I have made an independent share here, fairly regularly. 

I enjoy responding to the topics from Alanon's three readers. I really enjoy participating in the topics and discussions.

If y'all don't know me- my name is DavidG, and I am a proud member of Alanon.

In this group I have created different signatures at the bottom of my shares- from time to time.

I stand by the one I have there now. At one time my higher power was "the group". And sometime- "other group members".

This idea has shifted a little- but does not exclude the two notions used in the sentence above this one.

I used to live and dwell in the past. I was stuck there. I had to ~Let go and let God~.

And this was a struggle for me- to let go.

Getting into the C-PTSD arena helped me put my finger in the issues. Deep intractable issues, that I faced in my personal world.

This was touched on in our traditional closing words:- "We try to force solutions and get tired and irritable without knowing it."

How any times have I heard this line? Thousands.

But it sums up a lifestyle, and a world view, that was acquired through living at close quarters with an alcoholic and/or addict.

The reason why we are all here. 

And by banding together- and using the Alanon practise and principles we begin to fond solutions.

I let myself talk- and expand on my thoughts. This stretches my mind and imagination.

Emotion creeps, or seeps in. Unseen and unheeded at first.

Sometimes I describe Alanon as:- gals and pals, laughter and tears. And a good measure of all four!

One time I used Alanon Concept 4 as my signature.

"Participation is the key to harmony". 

I haven't decided that idea at all! I have made it my own, along with a raft of other Alanon principles.

I applied Concept 4 to my Step 11 meditation.

Initially the harmony I sought was in the people all around me. People I was mixing with.

I took the idea out into the world, as well. ...

...but I realised too that the concept also applied to me- as well.

To my own personal sense of unity and harmony.

I prayed for wholeness and a sense of oneness.

I do believe that I was beyond neurotic. The train had left that station when I was still a kid.

I had become psychotic. Chronically lost.

I know now that all of human-kind dwells in shades of this- in varying degrees.

None of us is perfect, or has a perfect life. .

But I had it bad- as bad as it gets. I still believe his of myself. I believed that my psychosis was like a broken leg- untreated. And that people would kick it, from time to time- because I was lazy, mostly. And because I was unable to get my act together.

I used to say that I was hitting myself over the head with a brick wall.

So as I share- and let it out, new awareness comes.

I realise that "the kicking of my broken leg" was something I was doing to myself, mostly. Maybe wholly?

Yesterday I had a relapse into binging on comfort food.

For 12 hours, basically. This is a record for me- for a short duration. 

It is getting towards mid-winter here... ...and I am terrified of the cold.

I have very good reason to have this fear.

And it does take time and patience to uplift the worse worries.

I believe that a lot of what goes on inside of us lies beyond the reach of talk therapy.

Shame and blame takes time and patience to loosen off. 

I need to feel that I am in a safe place to talk about it. Very much so.

 Thanks...