The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Complacency is the enemy of personal growth. Being sure we are right blocks out understanding and kindness and leads us to judging others.
TODAY'S REMINDER: Let me begin by being a little critical of my iron resolution to have things my own way.
----------
Not sure I have any wisdom here, only a reflection on thinking I am right.
I understand that I should not judge others according to my own way of thinking. I understand that I should let others have what they will...but my problem comes when I cannot give myself understanding and the freedom to be right for my side of the street.
When I think about complacency, I feel like I am engaged in a battle with myself...being okay with what others think is best for me (making that what I think).
I guess, Step 3, step 3, step 3...turn my thinking over to my Higher Power.
How do you know what is right thinking for yourself? Hoping others on the board have ESH to share...
Thanks for the service and the share Brave.
Wow, I keep getting reminders everywhere about judgement
This is very timely for me because it's definitely a character defect I'm ready to do the work to release.
The link between judgement and an an iron will to have my own way is some thing I understand and I'm so grateful that both of these things are raised for group reflection and discussion this evening.
I've shared elsewhere on the board about cutting off anyone who doesn't serve my vision for myself and my life. And how that has become my go to response for many years. To be clear I still beleive that the company one keeps is very important. There are times when it is healthy to move away from certain circles and into new ones. However it is my experience and common sense that there is no such thing as perfection in any thing let alone people including myself. So that is not an appropriate response to every relationship problem, to cut every one out who is essentially human.
Judgement for me sometimes takes the place of discernment. It is ok to discern and detach from aspects of relationships that do not align with what matters to me. But what I find myself doing is judging where the fault lies in a situation and in a person and then I impose my will on it to make it conform to the outcome I see as beneficial. Again, I will say that many times there is nothing technically wrong with my assessments. I do read people and situations very well and this benefits me professionally and personally to great effect. However, it doesn't matter if i am right if it's not mine to make a decision over. I am not the God of anybody else.
Lately i have developed and cultivated with my own spiritual complacency a mentality that judges certain people very harshly. Incompetent, stupid, pathetic, narcissistic, embarrassing and stupid again. These are the deep judgement I have been holding inside me about people who I have deep attachment to. I can tell you in all honesty that the ugliness of those judgements has been weighing heavily inside me.
I have gotten complacent with my recovery consciousness and thst I have the power to change.
Good Day All. Thank you Bbrave for your service/ESH and shares above. Complacency for me means I'm not moving outside my comfort zone; not risking to be vulnerable by sharing my truth. Also when I start avoiding my sponsor , it's a sign that I'm slinking back into believing my way is the best way. I get out of my lane and start judging how others are living their lives-from spouse to entire countries! Complacency and judgements set me up for being blindsided by my character defects and my greatest enemy within-fear. Have a wonderful day.
Thanks Bbrave for your service and the above ESH. Right thinking for myself is a process for which I have made progress, but there will never be a period to the end of that sentence. Another words, because new situations enter my life on a regular basis, I can never know the right thinking for all that is to come. I can learn from past mistakes and try not to repeat them, but I cannot be prepared for the future. And right thinking has developed after years of therapy, program, and being able to take a good honest look at my behavior.
When I think of complacency, what comes to mind is denial for me. In the past I did not want to "see" a lot of things that weren't working well. It was easier to stick my head in the sand and pretend. I guess it doesn't matter what label Ithis give quality in myself, but it is only by taking that fearless and moral inventory, that I can move forward with honesty.
Thank you Bbrave for your service and the daily. Thanks to all for your shares & ESH. I am not entirely sure where it all began but I was raised in a family of origin (FOO) where judgement was more common that dialogue. We were conditioned to compete, compare and judge - people, results, etc. With my crazy brain, this made 'all things' a contest - even if it was just against myself.
Complacency in recovery is not an option for me, a double winner. I can't count those that I've known during my time in recovery who were sucked back towards the disease either through complacency, choice, denial or disease. Only God knows their reason why and it's not my concern. What I can observe with my own eyes and experience is that IF I set aside my recovery for one day or any length of time, I am putting my sobriety, sanity and serenity in jeopardy.
I have been working on 'balance' for my entire life and see improvements. It's not my intent any longer to be 'right' or to 'win' -- just find pure joy in the process and journey and get more hope with progress. I'm truly grateful for this program and the willingness to be a better version of me than before recovery.
Happy Thursday all - had golf bright/early and it's raining now. I'm off to donate blood - our reserve in our city is dangerously low. Make it a great day!!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Brave, thank you for your share and your service. To me complacency means the opposite of the slogan keep an open mind. If I am complacent, then I am thinking oh I am just right right now and I dont need to get better to strive to be better to improve on anything, its almost like I dont have any use for the steps anymore and that couldnt be further from the truth for me so I am, thank you universe, not complacent in that I want to have an open mind and to not be judgemental Of others because I think I am doing so good in the program. Complacency to me means just closing my mind to new ideas and new approaches and its not good for discipline and I need discipline on a daily basis to work on me to work on my loving myself and accepting myself and also to be honest and open and real and willing to keep working on the traits that no longer serve me
What a great post. Complacency is definitely where i.can be
I have to challenge myself to do better be better. However if I am with an alcoholic that is not possible
Even the most functional.alcoholics I know do not take care of themselves. Therefore since I am programmed to take care of everyone I step in. That leaves me in a imbalance
Right thinking is what resonates. If i am.in right thinking mode I am looking forward
I.do not actually think there is anything wrong with looking back. Grief is valid. I have good reason to be aware of the time I was enmeshed with the alcoholic
I can learn a lot by looking back
These days I tend to focus on my adult life
I also work hard really really hard on being enough where I.an
Being enough having enough, being satisfied with where I am