The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
In today's reading, the author shares that they at times have tried to avoid making the same mistake twice by creating strict rules for their behavior. However, it is impossible to plan for everything that might happen in the future, and by doing so, the author realized that they were limiting their own options. Al-Anon reminds us to keep an open mind. The author has found this to be especially useful because they are constantly growing and changing. Keeping an open mind helps the author to let go of old ideas that no longer work for them. Not getting too attached to any one way of life helps the author to stay flexible and adjust more quickly to change. Being surrounded by a group of Al-Anon friends who also cultivate a flexible way of thinking is a useful way to help see more clearly. The author closes with the quote: "We don't see the world as it is. We see the world as we are."
Today's Reminder: As I grow, I continue to learn and to unlearn, replacing old ideas with new ones and reclaiming others that had been cast aside. Today I welcome this flow of information that will nourish and replenish me as I become more fully myself.
Today's Quote: "To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable." Helen Keller
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When I reflect on my arrival at AL-Anon and my early time in the program, I realize I had become quite unflexible. I knew what worked better, but not what worked well. Becoming flexible, allowing myself to grow and change, allowed me to discover what worked well for me. And, when I try something that doesn't work well, I can more easily let it go and try something else. I am gifted with plenty of opportunities to try different approaches and learn new things.
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Good Morning Skorpi. Thank you for your service. The "let go of old ideas" is very helpful. Your share articulated my feelings and opened my mind to be flexible. In my journal today, I asked myself why I was resistant to change. I realize it's fear...fear of the unknown. It's frightening because my former self was adventurous, spontaneous, flexible and adaptable. I see now that this disease is insidious...I have become the type of person I used to loathe and given up being me (which at one time I perceived as pretty awesome ). Thank you for further inspiring me to stick to Al-Anon and program people. I am crying thinking about what good is in store for me...better than when I was deep in self pity...Have a great day and thanks to HP for gracing me with souls like you. ((hugs))
Thanks Skorpi for your service and for both ESH. Keeping an open mind comes easier to me these days than before recovery. There are however, very trying times that arise and I need to remind myself to be open to all options, all ideas, and although one day may be filled with fear and dread, there is always tomorrow. Just for today I will do my best to keep an open mind, walk with one foot in front of the other, and try to keep my head right over my feet, in this one day and one moment I have.
I really like today's reading because it gave me an aha! moment. I have been trying soooo hard to not react to AH's reaction whenever I have to question him about something. I have been doing things the same way, approaching him the same way thinking if I can just not react it will go differently. It never works. Never. It doesn't matter if it's a simple question, he reacts in a negative way and then I react.
After I read here earlier it made me realize that I needed to try something different. I looked up videos and info on communication skills,specifically about questioning someone (some were FBI techniques,lol). I actually learned quite a few things, like tone of voice,inflection,smiling while asking,etc). So I can try new approaches now until I find something that works.
It sounds so simple,to try different things. I guess so simple that I hadn't thought to do that. I was too determined to stick to what I thought would be better rather than trying something that might actually work.
Maybe I should call this a duh! moment instead of an aha! moment.
SunnyFrogs, I laughed my head off reading your post. You also emphasized a point I overlooked-seek what works well. Love the duh moment-plan to borrow that line....
Thank you Skorpi for your service and the daily. Thank you all for your shares & ESH. For me, thinking I can avoid making any mistakes (repeat or new) is a dangerous place to 'be'. Simply because, this for me is a form of self-will/ego entering into the day which over and over and over again tends to rob me of my serenity.
I have spent more time than I care to recall or admit trying to figure out the 'best way' to ________________________. I can insert just about anything in this blank and without a doubt, I've over thought it, over analyzed it, and just spent way too much time seeking the 'best way'. This applies to me BR (Before Recovery) as well as with my new tools during recovery.
It appears that I am a tough nut to crack. When others who came before me suggested this is a one day at a time program, they meant it. So, if what I did yesterday didn't turn out well, that doesn't mean it's a failure or I am a failure or that it was wrong. It simply means it didn't work well 'then' - may/may not work well today or tomorrow.
I recall the moment in my family where I found the courage to kindly suggest to my 3 guys that I felt I could only ask one question per guy per day - anything beyond that, I risk impatience, intolerance, and worse. I said it with love, with humor and had said it before yet felt heard. Keep in mind, I still don't ask many questions around here - instead, I let sanity, serenity, unconditional love and acceptance lead me (HP inspired) and I just keep doing the next right thing.
I plan my needs and share willingness to do for them. I have used this program to find a way to just do 'me' as best I can and be of service to others without giving away my power, serenity, sanity and soul. What I feel today (could be different tomorrow) is I am worthy of whatever good comes my way. I have the power to detach from negative energy and seek solace from others who value me and love me. I'm at a point where I just keep doing what's suggested in this program and my life keeps improving.
I can't explain why or how this program works yet it truly does when I work it. At any point that I try to be something I am not, I am just off-balance. I do best just being me, and being true to me.
Happy hump day all - started my day at the golf course - was truly quiet, lovely and peaceful. I had a 'mean girl' situation yesterday in league and was grateful to be playing with guys I work with. I handled the mean girls with grace and honesty, and found other friendly gals to golf with. I do believe I am still in shock that a group of retired aged women can still act like mean girls yet ... it happened. What a gift this program has given me in knowing it had nothing to do with me and truly was a reflection of them instead.
Off to cook dinner...make it a lovely evening!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I can relate to the not being flexible. I was very rigid in a lot of things, closed mind. The whole dysfunctional ball of wax but as I started to learn in the program, like doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results began to wake me up when I would get the same negative reaction so I became more and more flexible and more and more open, change still scares me. I am undergoing a financial change very soon that could be very devastating if I dont find something to in other words the big door is closing I need another big door to open. But I am being open and flexible about my approach with this. Like a budget and different ways to beef up my ad on craigslist and just different things networking myself, being open to doing something a bit different, I couldnt have done this without the program though Im afraid, I am also Dwayne the grateful list to the universe and just over and over thanking my higher power for my financial recovery and for providing for me and Im just doing that over and over and one thing I notice is Im not trying to force anything I am willing to get out of the way so the universe can work on my situation and thats a new one for me, the control freak Here, but that hasnt worked, so yeah I have learned a lot about being flexible this past week and a half
And also I notice I am more willing to do safe experimenting, its got to be high percentage, at my age I cant afford any real bad screwups but I am willing to be a bit experimenting and if it is a safe thing, I can wade in the pool and if it does not feel right I can get out. Also I noticed when I am praying I dont pray for anything specific just giving thanks for my financial situation to be remedied. Thanks for the post
Good Morning Debb. I am so glad you have found the right doctor and hopefully a speedy solution. I admire your strength to self advocate and ability to be supportive to others in the midst of your struggles. Hope your day is filled with wonderful surprises.
