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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Sibs. i.e. sisters and brothers.
Post Info TOPIC: Sibs. i.e. sisters and brothers.
DavidG


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Sibs. i.e. sisters and brothers.
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blankstare I have to apply the serenity prayer. And grieve for relationships.

Our parents split up whenI was 26. Mum left home the day after our youngest brother left home.

She went through some tough times- but survived and thrived, in the end.

Our dad stayed on in the family home until he died. It was a small farm and orchard. I took over responsibility.

I kept the place going and paid for everything. Over this time I built a house on the property for my own family.

Our sister live nearby too- had her showers and did her washing as dad's house. One day she rounded up on me

and accused me of trying to kick dad out of his house. This was the exact opposite of what was happening! 

This seemed to be a part of the disease. Very much so. But sister had bought into this lie. 

When Our father died he cut me out of his will. We owned one third of the property- but being cut off meant

that we lost our house. The property was sold in the way that we only got a fraction of it's real value.

It was gut-wrenching. My sister's remarks were:- "What goes round comes round". Such is the savagery

and unfairness of the disease. hmm ...

 



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SunnyFrogs


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Sorry you had to experience that.

I know from experience that some people are just awful,disease or not.

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Girl58


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David, I'm sorry you're grieving for relationships...But so glad you are able to grieve. I find that so many folks aren't.

This seems a good place to be for people affected by alcoholism and other conditions with similar elements.

I am grieving my family relationships, too...When I look around these days, relations with my blood-family members seem to be shrinking, and sometimes for reasons I don't understand. I can't make sense of how a family can fall apart over decades, or that it was never what I thought it was in the first place. I've used up a lot of energy trying to "hold things together" and be the peacemaker, and I think I finally understand that this effort is futile. And I am asking my Higher Power for an alternative way to live, that will be fulfilling for me and kind to others. 

These troubles have brought me here, which I know is positive. Often, I think of Al Anon as a "Life Skills 101" class...A class that would help me even if I didn't have alcoholic relatives. If only I had known such skills existed when I was younger. But learning them will make my middle age richer and more satisfying. Thanks so much for your share today, and for your experience, strength and hope. 

 



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DavidG


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 aww Thanks Sunny, and Girl...

                                          I used to have an endless list of sorrows. blankstare 

I was a born victim of circumstances, something I believed I inherited. 

Two members of my family had gambling issues. One with pokies, and the other with a casino.

Thankfully I haven't had to detail the story of woe. I have managed to focus on the part I played in the whole toxic system.

And the gradually squeeze out the toxic material- which was poisoning me. Most of have heard about the saying:- taking

poison and expecting the other people to die.

In my mid-teens I was expected to go out into the world and take up a professional career. Too many people in my family

system were unaware of things they had said or done. I did not have the same access to anaesthetic in the form of booze or dope.

And I was left alone with all the memories. 

I found that sibs remembers the same times and events very differently.

Unless or until we swap notes and compare there can be no form of unity, or sense of family.

The disease- alcohol- seemed to purposefully divide and rule over us. hmm ...

Thank goodness there is a haven here... smile ... 



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Debb


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I too want to say to you David that I am so sorry that happened to you.

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Debbie
Maresie888


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When my mother died she left nothing to two of her children and everything to one
There is a saying #we die as we live#
My mother certainly lived her legacy
She most certainly lived in chaos her entire life
She played her children off against each other even when she had dementia
I had to let go of so much in grief. Grieving has helped me immensely. More than I can say

I am so glad we are here to share this journey
Maresie

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