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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Courage to Change May 5
Post Info TOPIC: Courage to Change May 5
Skorpi


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Courage to Change May 5
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Hello MIP! 

In today's reading in C2C, the author reflects on humility. As a child, the author learned that humility meant putting the needs of others before their own. Humility was associated with degradation, and was not a positive feeling. Through work in the Al-Anon program, the author realized that this degradation was not necessary, nor was ignoring one's own needs, in order to experience humility. 

Humility for the author is instead measured by their willingness to do their part in building a trusting relationship with the god of the author's understanding. When taking the first step, the author started to learn humility - admitting that they were powerless made room for the possibility that a power greater than ourselves could do thing beyond our reach. This helped the author understand what was their responsibility, and what was not. As this becomes more clear, the author is better able to do their own part, and ask the god of their understanding to do the rest.  

Today's Reminder: Part of learning humility is learning to contribute to my own well-being. Today I will do something loving for myself that I'd normally do for someone else. 

Today's Quote: "We cannot tell what may happen to us in the strange medley of life. But we can decide what happen in us - and that is what really counts in the end." Joseph Fort Newton

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Like so many times when I am thinking of the meaning of words, I started by looking up the antonym of humility. Google tells me it is pride. This got me thinking about one of my core beliefs - there are no real weaknesses, just strengths being utilized out of proportion. And, if humility and pride are opposite sides of the same coin, it seems really clear to me how I (and the author) could have gotten a disproportionate understanding of what humility was.

I also felt that humility meant taking care of everyone else first, that being humble meant asking for less than what I need, making due with my needs not getting met so that others could have what they need. Like the author, I've moved away from this understanding as I try to focus more on balancing both sides of the coin. I need to have enough pride to also take care of myself.

I think today that true humility means that I take care of myself first, that as much as I ensure that other's needs are met, I also ensure that my own needs are met. I do not make myself suffer so that others have an easier path. I respect myself enough to care for myself first so that I can be the best version of myself when I'm in service to others. This balance does not make me self-absorbed or boastful, because that would be using the pride side of the coin in excess. 

Wishing you all a lovely day! 



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Skorpi

If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Debb


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Thank you Skorpi for today's reading, your service and ESH.

What a lovely topic! The humility I was exposed to as a child was watching my mother quietly taking, basically a verbal

beating from my father. I thought that it was what a wife and mother was suppose to do!! My first marriage was a

carbon copy of what I experienced as a child and it took me 12 years to remove myself and children from that verbal

assault. The second and present marriage basically was the same only throw into the mix alcoholism and a touch of

narcissism and after 9 years of living in that chaos I arrived on the doorstep of Al-Anon/MIP. Al-Anon taught me the

self-care that I needed, guiding me to look into my soul for the real me, so that I could lean on my HP and find my

humility, serenity and peace. For me, humility is truly knowing that there is so much that I do not know and to stay

focused and fearless on being open to my shortcomings so that I can improve and learn.



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"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart" ~ Unknown

Debbie
DavidG


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 aww Thanks, Skorpi and Debb... smile ...

I picked up wisdom along the way- learned to seek humility and not humiliation...

guilt and fear and shame- were going to weigh me down- it I let it.

And also to find pride, rather than arrogance. Pride in myself, in my appearance and my surroundings.

It seemed to take a while. Sometimes it seemed take forever! biggrin



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Each Alanon member is my teacher.                                                                                                                  
Daffodils


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Thank you Skorpi and Debb for your shares. This topic steers me towards spiritual growth . Humility helps me to accept things as they are and to get out of God's way. ((HUGS))

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Daffodils


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David, just read your post...spot on

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a4l


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Thanks for the share and the service Skorpi. Humility as character trait is intrinsic to my culture apparently. I don't actually know if that's my ancient culture or the post contact one. Regardless; humility is a virtue. In my culture it means simply to be humble and not put ones self above. To be honest when it's not used as a means to oppress or keep one in a designated place I think it is an assett. Regarding the share of humility and spiritual practice in building a relationship with HP, it makes sense to me in combination of this programme and my cultural learning that when it all gets too much, I can remember not to put myself above the divine or try to do HPs job on HPs behalf. I have found humility to be So frequently lacking in modern life that a wise application of it in certain circumstances yields very great results. Man I just love when we get the exact reminders in programme at the right time! Thanks again for your service Skorpi and to all the shares above.


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Iamhere


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Thank you Skorpi for your service and the daily. Thank you all for your shares/ESH. As with many things, I had to modify my own definition or understanding of humility. I am one who association it with humiliation too. What I've come to understand, and rely upon is for me, humility is as simple as remaining teachable. I heard this early on in recovery, it made sense to me and I also believe humility is an asset.

I'm grateful today that I don't know everything and am not designed to know everything. In my upbringing and past, I felt inferior when asked a question that I could not answer or didn't know the answer. Today, not so much...it's freeing to rely on others, ask for help, consult with experts, etc. I have no qualms in simply answering, "I don't know." Kind of like Yes and No are complete sentences.

When I remain willing and open to learning and changing, I'm much more at peace with life on life's terms. This program is rather simple, it's my mind and I that tend to complicate it and other things in life. (((Hugs))) to all.

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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 
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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Courage to Change May 5