The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's story tells of a man's struggle with his spouse's occasional program lapses. Al-Anon reminds him to instead rejoice in her successful periods of sobriety, to appreciate her effort, and not to take on her problems with alcohol.
TODAY'S REMINDER: When we slip into responsibility or fixing mode (a God-like attitude), we must concentrate on the First Step: Admitted we were powerless....
"Why art thou troubled because things do not succeed with thee according to thy desire? Who is there who hath all things according to his will? Neither I, nor thou, nor any man upon the earth." Thomas a Kempis
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Despite the archaic language in today's quote by Thomas a Kempis, it was this passage that spoke most strongly to me. I thought my life was going to be.... But, no matter what I put in place: the thinking ahead and the planning, going without, putting money and materials aside for later, keeping my mouth shut, speaking out on behalf of others, things still went awry! It made me furious!
It comes as a great relief to read that a man in the 1400s stated so compellingly that I am not in charge and cannot control others! That no one gets to have everything she thinks she deserves. The world is not going to assemble itself according to my will.
Oh what perfect timimg. Thank you dear Brave for the service and the share.
I am feeling like a tired toddler at the moment. Not over anothers addiction which is definitely progress for me, but I am still annoyed. Totally powerless over a corrupt society made up of corrupt people. That is the issue. I needed to be reminded of that powerlessness because I was starting to get sent off into my isms. The ism of perfectionism, almighty brain-ism, and taking it personally. I have been working really hard on something and then the rules got broken and I feel cheated. The most ridiculous part of that feeling is that I also achieved two major things: change, and payment. But I can not seem to feel the progress because all I see is that just as the game was getting good, the other side ruined my impending victory. Of course that is to be expected in a corrupt society. Sweet I needed to vent that. It probably sounds insane but I feel better. Yes I am powerless over other people and places and things. But I am not powerless over me and my ethics. I am going to need to lean into my faith and trust that my creators plans are always better than my dreams. Hard to surrender my will sometimes. I must try to remember that it is not a surrender to that which I find repugnant; it is a surrender always to the Higher Power.
Hi there TT. I haven't slept well tonight either, so I started looking around at my Favorites lists and realized I had reconnected with mip about a year ago. I hope the day is going better for you. Did you know that two years ago I and hub moved across country from FL to WA? It's nice to SEE you, a familiar friend :) mspw
Thank you Bbrave for your service and all above ESH. Everytime I think I have Step 1 under control, NOPE! Something pops up and I must open that tool box and dig out everything I need: all the Steps, my QTIP, slogan for the moment: Live and let live, Let go and let God--two of my favorites and much needed. I need help everyday from program and HP. Cant afford to step away. Life with my A is challenging and life in general requires constant attention to cope well. And take care of me in this process. That's why I love my do so much!! She is much easier than a human and gives me joy all through the day.
Thanks Bbrave for an excellent post and all the wonderful shares. It's finally sunk in to "mind my own business" as MIP members have stressed. I create problems when I force my logic assuming it's the best way to solve problems (especially when I haven't been asked). My sponsor drilled it into my head that my behaviour and attitude illustrate that I think I know better than God and I deny my loved one his individuality. Yep. I was speechless...LOL...just accepting my powerlessness...I never dreamt that letting go would bring such relief for me AND my loved one...thanks for reminding me to practice, practice, practice...
Thank you Bbrave for your service and the daily. Thanks to all for your shares and ESH. There is nothing that stops me in my tracks faster than a crisis with my parents. I'm there now and truly know that staying close to my HP, my program, my routines and with my head over my feet serves me best in moments like this.
The last 3 days have been a whirlwind of information, misinformation, data overload, etc. What I choose to focus on is that my mother is alive, physically sound yet extremely confused. I have been extremely emotional simply because I've been 'stuck' in the thought that the mother I've known my whole life is probably gone. What's striking about today's reading is that I do still have her here, for today.
They finally found a hospital room for her yesterday. Her emergency began Monday morning (possibly Sunday night). This pandemic has put such a strain on our healthcare system -- I am amazed they found her a room in the same state. The hospital is ~~45~~ miles from their home, so my father (same age, 86) is driving back/forth to visit and get updates. I am immensely proud of the 'stock' I am from - he's not complaining and is doing great. We've got a plan based on what we know and I'm headed that way in 2 weeks. This will allow me to help him get her long-term care (in-home or not) and get her settled. Of course, things will change and I will go sooner if needed.
My mother has had a massive stroke. She has no motor skill damage at all; the stroke has isolated all 'affect' to her brain. Nobody knows how rehab will/will not help yet that will be her next step as she's physically stable - exception is supplemental oxygen. I have never in my life heard of anyone who's had such a massive stroke while standing upright. She did not fall, did not stumble, she just planted herself upright completely unaware of who she was and/or where she was.
Recovery has taught me that my will does not serve me well and truly represents my 'wants'. I've had countless internal debates over my 'wants' vs. my 'needs', and when I truly consider myself and my life authentically, my needs are met and I am very, very grateful. It is my 'wants' that get me in trouble, kick-start my 'isms' and sway my attitude and my outlook towards the dark side. Recovery has shown me that there is a bright side and I have much more peace and joy when I choose the bright side.
My qualifiers continue to do what they do and yet, we are in a much better place than when I arrived. It has nothing to do with them changing; it's been changes in me - one big one that my sponsor suggested early on and often was to focus on what's better/improved vs. what's still so broken. I arrived full of blame and shame for the disease and the diseased and completely in denial about my contribution to the insanity of my life.
So, there is more going on in my life than I desire. When I begin to feel overwhelmed or extremely sad/fearful, I use this program to restore me to some sanity/my center. We have a super-sized family and there are a couple who are too dramatic/chaotic for me, for now so I have delegated updates to others who have more capacity. I am grateful I have finally learned to ask for help when needed and to focus on this day, just this one day as best I can.
When my mind goes to 'my wants', I know I need to work on my spiritual fitness. I have found it a waste of my resources - time, energy, etc. - to spend time there. I do trust my HP to meet my needs; and that's what truly matters for my sanity/serenity.
I'll be in/out around here for a bit. Thanks to all for the support and prayers.
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
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