The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Though we may be reluctant to acknowledge it, self-deception impacts how both alcoholic and Alanon members relate their experience to others. Both unconsciously hold back details that are unflattering to self, and magnify the fault of the other.
Seeing the facts objectively requires a change of perspective and attitude on both parts.
Reminder: I will avoid judging others' private conflicts as self-deception renders the details I hear unreliable. I will avoid advising others to take steps that they may not be prepared are able to take.
"Let Go and Let God' is a good rule to follow when we are asked to give advice in a troubled domestic situation" - unattributed ----------------------- I failed to see my role in my own insanity until I accepted the guidance and wisdom of AlAnon that encouraged me first to recognize, then accept that I had many of the same character defects as my qualifier.
My own bias will never disappear completely, but with continual reminders and work in the program I know to look for it and be willing to apologize when I catch myself using it against others or paint a false picture of myself.
With such a struggle within myself, Alanon wisely suggests I not advise others in personal matters. I don't have the wisdom and knowledge to account for misrepresentation, intended or not.
Grateful for a higher power that takes care of the things I cannot
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
The major issue I share with the alcoholic is an inability to control my emotions
Now I tshe full responsibility for my life I have to strategixs how to deal with them
July 4th is going to be particularly difficult.
There is going to be a return to mass gatherings so all the roads are going to be blocked by traffic
I will go to work early
My co workers are extremely unlikely at adopt a similar strategy ..
My.supervisor's way to deal.witn such chaos is divide and conquer. That strategy has not been working too well for her of late she has been off work a lot. Nevertheless I have to deal with life on life"s terms
One of the core issues of someone with complex PTSD is to catastrophixe. I can of course choose to do that. I most certainly have had my share of catastrophe. One of the most painful aspects of recovery had been looking at what my own role in certain catastrophes was. That was and still is extremely painful
So.I could complain that being an essential worker on July 4th is a real pain. Being paid extra does not adequately compensate for it
However as a person in recovery I am going to work to strstrhuxe how I can make it less chaotic. That requires significant work on my part. I do not feel I have to option to be passive about my recovery any longer
Managing my triggers is really necessary because I am no longer entertain being in a place where I can be overwhelmed
Maresie
-- Edited by Maresie888 on Tuesday 29th of June 2021 09:08:46 AM
Thanks Paul for your service and ESH. Looking back, I can see clearly the denial I was in about needing help myself. And I can also see what my son sawa broken person in great need. I was already working with Betty on the board when I arrived at my first F2F meeting. Scared to death, I leaned on my son who encouraged me to go in. Alcoholism was a subtle, sneak attack which overcame me without my ability to see it. So yes I have learned that I needed recovery, and that I should refrain from judging and trying to guide others. Its a big enough job just focusing on me, and I dont think I can reach a point of not needing alanon. The damage was started in childhood and continued into adulthood, even a second marriage. Grateful member.
Good reading Paul, and shares, y'all...