The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Todays reading is a look at the irony involved with feeling pain in association with the acceptance and care in recovery. The writer describes a phase of recovery in which she felt love, approval and respect immediately followed by sadness. Her sponsor suggested that experiencing good feelings as an adult that were sought after as a child might stir up a type of pain. The sponsor went on to say that receiving those good feelings might dredge up the not receiving as a child. Over time the writer realized that her parents were not able to give what they did not have, and she felt compassion. The slogan Easy Does It was a help when feelings became overwhelming. The quotation from From Survival to Recovery (p.95) reminds us: Easy Does It and First Things First help us to keep moving, but remind us we need only take small steps.
I havent noticed specifically that receiving approval, respect and love come with tinges of sadness. I was fortunate to have grown up feeling loved unconditionally and supported. I also had the foundation of a family grappling with alcoholism, so feeling overwhelmed was a part of this reading which resonated with me. The slogans that were mentioned are a comfort and help to calm me when I am feeling overwhelmed, as do my beloved lists! When I notice that my mind is racing and I am chasing thoughts around, it is immediately calming if I start to list the things I will do that day- the more mundane the better. Laundry is on the same list as making lesson plans; writing and practicing piano listed next to getting groceries.
The thought for the day gives us: if recovery feels too painful, maybe I need to slow down and practice Easy Does It.
Good Morning Mary. This is borderline spooky! LOL. Yesterday, I was drained when I should have been doing backflips over a miracle from my HP. The good news left me feeling sad/tearful when I should have been elated. Anyways, I was in bed by 9, slept well, woke up to more bad news (family members receiving knocks to their health-it's like dominoes falling). Something a member shared last week came to mind...get busy to get better...so I'm in the middle of doing laundry...paused to check in..and couldn't wait to respond...Thanks. I don't feel so weird...will easy do it and follow up on other threads later. Have a peaceful day
Well! Mary what a great post and thank you for your share. I have experienced this many times where joy would come into my life or love would come into my life like lately it has but then all of a sudden Ill get a tinge of sadness and grief not overwhelming but upon investigating it because I use the rain method and recognize, allow and accept, investigate, and then nurture and nourish myself and I know it is because this is the way my life should always have been but I was so deprived and so denied and so abused that it wasnt so, growing up. But I be with my feelings I allow them I allow them to pass through May and I do not suppress or repressed them in anyway complete acceptance and allowance and then Im able to release them so little by little as I do this, it will go away because its like pouring clean water in a dirty bucket over and over as it overflows and the dirt washes out of the bucket eventually you end up with clean water
Happy Sunday MIP. I have spent a lifetime worrying and being anxious before recovery. A huge part of 'all that' was I tended to get stuck in the many things that went wrong in my life and didn't know how to get better or beyond that. It's in recovery that I've learned that bad things happen to good people and my life experiences are no greater or lesser than another. I am one who truly needed these slogans embroidered on my heart because I had no idea how to 'Easy Does It'. First Things First, to me, before recovery was about everyone and everything else but me.
Today, I truly try to keep all things as simple as possible. I no longer overload my days with more than any one human could do. I go out of my way to schedule fun/me time first and abundantly. I worked my tail off, saved greatly and was able to retire early. Yet, I immediately poured myself into service work and volunteering with no breaks. It's just within the last 5-7 years that I have embraced what retirement means....enjoy the life you have in this moment, one day at a time.
I have great moments of gratitude and joy and I have moments of sadness. I don't believe they are related yet can't say for sure. My sponsor suggests I try to just feel what I feel, not obsess over it, write about it, talk about it, pray about it and keep focusing on healing me - intent on growing my spiritual relationships. I know that I can still be my own worst critic so this is an area where I readily and often apply Easy Does It.
Life is too short for me to sit and spin about past events, what others think of me, etc. I finally am comfortable in my own skin and try to surround myself with others who build me up vs. tear me down. Some of my family falls in either category - I love some from across the street for my own sanity/serenity.
I golfed twice today - 36 holes. We are having some incredibly unusual weather - it should be the dead of summer and we're in the 60's/70's. We were to have rain all weekend and got to golf both days instead. Truly exhausted yet grateful to have spent tons of time golfing with my nephew and his best friend. They know there is distance between my sons and I so 'fill in'....we truly enjoy our time together and they both call me their 'golf mom'. Life is what I make it, one day at a time. Changed attitudes for me and within me have truly aided my recovery...
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you Mary I very much appreciate the topic. Grief is certainly something In have had to deal with. Thankfully since I took a number of classes on grief with David Kesslor I do not get lost in it . One of the techniques that David suggests is to bring the good parts into grief . There were numerous people who helped me when I was a child. They were quietly extremely generous with their time and energy. Those small gifts cumulatively sustained me . They were the lifeline
One of the reasons I miss my friend who committed suicide is because he was incredibly generous with his time and energy. He was always available to so many people. The ss thing is when he was suicidal he did not reach out to the right people. I was at a farmers market this weekend. My friend was a tomato enthusiast. He grew a lot of organic vegetables. His favorite being the cherry tomato. When I stayed with him I was charged with taking care of the tomato when he left town I was so nervous. On the weekend I had a delicious sandwich with heirloom tomatoes in honor of my friend. I relished every bite of the sandwich in his memory. My taste buds were singing. In spite of being very very tired (I am an essential worker who had wished through the whole pandemic). I have to work. I am e tired self sufficient I sent love to my dear dear friend
Maresie
-- Edited by Maresie888 on Tuesday 13th of July 2021 04:31:40 AM
-- Edited by Maresie888 on Tuesday 13th of July 2021 04:33:53 AM
