For me being self supporting has been a long haul 

Getting to a point where whatever barrier I have come up.I have to deal with. That is of course some barriers feel insurmountable. Nevertheless I am certainly responsible for whatever I am dealing with 

Therefore now more than ever there is a need to learn how to live within life's terms 

Moreover it is essential risk to go to places where I can be nurtured and regroup 

It is up to me to find those 

I am grateful for all the resources I have 

I am also grateful for those I can look to in order to learn diplomacy tact and courage 

When my dear friend died of suicide I had a disagreement with my therapist. He stipulated in order to come to terms with his untimely death that I had to go and discover the sordid details of the last 24 hours of his life. The manner of my friends death was particularly violent 

That was that when my friend exhibited suicidal tendencies none around him responded. I am not sure I know why that was.  At this time Inam capable of not knowing 

I disagreed and chose not to go interrogate anyone 

Certainly grieving my friend had very difficult. Nevertheless tact diplomacy and discretion served me well.

What of course served me even better was to go to various grief groups to listen to others who had been out in the same position. 

My friends death was deeply shocking because he put on a great show of his self sufficiency.  He certainly hid his pain very clearly and with precision 

As someone who is an essentisl worker I have to work around other essential workers.  I have to hold up my ebd of th he bargain 

First I have to show up, second I have to be willing and third Inhsve to of course deal my entire shift with those who are not showing the best side if them selves .

Therefore as an  adult it is really critical for me to behaving like an adult. That is not not claiming to runn the whole show. That is being diplomatic when people are not showing their best selves. 

Being diplomatic and responsible is so key to my recovery. Inam no longer boundaryless with all my problems with on my sleeve. In fact one of my co workers commented that I always looked so relaxed. He wondered how I did it since we have a very stressful job 

8 am certainly far from relaxed.  I am anything but relaxed but it is indeed a very clear progress that someone around me believes I am relaxed. 

Certainly for me to be willing to take life on life's terms is so crit7cal 

Moreover to be willing to accept and manage the challenges I currently have is certainly a huge paradigm shift.  One I certainly thought I would entertain 

I am truly grateful to able to behave like a responsible adult rather than a petulant child having a temper tantrum. That is not  those who are two years old not adults. 

I most certainly have many many challenges ahead of me. 

I do not believe the riad ahead is easy by any means 

However I am now absolutely committed to being self sufficient.  

Maresie