The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's contributor admits the tendency to try changing others to fit self desires, and to blame the failure to meet those desires on the shortfalls of others. A wish for others to always be there for them, but not ask for much in return...more like a pet than a human relationship. Not surprisingly, relationships felt strained.
Alanon helps us differentiate what we need from what we want or expect. No one person can be all things for us...
As is always the focus in Alanon, I must examine my own attitudes, and expectations, reasonableness, allowance for individuality...do I truly appreciate what I receive?
Reminder: Trying to change others is futile, foolish, and not loving. Today, instead of looking to others as the source of my troubles, I can look at myself to see what I can and need to change within.
"The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves and not to twist them to fit our own image." - T Merton ---------------------- Boom...This page is huge, in terms of Alanon concepts and principles, but specifically in pointing my recovery in the direction of my needed improvement. It always seems easier to point to someone else and ask for change, but that will never bring me inner contentment; I must change me.
Alanon principles are simple, but the implications run very deep and the execution is a lifelong endeavor. I am grateful for the progress that program wisdom has guided me toward, and for the increased and continually growing appreciation I have for others.
I ask daily for the strength and guidance of my higher power to grow in the ways I look for improvements I can make, rather than pointing to the shortfalls of others. Grateful
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Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
I did my reading also before leaving for the VA hospital and a scheduled appointment. My wife did the driving and while I rode shotgun (right seat) I re-inventoried the gratitude and the joy I was having for having the VA and also the memories of the blessings I have been able to enjoy as a member of our program. This took any and all concerns I might have had for what would happened after getting to the hospital. I felt grateful and joy together so there wasn't much of a wait for the tech to find me and run thru the procedures. It was over in no time and then my wife and I ran up to Wendy's for a bite to eat.
What an extra special taste gratitude and joy brings to the table. Thank you HP!! Thank you MIP!! (((hugs)))
Thank you Paul for your service and the daily. Thanks to all for your shares. All I know through my own trials, efforts, energy, ego, experience is that at any point in time when I am willing to throw blame/shame onto others I am blocking myself from my own serenity!! Without fail, when I find myself discontent, it is because I am (again/still) looking beyond me for answers to MY problems.
I had to learn in recovery that nobody can 'complete me'. Nobody can be all that I want them to be. One single person can't be all that I think I need either. I get all that I need from my HP who brings all people, experiences, events, etc. into my life at the proper time for me to learn, grow, change -- rinse and repeat. It is my responsibility to find my joy during the journey.
I am grateful for learning all 'this' in recovery. (((Hugs))) to all!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
