The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Todays reading is about the role fear can play in our lives. The writer describes fear as a catalyst for any character defects that may have been lying dormant. The writer describes the defects as seeming to be powered off, but when fear comes into play they are charged and get moving. The writer tries to figure out what triggers the fear and found that trying to control something which is out of control is one of the the triggers. The serenity prayer, with its reminders about what can and cant be controlled, is a calming exercise for the writer. Another trigger is leaving the present and getting caught up in thinking about the future. The writer then describes bringing him/herself back to the present by making lists and focusing on exactly what actions are taking place ( I am driving, I am cooking, etc).
This reading is such a powerful one for me- I remember feeling physical reactions (nausea, insomnia) to situations I couldnt control, and certainly the fear that resulted helped my character defects to a place right up front in my behavior. Like the writer, I find the serenity prayer, making lists and focusing on the smallest actions of the day are extremely helpful ways to stay calm and in the moment.
The thought for the day describes fear as a human emotion which can be triggered in many ways. The tools of the program can help us figure out where these triggers are and turn them off.
Thank you for this Sunday Service, Mary! Yes, as you do, I find peace in making lists... especially a Gratitude List.
In working this program, I found that much of my disfunction was because of the fear living with an alcoholic spouse brought to my life. What new disasters will I have to face? What fires will I have to put out? Who will I have to rescue next? How much longer can I be "The Rock?" On some days, I just wrote 2 things on my list... 2 things (out of about 20 daily) that needed to be attended to. I felt a sense of accomplishment if I got those 2 things crossed off!! I learned in Al-Anon that it is "OK" to have those days where I just wasn't up to handling those 20 things.
I also see,- and have discussed with close friends - how today's society is marred with Fear. It looms large for most of us (pandemic), but there are some very loud parts of our society that have let the Fear control their behaviors... they have forgotten what it is to be kind & cooperative. The Serenity Prayer keeps me grounded when I think of these people's distructiive/disruptive/unlawful behavior. I try to be part of the solution, not the problem.
Even though I may not always post, coming to this forum helps me control my fear about what is going on in our country, in our world. It helps to ground me.
Forever grateful,
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Thank you Mary for your service and the daily. Thank you all for your shares and ESH. When fear rises up within me, and I take a moment to ground myself in the present, most of the time, my fear is based in either projection for future events or forgetting that I am powerless. As I reflect on our society, the pandemic, and the strife and division that exists, time and time again I find myself even more grateful I have this program. I have no doubt without it, I'd be out there right-fighting and that never, ever brought me any sanity or serenity.
I have been affected by the disease of alcoholism/addiction in others. That is a fact, not a reason nor an excuse. What I do with that fact and how I react/respond is a choice. I always had a choice; I just didn't realize/know that. Nobody asked me to cover for them, take care of all things, be the mother, martyr, manager, etc. It was 'me' who saw the chaos and destruction of this disease and chose to try and fight the good fight alone. I feared for the health and future of my guys way more than they did - they were living their lives, one day at a time, doing what they wanted/needed and I was the one who became paralyzed by fear of the unknown.
I have no shame in admitting that I return to Step one often. I am hard-headed enough to need reminding that I am powerless over this disease and the diseased. I can be restored to sanity and have serenity when I am willing to focus on changing me - not them. I do believe in Jerry's sponsor's opposites - my sponsor suggests the same. We decided the opposite of fear is faith and the 2 can't co-exist in harmony, only in disharmony. I chose faith - it's the more sane choice.
I'm closing the golf course shortly and the players are on the last hole. I've been here off/on for almost 13 hours - played this morning and volunteering this afternoon/evening. I did the reverse yesterday and truly can't think of a better place to be - to talk with my HP, enjoy healthy company, get some activity/golf in and focus on the good times in my life. In spite of the disease, I am grateful for many joyful, fun-filled memories with my guys and my gal pals. I have been thinking often of late - YOLO - You Only Live Once and intend to make the most of it, one day at a time. (((Group Hug)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
