The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The reading for Monday, 6/28, is about the writer feeling that their loved ones drinking was a terrible reflection on them. They worried what other people thought, and they got bounced up and down as their loved one made attempts at sobriety. What the author learned is that their well-being cannot depend upon whether the alcoholic drinks or not, and that alcoholism can be arrested but not cured. They realized that their life is too important to waste waiting for someone elses choices, even when its someone they dearly love.
Reminder: No matter whether the alcoholic in my life is drunk or sober, the time to put energy into my own recovery is right now.
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This reading reminded me of the shame and embarrassment I felt due to my As drinking. For some time I pulled away from most of my friends, and I did not share about what was going on except for with 1 or 2 people. I felt devastated by the drinking and driving, lest my A harmed or killed somebody, and I wondered what people close to me would think of me. In the early days of program I was still committed to the idea that I could fix this situation, so what would people think about me, that I had failed.
Of course my attention to alanon has helped me separate myself from my AI am a completely different and separate person, who cannot control anyone else. On a good day, I have some success controlling myself! What a relief.
Good evening. It's still Sunday here but since tomorrow will be a busy day I decided to go ahead and share.
I won't lie,there's still times I am ashamed/embarrassed of AH's actions. I am getting much better at reminding myself that we are separate people,what he does is not a reflection on me though.
It's hardest when he's drinking/using at what I feel are the most inappropriate times. But I am working on that too, I am trying so hard to just let him be and not try to control things.
It's a holiday week beginning tomorrow where I live. The streets will be closed and there will be so many different activities and festivities going on. I plan to participate this year,especially after being home so much since the beginning of last year due to covid.
This will be a good week to put into practice everything I have been learning here. And this reading is perfect timing.
Indeed one of my grief points recently is having to admit that the alcoholic(s), by and large caused me immense harm. I wanted people who would make my life easier. By and large across the board they made my life immeasurably harder. I was already struggling to cope . With an alcoholic in tow my life was completely out of control No one was more out of control than the qualifier. I was with him for 8 years. 8 years of misery sorrow and immense anger The qualifier was extraordinarily adept at blaming others. He had me pegged for all his problems. I had no ability to take a step back and reflect on that until akin anon. Even with alanon his life force destructive force was insurmountable It is with a very heavy heart I am having to deal with that some people do indeed make one's life more difficult on purpose. My current supervisor being one of them
The issue is I already have much to deal with Major health problems Debt A broken toe that is very painful A very badly bruised leg That is I have a bruise 8 inches long on my right leg Dental issues I need an extraction Dental costs. It is extraordinarily expensive to deal with them Major major health problems I have a whole host of my own problems. I do not need yo ge around people who go put of their way to.mshenmu.kife more difficult I have always had those people in my life The qualifier was at the all time zenith as were my family of origin My family of origin are immensely dysfunctional and destructive Never in million years are they a resource
The good thing for me is that I am now at a point where I c. DeaL with people like this . The bad news is that it us still constant issue. The good news is that I now feel I have worth. I have rights and I have goals One of them is not to be sidetracked by those who seek to sabatage everything. Maresie
-- Edited by Maresie888 on Sunday 27th of June 2021 08:51:27 PM
It has taken me a long time to internalize that I am not a reflection of my spouse - now Ex. This is in large part due to the generation I was born into and developed my ideas of marriage from.
"Behind every good man, is an even better woman."
"Oh, you should put a leash on that man, honey."
You get the drift.
The Three C's were very important for me: "We are not the Cause, we cannot Control, and we cannot Cure."
I hope everyone enjoys their week! &
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
I.have to tread very lightly here with what is my responsibility. I work in a department that is increasingly chaotic. There is little to no.team ethic. The supervisors are always out. My immediate supervisor is always off work
Therefore the other people in the department get put under more pressure. Very.frw people respond to pressure in a mature fashion.
Another supervisor supposedly the supervisor over at least 70 people is equally divisive. That supervisor is also always off work. In fact she has recently been off for approximately a month Those absences cause immense problems.
I thought when I took .on a different role that her attitude towards ne would shift. Over the weekend I learned otherwise
Naturally the Dieector of this Department is aware of all of these issues.
I took.another role because it was offered to me. Now I am seeing this role is far from ideal. In fact it is more responsibility for the same pay.
This is not my first rodeo in working in a dysfunctional workplace. Covid 19 has brought out all the cracks in functioning workplaces and chaos has ensued
Some people's behavior through Covid has been absolutely terrible. Downright rude and obnoxious
I tend to steer clear of rude and obnoxious people. Now I have to go to grey bar with my supervisor. Greybar technique has helped me tremendously in many areas of my life
Being an essential worker through the pandemic has been very very difficult. However I know what an inmotifaec disaster ot was for me in the past to rely on long term unemployment. Literally overnight I was left with no income
July 4th is going to be more than a chore for me. Working on that day is going to be beyond tedious. Nevertheless since I am responsible for my life I have to work through what is ahead if me
One of my core issues still is dealing with dysfunctional people. These days I addess these issues head on. I addrss them aware of my limitations. I address them with limits
As long as I do not owe any amends to anyone for my mistakes and wrongdoings out of just being human, I dont care anymore what people think. I do step 10 daily to make sure that I did not harm anyone and that I did not do anything to harm myself either. If I do make a mistake and it harms another, that is what steps number eight and nine and 10 are about
I didnt breathe unless I was approved of by other people and I wrapped my life around what others thought of me and thank God that is over with and I do not do that anymore. I do my best to do what is right and fair and just in moral and yes I slip up and when I do I accept it and take responsibility and make amends and then, for me, it is over. I am not a slave to what others think anymore and I am very grateful to program for releasing me of that
& 
Reading the readings this way, Lyne, is powerful- and commenting is divine, sometimes;
I feel for the spuses and partners