The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Todays reading is about how some of us have used hiding as a reaction to living with active alcoholism. The writer describes finding ways to disappear before any trouble/chaos had a chance to grow. The writer goes on to say that this instinct has shown up in adulthood in the form of something blatant like not answering the phone out of fear to something more subtle like not saying what is really meant to be said in order to avoid being criticized.
The writer learned through alanon how to think before running away from a person or situation. The following sentence really stands out to me from this page: When I react in fear, I give power to the unhealthy part of myself that tells me its not safe to be myself and that Ill never be able to change. As the thought for the day points out, the serenity prayer is a reminder that we have our HP and program tools as sources of support and strength.
Todays reading resonates strongly with me. I know that I need work on facing rather than turning away from situations that seem uncomfortable to me. My tendency is to turn inward, and I will consider that sometimes this means I am giving power to the unhealthy part of me, rather than using sources of support to see and face things directly. I will add that when I go against the instinct of hiding and face something head on, I most often come out of it feeling strong and forward moving, rather than the kind of sheepish relief that goes along with avoiding/hiding.
Thank you Mary for your service and your post. When I was a child and it started at an early age, I just closed in on myself. I just shut down because the trauma and the chaos and all the craziness was just too much overload for me so I just shut down and I stay that way for decades until I got into the program and slowly began to open up and feel my feelings and allow them to come out of my body go by little so I could Release them
Wow that's powerful. Thanks Yanksfan for your service and the share. "Sheepish relief of hiding ". Yes I can identify with that in some circumstances. It leads to anxiety for me. Anxiety is best faced head on... At the source. Take the action and let go of the results. I can still have a hyper sensitivity to mistakes and sometimes when I risk any thing and it doesn't lead where I wanted it to, I take it personally, blame myself then go onto hiding. I prefer that wording "giving power to the unhealthy part of me". I'm happy to say that part of me is much smaller than it used to be.
I wonder if any one can rekate to realising that our programme tools apply to ourselves in our new lives but in different ways. IE I no longer hide from drunks or debt collectors or phonecalls but if at any time there is something which represents a threat arising from my "failure to forecast and control the universe" (LOL) that old response pattern arises as an option. Wow. Thanks. It's great having these dailies to reflect and put things into perspective. It sometimes feels so much bigger than it is.
I so enjoy the Dailies! Today, this stood out to me:
"...not saying what is really meant to be said in order to avoid being criticized."
I am working on myself in regards to this and this site. I find that my thoughts can be in the minority here... that fosters me feeling "less than," or "not a good Al-Anoner." Believe me, I KNOW this is my issue to hash out with myself. But I find I censure myself for fear that I could be "ganged up" on for having a dissenting opinion. I still check in here daily, as I find comfort in the Daily post. I appreciate that they are available.
I may be mostly silent (working on me), but I still find value here, and appreciate the fact that ESH can be found.
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Thank you Mary for your service/ESH and all the above shares. I was moved by ..."I need to work on facing rather than turn away from situations that make me uncomfortable"...For instance, the other day someone took a picture of me without asking and when I objected, they said I was weird and even teased if I was wanted by the FBI. I politely asked them to respect my boundaries . In the past I would have gone along with it, resented them and eventually ceased contact with them. Photos with/for loved ones, license, passport etc are my comfort zone. FULL STOP . PNP, I fully relate to your share...every time I think I have figured it out, I discover there's more to learn or my truth changes which at times makes me afraid to post or regret what I have posted. When I am in a good spiritual place, I don't worry about it. Glad you are part of my journey. Grateful for MIP.
Happy Sunday MIP. Thank you Mary for your service and the daily. Thank you all for your shares and ESH. I have always been all/nothing with absolutely no balance or pause. It served me well until it did not. I could advocate for me all day long until I tried the silent/retreat process instead. Again, various efforts by me to have peace/serenity worked inconsistently until they did not.
What Al-Anon has helped me with is working to be authentic. Knowing me better and trusting in the recovery process and a higher power has given me the courage to try different ways to have/keep my joy and peace, one day at a time. I can't even know what's in another's mind/heart or how the disease will present in another and efforts to project and assume waste my brain time/space. Yet, I can know what's in my own mind/heart when I practice pausing to pray before I proceed.
Today, I have no problem in just saying what I mean, meaning what I say and not saying it mean. I don't have to JADE my way out of situations nor do I have to stay planted in the middle of chaos/drama. I just got off the phone with one I sponsor and we just discussed that there should not ever be shame in choosing our own sanity/serenity over another's chaos/drama, especially if/when it's self inflicted. This doesn't mean we don't care, rather it means we care enough to step away as part of the solution.
I golfed this morning early with some rain falling. It was peaceful, relaxing and a bit unexpected. I did not have my rain gear or even a jacket and I survived. As one who plans often/always, it felt very freeing to experience a pop-up rain shower and just 'be'. Make it a great day all - find and keep your joy!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
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