The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading suggests that Step Four -- "Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves -- is a way of doing what Socrates is said to have recommended: Know Thyself. We can get away from rationalizing or blaming others for our faults, overcome what blocks us from seeing the truth,and honestly look at ourselves as we really are.
Today's reminder: A total inventory of my good and bad qualities can be interesting and useful as a start on my work with Step Four. But when I am ready to dig in and correct my shortcomings, I will work on only one or two at a time and for as long as it takes to satisfy me that I have made real progress in erasing them.
Quote: "Perfection is a long way off, but improvement can be made to happen every day."
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I am in the process of working through the Fourth Step with my sponsor, using the book "Paths to Recovery." It will probably take a few months to get through all the questions -- and this time around, I am writing about ALL the questions in that book. I know my sponsor would disagree with using the word "bad" for any of my personal characteristics. She would call them "coping mechanisms."
I love the way this process works, because it makes me spend a long time and a lot of detail writing about my character assets before I even get into my character defects. As I can see it unfolding, concentrating on my assets gives me strength and a positive attitude so that, when I get into my defects, I will not feel ashamed. I will have a firm knowledge of my positive traits, and that will help me see my defects as "opportunities for improvement" rather than signs of hopelessness.
I am so grateful the moral inventory works this way -- baby steps.
MIP friends, what has been your experience in taking your inventory?
Good Morning Freetime. Thank you for your service /ESH. I am currently working on my inventory. Yesterday I spent a few hours on resentments with spouse. A few months ago I did a thorough one on my stepMom on resentments/fear. It transformed our relationship. When I listed what I did to her, I was shocked to discover the level of MY cruelty. Currently working on spouse (favourite hot topic)-sponsor said "if you're judging, you're cleaning the wrong house ". ...a nudge to get back to Step 4. Glad you noted taking time...at times I pressure myself like it's a school paper with a due date or procrastinate because it feels daunting... Also, good to note it doesn't have to be perfect or the only one. Lastly, I notice I ruminate less and think of myself as a survivor instead of victim. Doing the footwork...Thanks HP and MIP. Have a great day
Thanks FT for your service and all above ESH. I also used Paths to Recovery the second time I did the Steps with my sponsor. It was like a term paper! It was such an in depth look at myself without judging or blaming. No fear involved as compared to the first time I did the Steps. That was frightening to me, to look at me--all I thought I would find was flaws and that's not what the Steps are about. For me they are a realistic look on how I can improve myself and my relationships, while acknowledging my assets. All good!
Thank you FreeTime for your service and todays reading and to you and everyone above who shared their ESH.
This was some of my Step Four work and when I worked the step I was sensing and looking for HP's guidance as well:
I believe everyone needs are undoubtedly different, our lives are all different, so it makes sense that our needs would be different as well.
I always believed that everyone has the propensity to be caring and humane, maybe because we are all Gods children, but especially those
individuals who had to experience great trials and have come through them.
I like to think that I expect goodness from people first and do not place people in minority categories based on class, ethnicity, religion, politics,
disease and station in life. I believe that if I get stuck in a bad thought pattern or situation then I am not being honest with myself about the
situation, and if I am stuck it is usually because I am afraid, afraid to be alone, afraid to be wrong, afraid to be unacceptable, whatever the reason
and that is where the spiritual inventory comes into play for me. It has sent me down different paths, that have opened my eyes to some of these
fears that were simply unfounded and cleared my mind so that I can reap the benefits of just enjoying me and learning from my difficulties.
I have not mentioned AH, because I have moved on emotionally, which is the way it should be, if I were to test my progress in the program. What
I have learned is that unless I am free of guilt and shame I cannot grow. If I am not free of anger, resentment and fear I will not prosper in my
relations with myself or others.
It is alright to put yourself first but not at the expense of another's pain. My life, no matter what, is not more important than anyone else's but at the
same time I am not a doormat either.
Because of Step Four I was able to reconcile with my Mother and AH, and sent a few apologies via my HP to those people who passed on.
Thank you HP, Al-Anon and MIP!!
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"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart" ~ Unknown
Great share, Freetime! Thank you for your service.
My first round with Step 4 was done in record time b/c, there was nothing wrong with me, it was my meth-addicted spouse!
The second time, I took more time to try and be introspective. I did the Step on our WorkBoard and listened to Betty's thoughts about it. Pretty quickly afterwards, my sponsor had me work with Blueprint for Progress for another Step 4. This was so involved, that it took me quite awhile to write out all that was needed with that work book. I think it actually took me 6 months, as I had also gone back to school at that time to secure a better paying career. My sponsor knew what she was doing!
With this round of Step 4, I learned about my "negative" behaviors where actually many great qualities but on steroids! So today, I like that Freetime's sponsor calls them "coping mechanisms." I find that there is truth in that evaluation. This in-depth working of Step 4 also helped me to realize what I truly needed in life! Not necessarily what I wanted, or what others want for me (a big trigger for me), but what I NEEDED. I spent so many years pushing down what I needed, always bending to others' desires. Everyone else came first. This fearless inventory was the first step for me to put myself first - and not feel guilty!
Finally the end of a long, hard work week! Just 10 more hours, and I am mentally free! I am asking my HP to walk with me today... to help guide my work, to be kind to my co-workers, and to be grateful for my wonderful career! I hope you all have a great Friday! Thank you for your shares today!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
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