The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading talks about that as we let go of obsession, worry and focusing on everyone but ourselves, many are bewildered by the increasing calmness of their minds. We know how to live in a state of crisis, but is can take a bit of adjustment to become comfortable with stillness and the time we now have.
The author talks about becoming more serene as a result of working the program, but being surprised by still grabbing for old fears as if they wanted to remain in crisis. they realised they didn't know how to feel safe unless they were mentally busy and when they worried, they felt involved - and therefore somewhat in control.
The authors shares that their sponsor suggested they try to maintain their inner stillness even when they felt scared or doubtful. As they did so they reassured themselves they were safely in the care of a Power greater than themselves and are learning to trust the peace.
Today's reminder - Today I will relish serenity. I know that it is safe to enjoy it.
'Be Still and know that I am with you' - English prayer
I can identify with this. For me and my fragile self worth, the obsession and worrying about everyone else gave me a distorted purpose in my life. If I could help someone then I had value, so my helping and obsessing over others became a way to validate my own self worth. Crisis created many opportunities to get involved and I felt 'needed'. Of course this was all just a mask and I was frightened to focus on myself in case I found myself worthless. External validation and being needed by others felt more secure than trusting my own internal validation.
Slowly with Al-Anon, I have not only learned to accept serenity, but to crave it and actively seek it out in my life. For me what made the difference was the support of my home group and sponsor to allow my self worth and self value to grow, until I no longer wanted to seek out chaos to feel needed. I now feel safe on my own and just being me.
Thanks BT for your service and honest share which I also can relate to. I grew up feeling worthless/useless/stupid etc., from a combo of my FOO and an early career in the arts. I was dedicated to not liking or valuing myself, and the neediness on others was a way of life. Another aspect of my misery was that I felt good so infrequently, that I didn't really want to feel good. I knew it would come to an end, and that was more painful than just staying as I was. What a mess! Fast forward to program, and I am in such a different and better state. Yes I have flaws, make mistakes, and sometimes get sucked into the drama with my A, but I spend more time now feeling calm, appreciating lots of things, and have developed love and respect for me. What a turn around that is. I'm a truly huge fan of this program.
Good Day All. Thank you BT for your service/ESH and everyone's shares. I was a crisis junkie long before I met my husband. In fact, I used to brag to my bosses that I THRIVED under pressure (how sick was that?) Employers loved my workaholic ways and it served me well...until it didn't. Once I switched to a calmer work environment, my AH became my new project...until it brought me near the edge. Thanks to Al-Anon stressing self care, I am so into me. Attending to past due medical care, exercise, spiritual care etc...keeps me busy in my lane and teaches me balance. It took effort to use my energy on me. I would loaf and procrastinate for myself but could summon superhuman strength to do for others. At times, like today, it's do nothing day...and I have to convince myself it's okay to (as the kids say) chill (?). Enjoy Labour Day. In my part of the world it's the last long weekend of the summer...loving the cool crisp temperatures...
Thank you BT for your service and the daily. Thanks to all for your shares and ESH. I recall vividly that moment when it was perfectly quiet and still around me and I felt panic vs. calm. I truly did not know how to live or thrive without chaos, drama, racing mind, anxiety, etc.
My sponsor suggested all kinds of self-care things to help fill that 'void'. Through trial and error, I was able to find different things that not only relaxed me but I thoroughly enjoyed. With each of us different, yet working the same program, how lovely is it to find our way from crisis to calm?
I'm grateful that when I flared up, she remained a calming, consistent voice for me suggesting the same things over and over again. I do well with consistency so her calm, soft-spoken voice was helpful as well as the various tools she mentioned. I have come to like the calm - much prefer over the chaos/drama/insanity of before. I try each day to prioritize this as part of my morning prayers - please help me stay sane, serene, sober and of service as I do your will, not mine. I am so much better at not giving others power over me and truly know that words/actions from others are a reflection of them, not me - no matter how targeted or direct they are!
Happy Saturday all. We've had a ton of rain around here - needed but now in excess. I'm off to volunteer at the golf course for the rest of the day. I depart for my cross-country road trip to my parents house in one week, pending any changes/emergencies. My week is full of golf and volunteering so I stay focused on one day at a time. Make it a great day!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
