Thank you Paul for your service and the daily. Thanks also for the posted ESH & shares. I also arrived wanting the 'fix' for those I love with addiction/alcoholism. Not so fast they said. Instead, it was suggested I focus on me, work on me and that I was as sick (or sicker) than those I fretted about.

Of course, I did not like what I heard. Of course, I felt they were wrong in every way. And I did choose to walk away and battle the disease a bit longer. In my experience, trying to control, monitor, manage, fix, correct, etc. all those around me to fit into 'my definition' of how life should be did not work out - at all.

What I know now is I am a better mother, daughter, friend, sister, etc. when I am taking good care of me and then being of service to others. Saying No is not a selfish answer; it's a healthy answer to a request I feel unqualified to respond to. I lean into this program and on others I love in recovery often/daily. Left to my own devices and thinking, I would have been on the road last night, headed out of state, with not much sleep and way too much emotional Adrenalin.

Instead, I am working on Plan B's for my responsibilities here, packing what I need, cooking healthy meals to take along and leave behind for my AH and helping from afar as best I can. My mother has been moved from one hospital to another. She's still in the ED (Emergency Department) as there are no beds available (so far). The biggest change from yesterday to today is that my father can't visit her at the larger hospital until she's formally admitted. No formal tests will be done until she's admitted. We're in a 'catch 22' - I am powerless over that as well as what may come next.

I am so grateful for the wisdom of others who came before me in this program....they remind me when I start to 'spin out' that I am part of a larger plan, trust in that plan will help me calm down and being helpful vs. helpless is a choice. While I am worrying about my mother a few states away, we got news this morning that my friend is declining rapidly.

I must share that I have prepared for my friend to pass and have also prepared for my mother/parents to pass. As much as one can actually do so. What did not cross my mind until this morning is that I am not prepared for my mother and my friend to pass at the same time. When I realized this possible reality, sadness has replaced my worry. Our program tells me it's OK to be sad. It's OK to try and wrap my head & heart around 'this'. I don't need to have all the answers or even a 'plan' - I can just take some time and process. As part of my self-care today, I did go golf in my 9-hole league. I did not golf well and that's OK - I got out, focused on something different and spent quality time with my HP.

Recovery has given me the gift of being able to be authentic. I can honestly say that admitting my feelings isn't something I would have done BR (Before Recovery). I am so grateful that no matter what's going on in my life or my day, I have support who can remind me of our tools, our beliefs and how to get back to a saner/serene place. (((Hugs))) to all - make it a great day!

Thank you Paul for your service/ESH thought provoking post which guides me to change my perspective. I agree wholeheartedly with you lm. And Iamhere, sending prayers to you and your parents. DM2021, I hope Henri didn't wreak too much havoc in your part of the world. Grateful to be part of MIP.

I so needed to read this today. I am struggling so much. I do not know where to turn. I am having trouble finding a meeting online at any time I am not working, short of the middle of the night and sleep is something I do not get enough of.

I am living in fear, I stop, I pray, I hand it over and still I feel unsafe, not of physical abuse, of the AH and the blame placed on me, the burden of needing so much from me constantly with no assistance. I am a part of another fellowship also and so I find myself struggling.

Thank you