviors are most often conducted by a sick, out of control individual or group of individuals and it is important to always have barriers and protection against any form of damage. When we consider that often the outcomes can be death...this is a fatal disease...I taught rational and sane defenses to create safety.
Do not take this disease lightly it doesn't need a car or gun only to take lives. I am one near fatal victim of it.
