The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
There have been a number of "newbies" here who have questioned going to the F2F meetings. You may be wondering, why go there when I have found this wonderful web site...
Well I just got back from mine a little while ago. I don't go very often (1 a week if possible), but they can be very powerful. Much like this web site, I almost always hear something I need to hear. Today's was a step meeting and we were doing step 8 (making amends for the wrongs we had done).
Now I am not doing the steps with a sponsor yet, so I just play along... but someone shared about how they handled making amends to their childeren of different ages. For allowing a variety of mental and verbal abuse and how they hadn't really done anything to stop it or help lessen the effects. They were just too paralyzed at the time.
As my AW talks of seperation and is constantly going off on me about coming to Al-Anon and in general just being in a rotten mood, how well am I protecting my supporting my children. I am focusing more on them because they are not raging at me. But I will spend some time tonight making a plan for actively supporting what they are seeing from this situation. It is wildly not the truth right now.
I have been so focused on just simply making it through the day myself that I had lost focus on that aspect. She helped me push that up on my priority list.
Moral of the story... Face to face meetings are very special times for me. I have never been big into group or individual therapy... (too tough and in charge of stuff for it... LOL ) but my first meeting was the day I KNEW this program was not optional for me to get my life together.
As human beings we need to look someone in the eye and get validation that what we understand to be true... is. After years of trying to get that from someone who is no longer capable... I now get that from you guys and the meetings.
Thank you all for being here. You are all very special to me.
Take care of you.
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
Hello, rtexas, Thank you for your post. I want to recommend face to face meetings, too. While it is good to have the support online, the power of a "real" meeting is something that cannot be explained. It seems sometimes as if a spiritual power really runs the meetings. I have come to amazing insights while I have sat in those rooms. Working the steps is also critical to a changed life in Alanon. Working the Steps is the heart of the program, and finding a sponsor to share the really "ugly" stuff with is very important. There is something about having a person listen to you and respond to how you say it as well as that you said it. And there is something very important about putting our stuff out there to someone who is really listening. I know from personal experience how the Steps work miracles. As we say in the Program: it works, if you work it! The first couple of years I was in Alanon, when I was really in distress, I went to 2-3 meetings every week. That made a difference in breaking my isolation and in my getting program deep inside of me. I also asked my HP to find a sponsor for me. When I finally let go, my HP found the perfect person to be my sponsor! I am currently working the Steps again. I don't know what they will bring, but I trust the power of the Program. Thanks for your share. Blessings, mebjk
Me too, the times I drug my butt there, is when I heard just what I needed to hear. Nothing can replace human contact, not even our family here at MIP, no matter how close we are. There is something about the voice, the smiles, the eye contact, that cannot be replaced by just doing online meetings.
So glad you are getting your whole family's priorities right. You cannot go wrong with that in your heart guiding you.
Josey
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Julianne - It's best to move on. You cannot look back in anger in life. It's too short
I agree wholeheartedly. While I find my time here valuable, it's at 'real' meetings that I hear what I need to. Here we can read over our posts, go back, edit a little, reword things, take out something that seems too raw, etc. Face to face, it's the truth.
I live in a very small town, which is both a benefit and a drawback for f2f. I think sometimes people who need the program are reluctant to come, because they are afraid they will see someone they know there. And, they're right, they will! The benefit is that as I go through my day, running errands, working, walking the dog - I see my alanon family everywhere. I truly am not alone, in a way that I never thought would happen to me. I know that if disaster strikes, I have a friendly face to call on. After the years of isolation which a loved one's alcoholism brings, that is so improtant.
I love both meetings -- here and f2f and they serve different purposes. For me, I love getting a huge hug from someone in my f2f that I care about or being there to hug them when they need it and our (((((((((((hugs here )))))))))))))))))))) sure do help but it just isn't like the "real thing."
Thanks for sharing,
Maria123
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
I agree with the group a good F/F meeting helps me feel connected in a personal way. I don't go as often as I'd like either. I have noticed my A will create things for us to do or say that something has to be done that night on the night that I like to go to my Step 4 meeting.
Something you said about the topic of making amends to our children when we were unable to soften the effects of verbal or emotional abuse hit home for me. Before my A and I seperated we fought continuously almost everyday. My kids were there, we knew how damaging that was, but I couldn't let go of defending myself. In my F/F meetings woman have come up to me and said you are lucky you have program now because you can make a huge difference in your children's lives and help them to have a wonderful life despite their Dad's drinking. They each said I wish I had found program when my kids were babies because they are resentful of me and my controlling behaviors when they were growing up. That spoke volumes to me. Living in a home myself with a mom who was codependent and a father who was selfish and destructive I am starting to see the effects that had on me.
