The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I think it is crucial to point out that for the past year we have been dealing with major traumatic stress . For over a year we have been dealing with an epidemic where we feel helpless and fearful. For over a year we have not known how things will go. Every day there is a new disaster. The disaster might now be right here but is somewhere on the horizon
At least for the government in the United States they have not responded well to this stress. Even with the change in leadership we are at a place where no one knows what is happening. To say that we are walking on eggshells all the time is a understatement. If you even mention vaccination to some people they melt down right in front of you . Therefore younstop.mentioning. it.
Whenever I go to supermarket I am struck by the number of shoppers who are buying alcohol. That are cases of it. That is in neighborhoods that are upscale. Drinking is a response many have taken up.
In infection control there are numerous protocols. Mask waring is wishy washy and social distancing is pretty hard to organize. There was never a real concerted response to the epidemic. At the White House there were numerous out breaks
Somehow denial rationalization and abject fear are always right in front of us. That is very hard to deal with. Program or no program
Living through this time has profound implications for all of us. us. Making a recovery with few if any face to face meetings is a new phenomenon.
Acting out is pretty common. I would imagine the rate of alcoholism is up. My friend who works from home gets drunk earlier. I am so blessed in that I no longer have to deal with it in person. Detachment is easier with distance The rate of drug addiction is up tremendously
So how do you fashion a program in the middle of such chaos. How does this added traumatic stress conbine with the issues you have already had to deal with. I have been fully vaccinated for a while. It has done little to change my life. I still has to contend with people who do not take the epidemic seriously. I gave to work to deal with them
I constantly have to work on my boundaries and ways to deal with others who are not acknowledging the traumatic stress
Indeed I am going to work today and I do not know what the latest ramifications are for the latest round of how other people have responded.
Most certainly on this board we have acknowledfed these uncertain times. Being fully vaccinated has not changed much for me. I thought it would. It hasn't. What's that another disappointment
Dealing with disappointment is a big trigger for me. This is yet another disappointment for me in a sea of disappointment
I no longer think about when it will return to what was normal. There is no new normal either.
Maresie
-- Edited by Maresie888 on Sunday 25th of April 2021 11:17:50 AM
Thank you Maresie for touching on a divisive subject. I have always admired your ability to dig deep. We here in Toronto are in full lockdown with no end in sight. Funny, liquor , beer and weed shops have been wide open (deemed essential). My hubby and I cope by adhering to guidelines . We are fortunate to be in a position to pay bills without a struggle. Vaccines are a challenge but he managed to get his first dose Friday. I trust my HP will have a dose for me next week. Thank God I found Al Anon otherwise I would be a ball of fear/basket case. I have "lost" a friend who does not buy into the stay at home orders. I control my home bubble and luckily AH and I are in sync. I live in gratitude and have been creative in maintaining my physical and mental health. Thanks for Al-Anon, MIP and HP in keeping me centred. I pray for your continued safety. You have made my journey easier. ((HUGS))
I am not so much concerned with myself being infected anymore. I am more having to.deal with the dysfunction around it. I already had dysfunction now I have more of it. I have handed up the hours I worn that helps. However there is a real undertow out there
Maresie
In my part we have had no cases. But a raft of law changes including some UN drafts ever so amazingly perfectly designed prior to the outbreak as if an outbreak were inevitable. Amazing coincidence I'm sure. I maintain a dose of scepticism regarding anything purporting to be in the public interest that requires the long term sacrifice of citizen freedoms. I kind of think alanoners are good in a crisis though. God knows crisis mode is super familiar to me, it's calm I find hard.
Actually I would not agree. I don't think I am resilient any.more. I find it hard to cope
I still catatrophize
I am more prepared for difficulty
When I had the recent mis hap I.most certainly got to step aside. However I believe I could have seen the mishap day 1.
I still have mishaps
I.still have to deal with obnoxious people
I deal with them a whole lot less
However my life is still difficult
There is no easy sailing for me
Now I have boundaries if I have difficulties I start thinking limits pretty fast
Nevertheless to get out of the orbit of certain people is pretty difficult. It is a real art to deal with peope you want to avoid
There is a saying #you die as you live#
There are certain people you know they live in chaos. You know their life is a shambles but I have to deal with them online level. I have to work daily to do that
Covid certainly brought out the worst in them
(((Marasie))) - so, so sorry that this has been trying times for you. I can recall at the beginning how fearful I was and mostly about the unknown. I can share that I certainly did not expect it to carry on this long, yet have found our program so very, very helpful for my experience.
I suspect that if I still working, I'd have a completely different mindset. I feel very grateful that I don't have to go anywhere. I feel very grateful for curb-side pickup, as well as home delivery. I made a decision to stop attending meetings and going out to eat/socialize before the shut-down based on what I was seeing, hearing, etc. As a germaphobe, I already had excess sanitizer, wipes, disinfectant, etc. I even had masks left over from doing home renovations/painting. As a pack-rat, I had enough food and TP to last a long while.
