The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading in Courage to Change is about changing self-destructive behaviors. The author had a habit of procrastination, but when they used Al-Anon principles to focus on their own thoughts and feelings, they realized that putting things off made them anxious. They saw the benefits of changing that habit, and although it did not happen overnight, they became willing to let go of the old habit of procrastination. As a result, life became more enjoyable and manageable.
Today's reminder: If I am getting in the way of my own best interests, a closer look at my behavior can lead to positive changes. By focusing on myself, I move toward freedom and serenity today.
Quote from a Liberian proverb: "Do not look where you fell, but where you slipped."
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I like today's reminder about "getting in the way of my own best interests." I think it is a gentle way of referring to my shortcomings. Knowing what is in my own best interests can be clouded by expectations, people-pleasing, lack of knowledge, etc. But the more I learn from my own experience -- and from listening to others' experience and listening to my feelings and needs -- the more I can see what I need to change.
I don't procrastinate much, but I do sometimes act as if I have to do things RIGHT NOW or VERY SOON, even if they are not urgent. I can get myself overwhelmed from that belief. Lately I have found I can use slogans like "How Important Is It?" and "Keep It Simple" and even "Let Go and Let (Someone Else) Do It" to keep from making things more difficult for myself.
MIP friends, how do you keep the focus on your own best interests?
In certain work settings there is a list called a near miss. Thst is what now aim for. Near missed rather than collisions.
I also try not to indulge in all or nothing thinking #i am as such as the alcoholic#.
I had some things in common with then. I was not assessing myself on a scale
My functioning is variable. So was the alcoholic most of the time. He rebounded with finesse much of the time. So he doubt appears totally lost. He had a great deal of control especially over impressions
I am working on creating a feedback loop about challenging situations
Assessment is certainly relevant. For me referring to myself as #sick# is not helpful. However today I can seek out support that is/ helpful rather than withholding or judging or even lashing out.
I am not too big on lashing out anymore. That is too primitive
All or nothing thinking is very common when Inam overwheled. So the issue is not to reach the point of overwhelm
Creating feedback loops is something I am workimg on in that regard. I am excited about that option
Good Morning Freetime. Thank you for your service/ESH and shares above. I keep focus on myself by trying to follow the Al-Anon script and accepting correction when I deviate. By applying tools-pray, read literature, check in with MIP, text sponsor-great energy is supplied to accomplish tasks I have been putting off. My distorted perception of self/others has eroded skills/knowledge that exists within me. I obssess less (consumed way too much time). I exude an energy that draws out positive energy in others. I am less controlling and share responsibilities (like around the house). Key word is share not delegate LOL. I trust the experience of seasoned Al-Anon members to guide me to live a joyful life no matter what is going on around me. Thank you for the continued support...I am grateful for HP placing MIP in my path...it kick-started my growth; to seek recovery and to reinvigorate my quest for knowledge and live in the present. Have a great day.
Thank you FT for your service and for above ESH. I am not a stranger to self-destructive behavior and I think my worst one was beating beating myself up verbally and emotionally. It was ingrained in my psyche from such an early age, that's all I knew. Then the addicts in my life continued the sabotage of my self-esteem. It's taken a lot of work with therapists and program to make this change to seeing my assets and positive elements, but as a work in progress, I'm making great progress. I've learned to care about myself, and give myself respect. And yes I still have flaws and work on those as well. Love this program....
I am smiling because I am the OPPOSITE..I have always been a human doing, rather than being...a task?? Gotta do it NOW...ALL of it or I feel inadequate in some way
renovating my house was a real test, but I managed to do it in Pieces...bits here..bits there, but I was able to STOP when I had done enough for one day...Huge progress for me, but I had to MAKE me stop, self talk, telling me, "you did good, did a lot, now its time to REST and continue tomorrow" and i even would take a day off and do nothing...Never could do that before...If I was not performing, I felt bad about me
yesterday I rested a lot, napped on and off till 1:30, then decided to get the car inspected and oil change for registration...had all month to do it, but Jul 1st was the day...Get er done NOW!! so I do it and the guy tells me that "hey you can take your reg and this invoice, proof of inspection and get it registered at Kroger grocery, well, I have till end of Aug., but what do I do??? I runto the store and I do it NOW, In the first week of JULY
I am a work in progress...Better, but still can't let stuff wait a whole lot...
For me, the anxiety it causes to do stuff last minute triggers my anxiety..What if a filter needs changing?? (changed them myself last month) but "what if something bollixes my inspection???" do it now so I have time to repair (car past with flying colors as its only 58k miles on it and I keep it up to date on everythng) but putting stuff off gives me anxiety...get it done...over with...off my hair for a year....
Funny, I had this client who procrastinated on his books...last minute charlie, he was...it triggered me so bad, as HIS carelessness and being late was MY crisis.....not anymore...I resigned as his accountant..Told him that I cannot deal with folks doing stuff last minute and its a race to the deadline and I don't like to be in a rush...I like to go easy does it, slow and take my time and do it RIGHT , so I quit him!!! he would put critical stuff off till the 11th hour and I just was not willing to endure the stress put on me to "save the day" for him....
Good Morning mamalioness. I got a great chuckle reading your post. I was a lot like you until a few years ago. I was a workaholic too. Then I redirected my energy to fixing my A and my work ethic (personal/business) were shot to hell. It's like I underwent a personality change. As I work my step 4, the old self bursts through and I'm seeking balance...it's been quite the eye opener. Thanks for the laughter. Have a great day.
Just wanted to drop in and say that I have enjoyed everyone's shares about this topic!
I especially remember Rose, when you "quit" that client. The strength you showed... b/c you really had to stand up for yourself... your self-care, self-preservation. With your words, I could tell that it was difficult (paying client and all), but you did it! You recognized your worth and what was healthy for you! I applauded you!!
One of my favorite sayings (don't know who said it first): Procrastination on YOUR part, does not make it an emergency on MY part!
I hope everyone here enjoys their holiday!
PNP
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Thank you PNP, I hope youre enjoying your weekend and Daffodils I am glad I gave you a laugh. Yeah life has been a interesting experience but you know I just have to trust in the universe and my higher power that all is going to work out OK.
I , Too, enjoyed everybodys shares and I hope everybody has a very happy Fourth of July and a very safe one. Im not sure what Im going to do. I think Im going to just go to the gym and play in the pool. You all have a great weekend
I am also aware that positive changes involve taking onnnew challenges. Challenging myself to find ways around obstacles.
Challenging myself to correct numerous health issues
This year I have made major improvements
Challenge comes with frustration, set backs and often exhaustion
Yet I know when I am challenged I am making sure I commit to my responsibilities. The primary one being that I take care of myself. That is while I certainly seek assistance when. I need it. However the primary person solely responsible for my well being is myself
That being life on life's terms. I do not get to run the whole show
Thanks Freetime... 
