The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading focuses on Step Six, "Humbly asked him to remove our shortcomings." The writer calls these defects "roadblocks" that prevent us from freely traveling the roads of life, from growing as a person, and from having our dreams come true. When higher power helps us to see our defects as a waste of our time, then it becomes possible to ask for help on what to put in place of those unhelpful traits and behaviors.
Today's reminder: I am not perfect. The character defects I have carried around for so many years will not vanish instantly. But with faith and hope I can work my way through them one at a time, one day at a time.
Quote from C. R. Findley: "God seldom delivers . . . virtues all wrapped in a package and ready for use. Rather he puts us in situations where by his help we can develop those virtues."
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When I first heard about removing my shortcomings -- before I had actually worked the steps -- I had to try very hard to convince myself that this would be a good idea. I had to create a visual picture of removing the defects by placing them in another room -- like a storage space -- with the idea that they could come back in the future. And I think this is true -- my defects, such as de-valuing myself, the inability to say no -- could come back, either on purpose or without my intending it .
But this reading points out that when a defect gets removed, I can replace it with something better -- a healthy self-respect, the ability to say no -- and then I will be less likely to go into that storage space and bring back the defects.
I've mentioned before that my sponsor refers to defects as "coping mechanisms." I like that, but I also like to call them "opportunities for improvement."
MIP friends, what are your thoughts about removing shortcomings?
Thanks Freetime. I find defects, shortcomings are tricky. I feel like Ive gotten rid of them and feel good about what theyre replaced with, but am also painfully aware, theyre lying in wait, ready to sneak back in. When I meet with certain people, those understood reciprocal relationships always invite the old defects to rear their head. I have to catch myself and reassert the new freedom I have acquired, worked for, earned. Maybe it wont always feel this way, I dont know. Letting myself feel small is the worst one. Ive been in relationships where I am not valued, but the real reason was, I was allowing it by not valuing myself. Feeling jealousy or threat when I should feel power and grace were not first nature to me. I am grateful for my relationship with HP that allows me to check in and be reminded of who I am and the love that is there for me and the love within myself when I slip into old patterns. Maybe each time I am touched by an old defect it is just a moment to reflect and feel blessed I no longer see myself trapped in those ways and appreciate the light I see.
Thank you FT for the great post and share. Do you wanna laugh? I just figured HP would remove my defects if I worked good on step four and told somebody in step five yeah I did just send that and think this and that I just thought they would automatically go away, my defects
But I learned a hard lessonthey only go away when I decide to cast the burden on to my HP and be willing to give them up and to speak the word about that. But Im serious I would work the steps and I would wonder why do I still have this defect? Its because I never work the steps where are you prepare and then ask for them to be removed. I Call it casting the burdens and then I just visualize the burden in a pink bubble just floating away from me out into the universe or I picture myself putting it in a trash bag a big black hefty trash bag and I Throw it into the trash.
Thanks for the reminder I have learned that every step house to be worked in its entire ready and they are numbered the way they are for a reason and it is not in my best interest to skip any of them
Thank you freetime for your topic. One of my core defects is people pleasing. Today I was offered overtime af work. Normally I would jump at the chance to earn extra money. After all I am currently negotiating a considerable debt
However in the past month I hurt my left foot pretty badly. Recovery has been intermittent I have to rest a lot. Inhave had to negotiate a lot of pain
Going to.wirk when you are in a lot of pain is a formidable task. Adding overtime to that equation is too much
I have my whole being in mind when Innegotiare issues. I can say no. No was not in my recovery before .
No eas not possible when I noticed certain people were abusive. No was not in my recovery when I encountered supervisors who had outrageous favoritism. No was not a possibility
Now No.is a very real possibility
No I will not go out of my way for people who are rude and obnoxious. No I will not be going out of my way to help them. They made their bed they can lie in it.
Thst is why wfen the former qualifier contacted me in the past year they did not get a reply
I no longer respond with kindness to people who are abusive. I let then deal with what they brought into the world.
If you are nasty, call people names and are cruel and abusive to people with no boundaries I do not have much time for you
Therefore putting myself first is a huge step for me.
I no longer have the save loyalty and desire to please others in the same compulsive manner