Since this began, I've added to m daily prayers. There's no doubt each person is handling this different and I am powerless over the actions, choices, denial, etc. of others. I've just asked for patience to deal with the insanity brought on by this pandemic. As with all things, I just do one day at a time and trust that all will be OK.
We've lost 4-5 friends to Covid. My parents and my son got it and all survived. Yet, I don't feel stressed about what is, I just keep hoping for it to get better, world-wide. I don't focus on what others are doing - I just do what's asked/suggested and let others do 'them'. I'm in a state that has a ton of denial so I stay home more than ever before. I have no issue in politely asking others to step away from me as I am not fully vaccinated. I will continue to wear a mask until I feel safe, mostly to protect others. I've got friends who've opted out of the vaccine, others who kept getting hair/nails done this whole time, etc. I doesn't compute in my mind yet it's truly not my business.
I am quite certain my anxiety would be greater if I had to work/be somewhere. I just hope and try each day to be a part of the solution vs. part of the problem. I've donated blood regularly, always mask-up, keep my distance, avoid social gatherings, and do zoom meetings. Truly, beyond the human touch element, not much has changed for me. I'm willing to skip hugs to save lives -- that's what I tell myself anyways. I don't feel any more/less stress than before using our program, one day at a time.
Hang in there...I do believe that this will pass and we will do better when we can.
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
We are definitely living in bizarre times,for sure.
I noticed at the grocery stores they now sell little bottles of whiskey along with the gum,candy and magazines. I always imagine people going through the line and thinking ah,there's the answer. i think it's wrong to have the alcohol right there,so convenient and enticing like that. But, I know it sells fast and that's what it's about,the money.
I noticed the pharmacies now have 'walk in' vaccinations instead of having to go through a hassle of scheduling. I had a hard time finding a place to schedule my first dose last month and now there's plenty. Most aren't getting vaccinated though and have given me a hard time for getting mine.
I was disappointed nothing has changed since being fully vaccinated now(had my 2nd dose a couple weeks ago). Apparently I can dance now if I want,lol(yes,dancing was banned before). I still have to sanitize,practice social distancing follow arrows through the stores and not dare walk down an aisle the wrong way. I can't go inside McDonalds or get any chocolate chip cookies there but I can go down the street, go in a restaurant with a mask on and take it off once I sit down(yeah,that makes sense right?) I get a diagnosis and a prescription just by talking to a doctor on the phone,without being examined, I have to have exact change at some fast food places,it's as if we all slipped into another dimension or something.
I want things to go back to normal. But I think this is our normal now. Don't forget all the media brainwashing about the "new normal". we are now living it. And I don't see things changing anytime soon.
Everyone is stressed. Everyone is angry and tired and bored and lonely and every other thing there is to be and feel. There's so much violence. Some claim its the end times.
Life is hard, for everyone.And we all just have to do our best to get through it.
-- Edited by SunnyFrogs on Monday 26th of April 2021 03:34:51 PM
Yeah I gave had the way over board reaction to talking about vaccination
It is beyond tedious
I am glad it has gone to walk up
I have had some time off
I most certainly had a reaction to the 2nd dosage of Moderna. Apparently this is because I conteacrc the virus before
Being at home is really helpful
I.dont think it is possible to explain how much wor kn it is to go out each day as an essential worker
The stress is pretty hard to manage
I would love to stay home. But I can take time off. Maybe a day or two. That really really helped
I truly am grateful for you as an essential worker and all essential workers who are showing up each and every day. My gratitude is deep, eternal and I have the utmost respect for all who have endured the front lines of this pandemic. I remain hopeful that we will get to the other side shortly and lives can/will be saved. I mourn all who have passed as well...hang in there and know you are appreciated!!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Good Day All. Very helpful thread. Just got home from pharmacy and they were out of vaccines. They couldn't tell me when next shipment is due. Around the city there are pop up /mass vaccination clinics for "hot spot" areas and essential workers. I was dismayed but bore in mind that a) I have the luxury to stay home b)our lifestyle even precovid was "just the two of us" . Being a clean freak, I like the new way of supersanitizing every thing. I miss person to person connections, but having grown up as an only child, I love my own company. Yesterday our city mourned the death of a 13yr old who's father got Covid at a factory and infected his wife (in critical condition) and now deceased child. I foam at the mouth because our provincial (state) government refuses to enact laws for sick pay for essential workers. Anyways, my hubby got his first shot last week so hope is on the horizon. Stay safe.
Our country has about the population of South Carolina. So covid issues are a bit more manageable and understandable.
In NZ over 65's get a free flu jab every year- for the regular influenzas that go around and these are being administered now.
Essential workers have had the Covid-19 first jab.
Our Tradition 10 says that Alanon has no stand on outside issues. Some members in some groups try to impose this measure onto every individual member. In my view this may take us right back to the conditions we endured in our alcoholic and addictive families.
Where we had to walk on eggshells- or even on broken glass.
Personally I believe that our opinions are just as important as our emotions. Being heard and noticed is essential.
[Once or twice a year I hear something in this group- that maybe might not belong in Alanon. Just occasionally. And I ask myself "How important is it?" And the topic just passes by- back into the ether.]