Program is helping me work on my "reacting" to the A's outbursts, frustrations, etc. I'm not perfect but I'm not yelling, cussing, or trying to manipulate him back. It took my kids almost a month of their Dad back in the home to see that things were different before they began sleeping through the night. When he was gone my one son would get up every night almost the same time and crawl in bed with me. His counselor felt he was thinking he needed to come in a comfort mommy and take Daddy's place. I think he is beginning to see that mommy and Daddy aren't fighting so much and Daddy is still here so its o.k. He's sleeping more soundly and not waking up in the middle of the night to crawl in bed with me. Keep working it, your kids will see how happy you are becoming, and the healthier you get you will model that for them. I fully believe that is the best gift we can give them. ODAT RT
Hugs,
Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
Hi rtexas--I can't imagine being where I am today without the F2F meetings I went to over the years--and still do! And yes, now there's online support and sharing too which is also great, but I dont think anything replaces real live contact with real people in recovery! That's just my take on this.
About your children--are they old enough to go to Al-a-Teen meetings? They'd get such good support and understanding re their situation, there. Obviously this may not go down well with the A, but check it out with other people who have kids in Al-a-Teen. Alas, I didn't get into recovery soon enough to do this for my kids, but somehow in their later years they found the 12step groups they needed for themselves, and we have done lots of healing together after all.
rtexas,,, you wrote ..........."As human beings we need to look someone in the eye and get validation that what we understand to be true... is."
my first *Faceto Face Meeting . Welllllll THAT is when I knew *THEN* in that room of then strangers that there really truly were (are) others that understand as no one else can the choices I had made of my living in the thrawls and the effects of alcoholism in my life.
The group is(always) wonderful. ( truly unconditional love ) people (family) that understood me. That understand how I felt and knew exactly what I need to do to Get Busy..LOL! How to do it. What to do. ... to get my head my thoughts out of the dark and into the light. TO LIGHTEN UP:) TO Let it Go and Let HP/God. How to lliterally Get Up and Get Busy "Workin It!" Every Group meeting I have attended is support positive and understanding ways to work the steps. The shares at face to face (f2f).... priceless. I always get what I go for. Theword gets to me every time! *No matter the situation I am being faced with at the time.
I have found very valuable tools with help of others, ways to help my situated home life become more acceptable. I have found a gentle guidance from others.. (with a heartfelt hug and a simple slogan) that helped is helping me continue to find ways to cope. Ways to gain and maintain personal dignity, personal inner self love, most of all., keys to provide me to insure my own self care.
This program works in my life. I am very grateful. I cherish everyone here, I'm so grateful for this 12 step program. So grateful there is somewhere I can go and be with others that understand me. I'm very Grateful to my HP/God.,, for leading me back to Alanon after being away from the people for a while. Thanks to all for your help, your gentle guiding , es&h.
I prefer and will live a better life for myself. Face to Face. (pun intended..lol.) *LOVE YOU*** (((RTEX))) **
Thanks to YOU ((so much)) for posting! ((((((SUPER BIGHUG))))))))) for this share!
first *Faceto Face Meeting . Welllllll THAT is when I knew *THEN* 
in that room of then strangers that there really truly were (are) others that understand as no one else can the choices I had made of my living in the thrawls and the effects of alcoholism in my life. 
( truly unconditional love ) people (family) that understood me. That understand how I felt and knew exactly what I need to do to Get Busy..LOL! How to do it. What to do. ... to get my head my thoughts out of the dark and into the light. 
TO LIGHTEN UP:) TO Let it Go and Let HP/God. How to lliterally Get Up and Get Busy "Workin It!" Every Group meeting I have attended is support positive and understanding ways to work the steps. The shares at face to face (f2f).... priceless. I 
always get what I go for. The word gets to me every time! *No matter the situation I am being faced with at the time. 
is helping me continue to find ways to cope. Ways to gain and maintain personal dignity, personal inner self love, most of all., keys to provide me to insure my own self care.
Face to Face. (pun intended..lol.) *LOVE YOU*** (((RTEX))) **
BIGHUG))))))))) for this share!