Hope for Today June 13 - Al-Anon Family Group

yanksfan51 · ~*Service Worker*~

Hope for Today June 13

Debb · ~*Service Worker*~

Good morning Mary, thank you for your service, todays reading and ESH.

So true for me, that recognizing the power of my HP and letting go was the major steps for me in Al-Anon.

Seeing beyond the rhetoric and chaos and just letting go. Thank you HP, Al-Anon and MIP!

Wishing everyone a wonderful day today!!

SunnyFrogs · Senior Member

Good morning.

Today's reading made me think about a recent conversation with my therapist. I was talking about all the chaos and drama in my life and the changes I need to make. He told me that I've never had a stable life and when I asked how I get that he said "I don't know".

It was so disheartening for him to say that and needless to say I didn't schedule another session.

I paid quite a bit to be told that,with money I can't even really afford right now. I could have saved myself that money by working step 2.

Have a good day everyone.

Daffodils · Senior Member

Good Morning Mary/Debb. Thank you for your service and the instructive shares. My insanity returns when I force my solutions on self and others. When I invite my HP into my day, and use Al-Anon tools, I enjoy inner peace and stay hopeful. Sanity restored means I am no longer despondent and have good laughs every day. Thank you MIP members.

Daffodils · Senior Member

Thanks SF (smile)

Maresie888 · ~*Service Worker*~

While it was certainly true that my life got better when I joined al anon the qualified life for more chaotic

Certainly his addiction spiraled .

I certainly had my ups and downs in recovery

I have had to go into looking complex PTSD in a very intense mode. When I first learned about PTSD I was determined to survive it. Thay determination has never moved

I am grateful to have a therapist as well as a support system that I can count on. I had to rebuild that support system numerous times.

Right now while I am cordial towards certain a lb alcoholics and addicts. I choose actively not to have any in central roles in my life. Years ago someone in recovery told me that someone in addiction can not be that supportive.

I think the same goes for people across the board. Unless they have made a commitment to recovery really trying to get support from them is like getting blood from a stone m

I no longer go to the butchers to buy bread .

Maresie

SunnyFrogs · Senior Member

Thanks tiredtonite.

It was definitely disappointing,especially since he was my trauma therapist( specialist) and someone I have known/seen for quite a few years.

He also told me with everything going on he's amazed I'm not a heroin addict. I felt insulted he would say that to me. And he asked wouldn't I agree with that and I'm amazed, I told him no,I wouldn't agree.

It was so out of character for him to say the things he did. It really made me stop and think afterwards. I'm not sure whether it was just an off day or if he was hoping I would feel so defeated and in need of his help that I would go back to weekly sessions like I used to.

IDK,but what I do know is I need positive reinforcement not paying someone to make me feel hopeless. I feel instead of telling me he didn't know how I could acquire stability in my life he should have instead given me ideas and suggestions at the least.

But,maybe it's time to look for a different therapist. I am afraid I will always be seen as the severely abused,traumatized person by this one. I am not what has happened to me and I need help with the present not the past. Or maybe I should schedule another session just to tell him just that.

Sorry for derailing this thread,I just felt the need to say all that instead of holding it in.

Daffodils · Senior Member

Hi SunnyFrogs. First thought when I read your share "What an insensitive clod". I appreciate all shares around PTSD because often matters I avoid are brought to the surface or articulate my feelings. It has taken a decade on/off to finally find a good fit for dealing with my compound PTSD over an assault in my mid twenties . Please continue to advocate for yourself. I paused due to Covid-I prefer in person sessions but do check in periodically. Mine is a fit because I don't feel shamed, judged or expected to meet certain criteria. (also ran into skepticism due to no drug use in my past or flashbacks). It is important work as my personality has been distorted and I want the true me to shine. I trust Al-Anon tools. I am more confident seeking /accepting help and making changes... (HUGS) Like L'Oreal, you're worth it!

SunnyFrogs · Senior Member

Thanks guys.

tiredtonite,thanks. I feel so diappointed because honestly, he has been the best therapist I have ever had. He helped me so much while doing the trauma therapy and I have never had anything bad to say about him at all. He has been a father figure to me actually and I have always known I could turn to him and count on him anytime day or night. He has always been there for me,encouraging me, strengthening me,building my self esteem,etc. so I really don't know what to think about this last session.

I think the best thing is to talk to him about what I am thinking and feeling. I could have misunderstood him or misinterpreted what he was meaning/saying. Or maybe not,maybe I am right. Either way I guess I need to find out firsthand instead of assuming.

Daffodils,
I am sorry you have PTSD also. Mine was caused by my childhood, I won't go into details,years and years of every kind of abuse though that never stopped until I left home as a teenager. I was diagnosed with PTSD rather than cPTSD though because cPTSD isn't yet in the DSM.

I have never heard that you have to have drug use in your past. That seems odd,not every person that has PTSD has done drugs.

I always felt my therapist was a good fit. A perfect fit actually.

Maybe it's not him,maybe it's me. Maybe I just need and want something different at this time of my life? ..............

DavidG · ~*Service Worker*~

aww

smile Mary and Y'all...