Not that "anything goes" on our groups. far from it- in my view.
We all do have the brake of taking up a conscience issue on our business board- if we have any doubts.
The question is- is it relevant to the present day? Is it relevant to our recovery? Does it add to our group conscience and to our personal consciousness?
Discussing Covid-19 certainly does, again, in my view. ...
Respectfully the issue isn't about Covid 1 t is entirely about traumatic stress. Vessel Van der Volk who.is a worlf renown ecoert on postbteaumatic stress says it is. He is the predominant expert on post traumatic stress.
I really do appreciate boundaries. My traumatic stress about the situation in the area I live in has little to do.with the vaccine availability
The traumatic stress is all about living in a period of uncertainty. Van der Volk.who I greatly respect says there are many factors in the uncertainty. He is articulate succinct and clarifying about the issue.
I have no issue when getting the vaccine. I.have worked places where people were infected recently because of reckless behavior. I most certainly did not appreciate it not because I might be infected. I have been fully vaccinated for months.
Dealing with uncertainty and reckless behavior is st the heart of al.anon. There are certainly al.anon tools I.czn use and I use them. I do. Some of the tools calls for voicing concern
I an truly glad that you have not been part of the Covid chaos in your neck of the woods. I.most certainly have and it is over a year now. A year is a long time for me
I appreciate that in New Zealand you have most certainly been removed from the day to.day stress of dealing with the pandemic. However his uncertainty goes beyond the USA borders. Now it is a worldwide phenomenon that has lifetime implications. That is perfectly clear to me
I do my best to just focus on myself and what I am doing during this pandemic.Many of my loved ones are refusing the vaccine and don't seem to be too concerned about catching Covid. I worry about them,especially the essential workers, but I don't push them to get vaccinated, I know that's their own personal choice.
This pandemic is hard on every person. And for me with PTSD, it's been extremely triggering since it started. It's an invisible predator that keeps me constantly on my toes not knowing what to expect.
It definitely is traumatic stress, I am sure the mental health industry is really booming right now. The aftermath is going to be just as bad once it is over and done with(if it ever is)
-- Edited by SunnyFrogs on Wednesday 28th of April 2021 10:17:04 AM
Sunyfrogs
Well virtual counseling has no doubt took off. I am.making time to go to a virtual grief conference on Friday. I have to make time. For me the responsibility of my symptoms is on me
Grief is certainly a hallmark of dealing with the pandemic. We lost our way of life
Actually Sunnyfrogs I would not even say the counseling industry is booming. Addiction is booming. Casinos are road iij mg ahead. I know certain people who.are at the casino.every weekend. It is the new hip thing to do.
Counseling would be a good thing. However most people don not go to counseling. They might get a case manager or some kind of a social worker. That is an achievement it itself.
Traumatic stress is a given. For some people like me they grew up in traumatic stress. What is a few years more of it.
For me fight/flight was the norm. I have spent many years mired in flight/fight. There is a real price for that
I am so proud of you of being able to step out of Flight/Fight/Freeze.
When I do sleep the freeze formation is my norm. I wake up with fists with my head in some weird position and with tense limbs. That is the best I can get to. For me not being wracked with nightmares is a big plus. Maybe I will get through the freeze position.
Thank you for your input. I am of course fully vaccinated.
I agree,virtual counseling has taken off. Nearly all mental health facilities have gone virtual since the pandemic started. Regardless,I do believe the industry is booming right now. At least where I live it's that way and according to statistics it's pretty much the same across the US.
You're also right about addiction booming too,also the increase in violence,especially domestic violence.
Sometimes I try to focus on the positives to help me through. There's some good to be found in this mess. There's many that have realized what's most important to them,what really matters in life.Many have been kinder to others, are helping others out,etc.
Last week I drove through a fast food place and was surprised to find out the person in front of me had paid for our order. Now it's my turn to pay it forward next time. It's
the little things that matter. It's not all doom and gloom unless we allow it to be.
I have severe PTSD,as my therapist saud once, I suffer with 'constant' PTSD. I haven't stepped out of the fight/flight/freeze at all. I really struggle still. I just do the best I can,which is all I can do.I still have nightmares, still struggle with all the usual symptoms when I've been triggered. On my best days I am not shaking with anxiety but it's always there at some level. I was told I needed to learn to live my life despite the anxiety.
So you're not alone in your struggles. Everyone is struggling in one way or another.
e
I disagree I think you have stepped out of fight flight a great deal because of your commitment to recovery .
I am definitely affected on every level by the pandemic
My frustration with certain people is not in the red zone in the way it was. However for some people they have no notion of anyone else. I grew up in a family where it was survival of the fittest. That is who could bully more assiduously.
Bully culture still prevails
I had a few days off and it was desperately needed to decompress. Back to the grindstone now
Back to day to day trying to manage the impossible
I may not have an alcoholic in my immediate household. I am always dealing with dysfunction.
Always dealing with incredibly selfish people who have mo clue anyone else breathes let alone exists. They are insufferable.
Maresie
To accept the things we cannot change... Maresie... I will always remember this pandemic through the lens of all of us here...