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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> C2C, 8/9, outward appearances
Post Info TOPIC: C2C, 8/9, outward appearances
Lyne


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C2C, 8/9, outward appearances
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In the reading for Monday, 8/9, the writer expresses not being able to be themself around others. They were too busy trying to be what others wanted, assuming they would not be acceptable as they were.  In F2F meetings, the writer learned that they were not crazy.  Other people had also been affected by anothers alcoholism.  The writer felt that they would no longer have to lie.  They could now live their life for inner peace instead of outward appearances.

Reminder:  Living with joys and problems affirms my membership in the human race.  What sets me apart is the path on which I have been placed to walk.  No one can walk it for me, nor can I change my path to suit anyone else. 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

I remember feeling that I just never fit in.  I was uncomfortable in most social situations, and avoided them when I could.  I didnt think that people would like me, and assumed what came out of my mouth was stupid.  I did not feel good in my own head, so how could I expect others to like/accept me?

I came to understand why my first sponsor asked me to write an asset about myself daily.  I started seeing a whole person, not just negatives.  I developed an understanding about life with alcoholics.  I was able to detach when needed and separate emotionally.  This has helped me no longer think much about outward appearances and if I am pleasing others.  Alanon has given me self-respect.



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Lyne
mamalioness


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Hey Lyne, thanks for your Sunday service and great post/share

I remember in HS, I was so ashamed of my family and even more ashamed of me because somehow I knew I was wounded, compromised, damaged..I just did not know the words or phrases, but one thing I did know..I did not want to be me..I wanted to be ANYone but me..and its sad because i was honor student in school, I sub-taught when a teacher was absent, thats how good I was, but I never saw the positive in me..So I would be what I thought my latest boyfriend would want me to be..I just "knew" he would not want to hang out with the real me...

this went on till I got into program, really...All those decades lost to shame..Now I want to be me..Insist on being real, but kind and with boundaries and when I am having a hard time, like lately the nightmare of not being able to find work and no UI benefits anymore, but I still want to be ME and I still think, know, that I am worthy..I am not ashamed of me because I lost my business to Covid, couldn't say that a few years ago, even..I was still shame based..I have my difficulties, but now I can be real, open, honest, willing to do what I gotta do to take care of me...because I am worth it..And if I should find a partner, he is gonna like/love the real ME..how can I know a relationship is real if I am not real myself?? I can't and I want real in my life now

thank you for this great share

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Rose, a work in progress!!!

KEEP IT SIMPLE_EASY DOES IT_KEEP THE FOCUS ON ME
DM2021


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Thank you Lyne for your service, today's reading and to you and Rose for both your ESH.

It is amazing to think back when for most of my life I felt I did not fit in. Once I joined

Al-Anon I learned that I needed to be kinder to myself and not change myself in order to

please others and therefore fit in. I learned, eventually, that I needed to value myself

as I was and work to improve for myself and not others. Deep down, when I was not

happy with myself it was because I was fearful and anxious, so addressing those

aspects of my personality working the steps really was the catalyst to my recovery!!

Living with someone who suffers with the disease of alcoholism has taught me how

to be humble and grateful for what I have and the lessons learned.

__________________

"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it

does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown

 
mamalioness


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Thank you Debbie for your awesome share

I did something today I didnt think I would ever get the guts to do. My alcoholic brother called me three times today and I did not pick up the phone because I knew it was at that hour that he would have his first drink and I just didnt pick up the phone. I took care of me. I did a step ten and checked my motives As to why I was dissing his calls and it was merely because I just didnt want to deal with it. I have my dog that Im trying to get past this skin irritation and just other things taking care of and you know I didnt feel an ounce of guilt. I texted him later on and said that I was busy and that I was I think I said I needed my recovery mates to work over a step something in that neighborhood and that I was sorry I Wasnt able to take his call. I took care of myself. I was me today. I didnt feel obliged to pick up the phone because every now and then he feels like checking in on me. So it will probably be another month or so but you know? Its OK and I am OK with it.

Yes! I want to be a blessing to everybody in my life be it close or distant but you know what? I also want to be a blessing to me. I love him. I always will. But if I have another day where I am needing to work my recovery or take care of a sick dog, I am going to do what I Gotta do. And I can almost guarantee that when we do talk he will say well where in the heck were you why didnt you pick up the phone? And Im just going to tell him the truth that I needed to be there for me today



-- Edited by mamalioness on Monday 9th of August 2021 12:10:38 AM

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Rose, a work in progress!!!

KEEP IT SIMPLE_EASY DOES IT_KEEP THE FOCUS ON ME
Iamhere


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Thank you Lyne for your service and the daily. Thanks to all for your shares & ESH. I struggled to feel a part 'of' before recovery. The disease had sucked the life from me as well as my self worth and self esteem. I do believe my biggest issue in this arena was I was constantly competing/comparing with others. In spite of hearing not to judge a book by it's cover, I unintentionally did so over and over again and assumed the reserve was true too.

I am absolutely beyond words grateful that recovery has given me the ability to be authentic and that's enough for me. I no longer feel less than or more than anyone else but instead strive to just be a part of. I used to live for chaos/drama around me as it kept me focused beyond my own life. Today, I can't stand chaos/drama and will go to any lengths to step far away from it.

At times, it seems as if I had horse blinders on and barreled through life 'half-blind' - at least in the peripheral. I truly felt my issues/problems were worse than others and lived in a perpetual state of self-loathing and self-pity. I know now that each and every person I encounter is suffering/struggling in some way, shape or form. Having empathy and compassion for me and all others helps me better love and accept others unconditionally as they are - self too.

Happy Monday all - started my day at the golf course and grateful we finished before the heat arrived. We're set to have more record-setting/heat wave temperatures here this week - too hot for me to handle! Make it a great day!


__________________

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 
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