...one time I drew up a genogram...and could see the number of people in my family and wider family who had alcohol issues.

And younger members had drug issues. That was not the sort of sanity I wanted to be restored to. blankstare

To lift the vision. To try and mitigate damage to future generations was a worthwhile goal. But with a focus on my own wants and needs to demonstrate this.

To use the serenity prayer to cover issues beyond my own control. I adopted the word "manage" rather than saying "control".

At present I am coming back more to higher power issues. At age 20 I studied mysticism- in a determined effort to get my life straight. What I found out was that virtually every religion in the world had a mystical tradition.

I don't tend to find this in the 12 Step movement- which is neutral. aww

But this was a really good base for me- to navigate emotional growth and change- when I was very very stuck!

Understanding C-PTSD was essential too. And the PTSD and battle scars which were rampant in my family structure. hmm

The things i cannot change. The past I cannot change.

To confront and uptake the anger- anger arising in the form of rage- ranging around the awful things people were forced to face up to. doh

"Came to believe." An easy phrase to overlook. Not essential to actually believe right at the beginning.

Belief and faith is essential- but important to focus this on ~what can be~...

Thanks again for the chance to share, folks!

So very grateful... smile ...

SunnyFrogs · Senior Member

Thanks tiredtonite.

I am gonna talk to him,I think that's what would be best. I think I'm gonna wait a bit longer though,to process the things he said. And how that will affect whether I continue with him or not.

I honestly seem to be helped more just by coming here,at least for now. And this is free.lol

mamalioness · ~*Service Worker*~

Thanks Mary for your service and for this post
I struggled so much with step two I lost sight of the easy does it part of the slogans where I was trying to force an outcome in that I thought I just had to have a higher power right now or I would fail the program. As a former agnostic that was a tough thing for me so I used the program as my higher power and that worked until I could Sort of sort things out with step two and now I have a higher power of my understanding and it works for me. When I stopped forcing things and just started asking questions and being open and honest and willing, thanks began to sort out

Daffodils · Senior Member

Hi again SunnyFrogs. Just to clarify, what I meant to say is I once had a psychiatrist comment they were surprised I didn't use because it was not uncommon for people who suffered my trauma to use drugs/alcohol to cope . There's what he said.... and I what I heard .... I felt offended and stopped seeing him... .Anyways, life happened and six years later, a friend (who's a psychotherapist) encouraged me to deal with it...I am grateful to learn how to stay the path from you and MIP members. I grieve for all.

SunnyFrogs · Senior Member

Thanks for clarifying Daffodils. Actually now that I read that I'm wondering if that's why my therapist said that. I mean,afterall, not only do I have PTSD from my childhood but I also deal with 2 heroin addicted children and a husband who was addicted to it and now has other drugs of choice.

It is true,it's not uncommon for trauma survivors to cope by using.

Maybe I over-reacted to what he said to me.

And maybe he really doesn't know how I can acquire a stable life. Or maybe he does and just didn't want to suggest I leave my AH. Or maybe he's just wanting me to reflect on everything myself. IDK but thank you

SunnyFrogs · Senior Member

Just a little update.

After much thought on the subject I do believe I will find a new therapist. I don't really need or want trauma therapy anymore. I have found a different one that specializes in family dysfunction and codependency.

I think it's time to try something new and different. It's time to step out of my comfort zone and take that leap of starting fresh with someone new.

Nothing changes if nothing changes. That slogan helped with my decision.

Now I just gotta get the courage to pick up the phone and schedule with this new one.

JerryF · ~*Service Worker*~

Froggy your Therapist Post is so very right on for me. I learned as a practicing therapist to always watch and never do what was done to you for any reason and that responses like you gave your therapist are necessary to keep the therapy real, honest and useful. Again

Thank You. (((Hugs))) yawn smile

Maresie888 · ~*Service Worker*~

Recovery is such a nuanced journey. When I was in full throttle dealing with memories I had to hold onto the belief that life would be immensely better when I got through coming to terms with my family of origin
What I found was that I then had to deal with a while other group of issues
Growing up in total trauma I was effectively abandoned by my family of origin. In many respects I was abandoned by the people around me as well. The teachers, the neighbors the professionals including the doctor
In many ways when I reached out for help as a child my situation got much worse
On so many levels when I was an adult the experience replicated itself. Getting adequate help was really difficult.
I have spent a fortune on my recovery. Going to meetings, going to conferences, books, courses, self help groups. The time I have invested is considerable

Therefore when I meet a therapist who does not seem to be able to acknowledge that investment it is daunting. However this time in my life I value myself. I had a therapist last year mahe disparaging remarks to me. I stopped seeing them. Wgen I stopped seeing them it was at a very inconvenient time over the holidays I let them know that m

I am glad to be in a place of valuing myself .
Boundaries and codependency is a very complicated picture. It is not straight forward by any means
I have to negotiate boundaries in a daily basis
I have to value myself along the way. That is no easy task .

The professionals I recruit to help.me in that respect are most certainly expected to behave in a professional manner. I currently have a therapist. They are a very very small part of the picture of my recovery. Nevertheless they are helpful

Maresie

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.