The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
In today's reading, the author talks about the trust they felt in working with their first sponsor. They describe how they felt before they asked them - a mess, questioning whether the sponsor would accept them, thinking they would be turned down because they were not worth saving.
The sponsor gently guided them through the Steps and the author talks about the desperation to feel better and being willing to try whatever Al-Anon tool or idea suggested.
One lonely day the author describes phoning their sponsor and crying out in despair that they would never get the hang of feeling better. The sponsor replied that they didn't know anyone who was as willing to work the program as they were. The author describes how their spirits soared and the realisation that the sponsor had said what they couldn't say to themselves - that they were willing, that they would be okay and over time would learn how to give that acknowledgement to themselves.
They had taken a chance; trusted and as a result knew they were worth saving.
Today's reminder - Learning to value myself can begin by having the courage to find, and use, a Sponsor.
"Nothing we do, however virtuous, can be accomplished alone; therefore, we are saved by love." Reinhold Niebuhr
I can recognise that before Al-Anon, all of my energy and focus was on my AH. I let my physical and emotional health slip until it was at the bottom of a very big pile. I put my own needs last before everyone else and in fact if I had been asked, I wouldn't have even been able to articulate what my own needs were. I didn't trust anyone. I didn't even trust myself.
Slowly with Al-Anon, I discovered I did have needs, but my self esteem and self worth were so battered, that I didn't feel important enough to have them met. That was the point I chose my sponsor. It took me a long time to open up to her. It took me just as long to reach the point to do Step 4, because I was afraid of what might be lurking underneath when I turned the mirror on myself.
My sponsor didn't suggest techniques and tools as today's reader shared. Instead she shared her own ESH, but at a much deeper level than happened in the group meetings. The stories she shared and the slogans and sayings she wove into them, slowly gave me the insight to trust enough to start sharing my own stories and needs.
The realisation that I was worth saving didn't come in a flash - it was more of a gentle realisation and one that is still continuing today.
For me the hardest part was allowing the deep trust to develop between my sponsor and me. My life script was all about not trusting people, to avoid being hurt, but slowly I realised that the wall I had built around myself to keep people out was a barrier to my own growth. Today my wall has many holes in it and I am finally learning to break it down completely.
Thanks for your service BT and your important share. Well I thought I just knew everything. I had come to MIP a few times over a year, just when I was in dire straits. I planned NEVER to go to a F2F meeting, nor get a sponsor. I thought I could fix things myself. WRONG!! Somehow after being on the board for awhile, it did occur to me that I could benefit from doing the steps with a sponsor, and I allowed myself to find my first sponsor. As your share mentioned above, the ESH I received on that personal level from her and also now with my second sponsor, is irreplaceable. It is so helpful, and so inspiring. To see the examples of how to live your live in a better way, with enormous challenges, are lessons learned. Grateful member always.
BT and Lyne, thank you for sharing. Sponsorship has been a total miracle in my life. I was so desperate that, although I am not very outgoing, I was willing to ask sponsors who had what I needed.
My first sponsor was in a life situation so amazingly similar to mine -- a spouse very sick from alcoholism -- and who had a lot of program experience. What she shared with me -- her experience, and her time -- was life-saving for me. Although I don't know where she is now, I will always be grateful.
My second and current sponsor is someone who, when I first met her, I thought we didn't have anything in common and that her personality style just did not mesh with mine. She was always so cheerful it was annoying. The time came that I wanted to do a service position that required me to have a sponsor, and when I thought about the people I could ask, the higher power put her into my mind. She was thoughtful about taking me on (she talked with her sponsor first) -- and now she is an amazing miracle in my life. I could not have imagined how much I would enjoy working with her on my steps. I'm even enjoying the Fourth Step, which I am currently on.
Thank you BT for your service and the daily. Thank you all for your ESH & shares. While I don't understand exactly how all things recovery work, I do believe my progress is directly tied to having sponsorship in my journey. I am one who 'thinks' I can reason things out with my self and get to a sane place. My thinking in this arena is distorted as it was with many other things.
My experience is without a sponsor, you will find relief. With a sponsor, you will find grace, serenity, gratitude and joy that tends to have a lasting power well beyond the relief. I was so very defeated when I arrived, I also had no trust in others or myself. Time takes time and when a bit of sanity returned by doing what was suggested, I felt more confident in seeking a sponsor. It was suggested that I seek out someone who 'has what I wanted' vs. being like me.
My sponsor is quite different than I. She's patient, soft-spoken, introverted and full of grace. It's been a great fit for me, as I'm learning how to be a better person and definitely a better version of me. I am grateful I found a way to set aside my ego, pride and fear and seek the support of a sponsor. Love and light to all!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
