The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Todays reading is about letting go of resentments and bitterness, and learning to forgive. The writer describes having grown up in an alcoholic family, and experiencing many forms of mistreatment. The result included feeling like an extremely angry and resentful victim. When forgiveness came up as a topic in literature or meetings, the writer shut it out. The writer then had a realization, and this following is the sentence that struck me: I thought resentment would prevent me from ever being hurt again. Wow! I knew that resentment was a defense mechanism but hadnt thought about it in terms of preventing any and all potential hurt. When the writer had this realization, he/she was able to let go of the bitterness and resentments through a spiritual awakening. The writer, through program work with extra meetings, sharing with sponsor, working steps, was able to give up the bitterness and regain positive motion in life.
I know that I have held on to old resentments and situations that I have allowed to continue to bother me. I dont think I ever saw so clearly that part of why I have done this was as a protection against being hurt. I have stumbled with forgiveness, especially when there has been someone who has not been fully accountable for their part in the hurt. The message from the Thought for the Day reminds me that forgiveness isnt necessarily a generosity of spirit toward someone who has hurt us:
Today I see forgiveness as an action I take to love myself more fully.
Thank you Mary for your service/ESH and above shares. Resentments that I thought were dealt with via Step 4, still resurface unexpectedly. My sponsor had me shift my focus onto what lay underneath some current ones. My unreasonable expectations keep me from completely letting go of control of how I expect matters to be handled. When things aren't done well in advance, I react as if chaos is around the corner. My HP spoke through my eczema (no joke)...when the rash reared it's ugly itch in the last 2 days, it was a sign that I was burying rather than working through negative feelings . Thanks to ointment and Al-Anon/MIP balm, feeling better inside and out. Have a lovely Sunday.
This post and it's wisdoms are a birthday gift I wasn't expecting yet received. I remember the thoughts in early program that our program and it's wisdoms for me was like the smarts I received as an employee of NASA. "This is ROCKET SCIENCE" I would think and speak out as the wisdoms and the speakers displayed truths I had would not hear anywhere else. I can complete a successful mission of attaining peace of mind and serenity by sitting still and deeply listening and following the experiences, strengths and hopes of others who orbited the stars of recovery before me.
Yes I use to see those metaphors often because both happenings were real in my life. I didn't defeat a mission quite so often when I worked with those who knew it more often than I.
There are much wisdoms in this post and I am so very grateful. Will be coming back to it during the day. (((hugs)))
