The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
In the reading for Monday, August 16th, the writer shares that harsh words and accusations can be used against the alcoholic. This can cause damage, and asks why we risk hurting someone who is already hurting? The author also asks if they are punishing the drinker or relieving their own pent-up feelings, when they shout or have reckless tantrums?
Reminder: I cannot punish anyone without punishing myself. The release of my tensions, even if it seems justified, leaves dregs of bitterness behind. Unless I have deliberately decided that my relationship with my spouse has no further value in my life, I would do well to consider the long-range benefits of quiet acceptance in times of stress.
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Im grateful that I dont yell or have tantrums, but I certainly get angry. And the ironic thing is that nowadays, my blood pressure is usually increasing when I am trying to force solutions. I am guilty of asking questions, and bringing up topics, that are going to create problems. I want to be able to pause before raising controversy, or bringing up questions I already know the answer to. I will not only be doing my A a favor, but I will save myself unnecessary stress.
Good Day Lyne. Thank you for your service. You stated that you try not to force solutions and to pause before raising controversy. My HP spoke to me through you this morning. I was on the verge of having a talk with my AH this morning about the warning signs I've been observing which historically alerted me that he's derailing mentally. Instead I prayed, checked the board, went to the gym, fixed us brunch, sorted laundry...in short, distracted myself from my anxiety (heart pounding, stomach in knots; grounded myself in reality-kill the desire to cut and run...I asked HP for help. For once, I am willing to let outside help deal with "whatever " happens. I will not insert myself unless he asks for help. Thanks for saving me from myself. Have a great day.
What an AWESOME POST of recovery from the family that knows and knows that they know. My previous reading was of newcomers looking at the future of "what if" and then I know the experience that question answers from the ESH shared from the SERVICE recovering members do. The consequence of true SERVICE is miracles on both sides of the room; AA and Al-Anon.
Thanks so very much for the reminder. Got nothing to do today? Do at twelfth step. ((((hugs))))
Thank you Lyne for your service and the daily. Thanks to all for your shares and ESH. Perhaps because I am a double-winner or perhaps just because I know I feel lousy when I attack my persons over their disease - all I do know is that it does absolutely nothing good for me or them. I do know that when I was active in this disease, I maintained a perpetual, altered state of mind and being simply because I did not know how to deal with life on life's terms or pain. I had no self-esteem, a head and heart filled with guilt, shame and remorse for who I became and had not trust in any solution suggested or offered...
I am guarded with my words simply because I do not want to hurt anyone any longer. My lashing out with words towards others or desire to do so is a queue to myself that I am struggling with acceptance and trusting HP. Simply put, I am not spiritual fit in that moment and need to return to focusing on me, my recovery, my program, my spiritual condition.
I prefer to pause and pray before I proceed than to make amends for hurting/harming another. Recovery has given me healthy boundaries which I desire others to respect; shouldn't I do the same in return? No matter how utterly insane, unreasonable, unfathomable, etc. it is not my job to deter, persuade, manipulate, distract another from their plans. To me, my side of the street is safe, sane, serene. To another, it may be boring, unexciting, structured, etc. It took me recovery to finally understand it is truly not my business how another lives their life, no matter how much I care or love them.
Happy Monday MIP! I've already golfed, took a nap, done a little laundry and am playing catch up from a busy weekend. I am really grateful for our mild temperatures around here....I wish it would last forever, yet I'm thrilled with it as is, one day at a time!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
