The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I used to have a terrible personality. I used to call it my "poisonality".
I would sometimes say the most inappropriate things. Basically I had never learned to communicate well.
Things have improved considerably in this department.
I am it the city- getting our caravan customised. With solar panels... the caravan is my SO's pride and joy... she bought it out of here inheritance from her mum.
Also tending to my sheep- to the north of the city- and all the usual chores.
Going back home Friday- but went to fill the truck up with fuel.
I dared well had the petrol filler at the top of the tank- before I realised.
It is a diesel truck I worked really hard for. The only really reliable vehicle we have really owned!
I was in Texas four years ago and tired to put diesel into a petrol rental. I was grieving, jet lagged and totally scared of the massive multi-lanes in the highway. we drive on the left in NZ.
This time was a fair bit better...
I realised my mistake and replaced the nozzle.
I know I had caught myself out.
I didn't feel any shame or guilt.
I still don't feel complacent- at all.
Have spent so much of my life living so close to the edge.
This is coming to an and... my life is improving heaps...
...I can think clearly- much of the time... and a becoming a lot more rational.
My emotions were my first concern- coming into Alanon- but thinking and intellectual work
I found to be essential as well.
It is getting cold here- mid-autumn. I need more food.
Sometimes, too, I need to remember to look after myself more-
with patience, concern and understaning.
I and seeing my therapist next week. Now every two months.
On my world and in my life- I have so much catching up to do.
Hi David. I had a terrible personality also, and love your idea of poisonality. The person I have given the most poison to was myself. I didnt know any other way as an older brother made it clear that I was basically worthless, and the addicted partners I have had just kept singing that song. I can see now by keeping someone down emotionally and psychologically, the abuser gains control. So thats what I thought I deserved, poison.
Whats been hard for my A now is that we began under this same premise, but ureka, I found alanon. I have not only resigned from the doormat club, but I no longer need anyone else to define me. Ive become my own champion, caretaker, friend. Thank you so much for your share and perhaps listening to mine. :)
I used to have a terrible personality. I used to call it my "poisonality".
