The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Todays reading is a focus on the slogan Just for Today. The writer describes finding it impossible to stay in the present. Instead thoughts were always focused on the next day, week or month. It got to the point that thoughts of the future overtook the present day. The writer acknowledged this character defect and asked for help to remove it. The writer began to celebrate the little joys in each day. In the context of alcoholism, the writer thinks that this behavior developed because there were so many awful situations at home, there were days the writer did not want to experience- instead trying to escape into a better future. Knowing there are are better choices now, the writer can enjoy the day and trust that HP is the best plan for the future.
I have learned to live in each day as its happening. Of course we have to make plans and have an eye on whats coming next, but through work I have learned not to be consumed by the ideas of what the future might bring. The words from One Day at a Time in Al-Anon (p79) remind us: I will keep always in mind that today is my sole concern, and that I will make it as good a day as I can.
Thank you Mary for your service, and Deb for your share.
I am a dreamer. As a kid, I was always day-dreaming. As a young adult, I was always looking toward that future of mine. As someone married to an addicted person, I was always dreaming for the day he would quit and be the person I married... I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop... I was always dreaming of a better life.
Yes, I had my mind in the present as well... you cannot live with an addicted person, manage their life, your young child's life, finances, household, work, Scout Den, school-room volunteer, band volunteer etc, and not be aware of the present day. But I later understood that I wasn't fully present for those days. Looking back, I sometimes wonder how I managed as well as I did!!! No one ever knew the life-sucking aspects of my day-to-day. Because I didn't let anyone in. I didn't let anyone see.
Today, I have balance. I have boundaries (that I actually uphold!). Sometimes I reflect back and I am simultaneously awed and saddened by my "talents" of those years. It is kind of bittersweet to look back on them now. I wish that I had been more "mindfully present" in the daily life. But I had responsibilities, and I took them seriously - which was a good thing, but I realize now that it was also because failure was not an option... b/c then the facade would be exposed. And I could not let that happen. Sad.
If there is anything good that can be said of this pandemic... it is that it has solidified for me that each moment is precious. I am making a point to fully enjoy each day that I have. I give Gratitude to my HP on a daily basis for my health, my sight, my hearing, my job that I actually love to do! By doing this, even on the days where I feel emotionally/spiritually low, I can boost myself up. It also keeps me focused on that day.
Grateful for this moment where I can truthfully write out my feelings w/o judgments.
It is a triple digit day here... I am taking it easy after I enjoy a walk with my mom. Wishing you all,
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
I am still triggered by alcoholism in my vicinity with go to responses of past anxiety and fear propelling me anywhere but here, in the now.
Thankfully alongside that "yuck" feeling, now there is also programme responses including feelings are not facts and where's the evidence of xyz doom philosophy? The evidence indicates competence, stability and many a miracle at the right time. If I take care of today, just for today, tomorrow will take care of itself.
It's been rough on my end recently with a heavy school workload, complex pre- litigation strategy, kids, and a flare up of another person's alcoholism. The kids are probably my sanity actually. Which is a nice change from seven years ago when three were in nappies omg. I appreciate that they are now so much less dependent and I get more sleep and have more energy to keep the house clean. I appreciate today.
