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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> 6/8/21 Courage to Change – Hanging on to Defects
Post Info TOPIC: 6/8/21 Courage to Change – Hanging on to Defects
Enigmatic


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6/8/21 Courage to Change – Hanging on to Defects
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Today's writer admits to a guilty pleasure of enjoying their Step 6 defects, in this case thoughts of Revenge and payback for wrongs, along with the satisfaction of pridefully thinking they were always right.

Also acknowledged, however, was that this practice kept them from treating self and others with true respect and love. Awareness leads to a choice: hang on to fleeting pleasure of defects and accompanying void in life and recovery, or let them go and experience healing and recovery.

Reminder: Are the small, brief pleasures from my defects of character worth the price? If not, I may be entirely ready to let some go today...

"I know that help is waiting only for my acceptance, waiting for me to say 'Not my will but Thine be done.'" - Dilemma of the Alcoholic Marriage 
--------------------------------
When I am being honest, I can admit to some type of satisfaction in each of my defects...I just hadn't considered it that way before I found Alanon. As with today's reading, in recovery it is suggested that I weigh the full cost...when I do I see that it is very expensive.

The brief pulse I get from being right keeps me from the long term glow of serenity I feel when I let things go. My day flows when I dont try to mash it in my control hands.

Grateful for the wisdom of AlAnon



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Paul

"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives."  - Paths to Recovery 
Debb


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Thank you Paul for today's reading, your service and ESH.

Al-Anon has helped be to experience that level of peace one gets when they are not affected by the disease

of alcoholism and all of its chaos, manipulation, lies, gas-lighting and deception. No sooner had I finally

understood that fighting it with revenge was sapping my personality, life and serenity, it became an easy

trade off to just walk away with compassion. Just amazing when you work it!! {{HUGS}}

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"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart" ~ Unknown

Debbie
Lyne


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Thanks Paul for your service and all the ESH. I do not enjoy my defects and ask God to take them every day. My flaws hurt me and detour me from this program. Its a lot of work, which Im willing to do, to use all my tools, steps, slogans, etc., to be positive and proactive. Take fear for instance, instilled in me from childhoodits lessened, but Im ready for it to take the high road and get out of my life. No one said healing and change would be easy, cause it sure isnt. But I will keep plugging away....

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Lyne
Iamhere


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Happy Tuesday MIP. Thank you Paul for your service and the daily. Thank you all for your ESH/shares. I will readily admit that I arrived with an over-sized ego and felt that I was in the right and others were in the wrong. It took time, listening and a boat-load of humility to shred the tall walls I had built around me reinforced with intense denial.

I have been a right-fighter for as long as I can recall. I have also been quite judgmental with an entrenched habit of competing and comparing. Deep down, I had a huge amount of fear of 'who would I be' without my various defense mechanisms, opinions, judgments, and of course, right fighting. A part of me felt not only justified in how I lived my life; I was quite proud of being able to slice/dice another with a cold stare, extreme sarcasm and/or a whole lot of 'truth according to IamHere'.

Al-Anon has taught me that my peace comes from being a part of vs. a part from. The best way to be a part of is to become humble, teachable, more light-hearted and kind. For me, these character traits were buried behind a ton of negative energy and I had to clear the way for them to reach the surface. Letting go of many defects became a desired action as I found myself replacing old ways with newer, healthier habits.

I've said it before and will say it again - my first inclination is usually reactive and less healthy. It is the pause that allows me to pray for a healthier response, if one is even necessary. My defects served me well until they did not. I'm grateful to just be open and willing to change me, and allow others the dignity they deserve.

Been golfing all morning - going to enjoy the afternoon. Make it a great day MIP family!

__________________

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 
SunnyFrogs


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Good afternoon.

All good and helpful shares.

My therapist used to say "what do you get from it"? He claims we all do the things we do because we derive something from them either consciously or subconsciously. I am slowly understanding myself and even more slowly making changes.

Have a good day

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Maresie888


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I am really ramping up the self care. I had all the excuses in the world fornot doing it. Now I just am
I am also trying to keep on top of the To Do list
Procrastination is a big issue for me

I am glad to have had a breather so I can catch up.

Believing I have all the time in the world is a big charactor.defect for me. I do not
I need to create some traction on my goals rather than get diverted from them.

Maresie



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DavidG


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 aww Nice share, Paul...  maybe my biggest defect was shame- and it's fellow-traveller blame.

     Both, together were pretty deeply ingrained. And so, at this time in life I am reading this

     reading, and shares... ...and still having a few ~aha~ moments. Better late than never! aww ...



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