The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
We didn't take our kayaks out once this year- they still sit on the garage floor.
Fact is that we went to rowing six or seven times. We have an old English caravan- and hauled i dover the pass into the next big valley. Two of our grand-kids are rowers. Both were in the national champs- and we ended up going to the national regatta...
...some of what I do- is this pavlovian punishment reward sort of thing.
I thought- I will put away the kayaks for the winter- and then I will reward myself by sitting down here and having a share.
But on the way around about to do this I noticed that the bird feeders were empty. These were given my by my SO as a Christmas present. I love the native birds, anyway; but I also get brownie points- for using and appreciating them!
I have this list- People first. {Well, even family first!} Then animals, then plants, then things.
Being an old farm person I learned that things have to be done on time- and seasonally.
It is a slightly different mind-set for , say, working in a factory.
As a kid I valued money, At age 12 I got 2/6d, or 25c an hour for harvesting carrots. The fruitpicking rate, at that the was 2/- or 20c an hour.
The carrots were large, and chopped up with poison and used for killing rabbits. Even today here- rabbits are still a plague!
Our foreman was Steve, the local cop. His daughter was the farmwife. at 12 we would trek up, over the creek for a sumptuous lunch.
[In them days women still mostly worked in the home.]
But anyway- Steve must have been dropping me off. He drive round he back of the pub and cam out with a dozen of beer and a bottle of whiskey.
Pretty darned sure his hand didn't go into his pocket.
So I knew we our family had to pay the taxman and the barman.
It wasn't much fun! ...
So, at least I learned the value of money.
But working harder and trying to better myself- was not going to take away the deep sense of abandonment I felt
Not only abandoned by my family- in favour of the booze. But also by the world at large.
David that kayaking sounds like wowser fun. Id be scared to get on one but I have watched movies of people, Indians in kayaks and it just looks so peaceful and beautiful
I too have priorities: getting my needs met, sharing and caring with safe others and pets, probably those two are tied and then things maybe next. Like you I suffered abandonment or abuse either one and so therefore my needs were never met. Not ever so that is a big priority with me but when my needs are being met, I am happy to share what I can with my loved ones and even people I dont know. There are so many people destitute here in this country since they pull the rug out from under us with the unemployment some people really are going to fall off the cliff end of June and Im not gonna be far from them but I just go one day at a time but I remember the good old days last year when I was part of the food drive for our church. I was part of the folks who would go shopping for food and every Sunday we would deliver it to the church and it felt so damn good to have money enough to take care of myself first and to share with all these hungry people out there who are struggling shut down from their businesses because of the Covid. We fed over 1 million families and it just made me get tears in my eyes because I was part of it and it felt so good that I had enough where I didnt just have to think about me I could share my abundance with others so yeah thatll always be a priority for me. And my loved ones in my pets are very high on the important scale as well. Ill do without before I let my pets go hungry. I may have a feral kitty friend I try to talk with him or her and of course they run away but Ive got to be mindful to put water out when the heat comes in the rains are not here anymore and we get those dry heats Spells Ive got to make sure that Mr. or Mrs. Kitty has some cool water to drink
I felt fairly abandoned growing up as well, though not from addiction. It was from lack or parental protection from an abusive older brother. Then I chose partners/spouses who were/are addicted and hence I continued the tradition I learned in childhood.
I have forgiven all these characters however, something program has helped me with. Im carrying two resentments at the moment for non-family members, and I know with HPs help this will get worked out in the near future.
David, Just read your post from several days ago. So glad you shared. I, too, tend to feel a deep sense of abandonment so often, even after all these years of being an adult. I so get what you are feeling and saying. Also wanted to tell you I'm fascinated by farms and farm life; I've been a suburbanite most of my life and am curious about and interested in our country's farms and the people who grow our food and do so very much hard work. I can tell you are doing the hard work of growing...Keep up the good work. Hope you enjoy your day. Thanks again for telling us what's going on with you. Wishing you self-compassion and serenity on this Wednesday.
__________________
"The truth will set you free, but it [might] make you miserable first."
I most certainly had tremendous abandonment issues growing up. Those same abandonment issues surfaced when I was the qualifier. Abandonment has become of the hardest issues I have to deal with.
Neglect in my childhood has been tremendously difficult to deal with.
I have numerous health problems that I have to contend with as a result of this
I know my childhood absolutely set me up to choose unwisely in relationship. That is a very hard pill to swallow. Acceptance is indeed a really hard concept to embrace
We didn't take our kayaks out once this year- they still sit on the garage floor.
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